It sounds like OCD,like the obsessions part of it anyway.I think no test will asure you as youll find new reasons to be scared.I think you need help,yes possibly meds and also therapy.It can make a world of difference! Lily
That is something I have done myself. I had to get a blood test back in November of last year for a physical with my doctor and I was totally convinced he would call me back with terrible news. For 2 weeks I was on pins and needles and I never got a phone call. Meanwhile, I worked up in my head so much that something was so wrong with me and the doctor was afraid to call me b/c there was something so wrong me and he didn't know how to tell me. Eventually I called and took the plunge and he told me the only thing that was wrong with me was my bad cholestorol had started creeping up.
I agree with the OCD part, i know no amount of checking works no matter what. I am going through a whole new obsession now and I have started to realize that each obsesssion feels/is worse than the last. Every great once and a while I have a thought in the between all the thoughts like wow this is really stupid, seriously I am worried about this?!?!?!? Definitely talk to a Dr. and let them know your concerns. Maybe you need meds/therapy/etc. I know I never wanted to admit anything was wrong with me and eventually after I sought help i had 3 diagnosis and possibly a 4th. Take it from me, ask for help, you're worth it!
I suffer from exactly the same thing, and I realise no amount of testing is enough to get over the OCD. Initially, granted, I had some reason for fear as I actually had drunken sex with somebody I didn't know. It was protected sex but I thought of all kinds of scenarios that the condom broke etc, which probably didn't happen. Then I got tested. 2 weeks after getting the negative result, I kissed somebody. Then, I thought, what if my lips were bleeding because they were chapped, and it was the same with the other guy, isn't that blood to blood contract??? Of course if that was enough for HIV transmission, it would be the first case scenario. But that nagging thought became so material that I got tested AGAIN. Of course it was negative. 2 weeks later, I left my door unlocked when I slept at night. Then I thought, what if somebody got into my room and stabbed me with a HIV-infected needle? Perhaps someone who hates me would get in and does that to me out of revenge? Of course this is absolutely crazy, imagining all kinds of people hovering around waiting for a chance to stab me with a HIV needle when I sleep AND happen not to lock my door. But these thoughts become so real and now I think I will try my best to fight them. I think getting testing is not a really good idea because you kind of take comfort from that certainty after a test, but once days pass, things are no longer certain and there are always risks with day-to-day life, which we would have to accept. Particularly when the risks are not really there in the first place.