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HIV OCD Again!!!!!!
Hi I"m back in the last 16 months I've been tested 6 times for HIV. I've tested at 7 days, 9 weeks, 6 months, 9 months, 12 months and 14 months after a poor choice.All Negative. My OCD has been in check but Since my 14 month test 7-8 weeks ago it has flared up. 7-8 weeks ago I was working loading equipment that I and co workers had been using when I noticed I had scraped my knuckle or it was dry cracked skin on my knuckle and it was bleeding a very little bit and I had some dried blood on the back of my hand. I started worrying what if someone cut themselves on the equipment and I did the same and came in contact w their blood w my scraped knuckle. I know this isnt a way to contract HIV and my irrational fears are just that. but I can't stop thinking what if! and thinking that maybe the 6 HIV tests were wrong. I havent done anything wrong or put myself at risk since, just scraped my knuckle. please help me get this OCD under control. I know its just OCD but I cant help it. I was on Zoloft but stopped it cuz everything was going great and no worries. but now this please help! I know I'm not the only one like this!! I dont want to cause my family any grief over nonesense!!
Thank you for any help and reassurance!!!! I've tested so many times over the years that I can't even count them all. Help.
Thank you for any help and reassurance!!!! I've tested so many times over the years that I can't even count them all. Help.
I've been working on my OCD and HIV fears! I know that they are irrationial and I haven't done anything to put myself at risk! I just saw the worker who's tape measure I borrowed and that sliced my thumb. I told him about my OCD and anxiety and how I freaked out at cutting my thumb! I asked him if anybody else or if he had cut himself on the tape measure? and he said NO! I was the only one to ever do that! that was a big relief! I apologized to him for asking and he said it was ok and he understood like I have PSTD or something! everything is good!! Part of me feels stupid or dumb for asking him this question but thats what OCD does to me! always causing me to seek reassurance even when I know there was no risk to begin with! I know this post and others like noticing a little scraped knuckle and dried blood on the back of my hand after I was unpacking equipment that I was using w others seems so ridiculous to some one who doesn't have OCD or anxiety! I don't wish this on anyone!!! I've been taking zoloft now for almost 3 weeks and I'm going to see the shrink!!lol today. I know that I don't have HIV and I've never had a Risk either and all my fears and worries are irrational! I do have OCD and I will for the rest of my life. I know that there will be triggers again at some point and this cycle will repeat it'self! I know I'm gonna have to be on some type of med-Zoloft prob foreverand I know I never should have stopped it 6 months ago or so! because I would have saved myself so much angst and worry and stress over Nothing!! I'm sure if I was still on the meds the two NON RISK Incidents would have been just shrugged off! I need to realize that what I have is a mental issue-OCD!!!!
I just wanted to give a update on what was going on!!!
Thank you for any additional help and advice anyone has!!!.
RubyWitch has really helped educate me on HIV and that I'm Safe and Never had a Risk!!! and that you can't get it from the enviroment or from inanimate objects that it dies quickly exposed to air! thank you for the support and advice!!!!!
I just wanted to give a update on what was going on!!!
Thank you for any additional help and advice anyone has!!!.
RubyWitch has really helped educate me on HIV and that I'm Safe and Never had a Risk!!! and that you can't get it from the enviroment or from inanimate objects that it dies quickly exposed to air! thank you for the support and advice!!!!!
thanks! I've used tape measures to alot and this is the first time this happened. it pulled all the way out and when I was trying to get it back inside the body it sprung back so fast! right into my thumb!! the tape had be sitting on a workers tool belt for awhile! can't make this up!!
I'm just going to throw out the fact that you would be hard pressed to find someone with OCD that didn't stop the medication because they felt better. I'm sure we all have done that at some point.
I know you don't want to take it but I have done it both ways...about 10 good years without it and when I say good I mean I had OCD but I managed it with CBT. It was never totally gone. Now at 51, I take Wellbutrin to manage the OCD and I take klonopin at night to sleep. I have put on weight yes. But OMG the me right before this last medication round and the me on it....night and day. I'm on the back end of my life. I don't care if I'm addicted to this stuff. I have no plans to stop taking any of the medication. Anyway....good luck. I know it is a daily struggle.
I know you don't want to take it but I have done it both ways...about 10 good years without it and when I say good I mean I had OCD but I managed it with CBT. It was never totally gone. Now at 51, I take Wellbutrin to manage the OCD and I take klonopin at night to sleep. I have put on weight yes. But OMG the me right before this last medication round and the me on it....night and day. I'm on the back end of my life. I don't care if I'm addicted to this stuff. I have no plans to stop taking any of the medication. Anyway....good luck. I know it is a daily struggle.
Yep, as JGF said, this is a no-risk situation. HIV doesn't survive long outside the body, and if you were bleeding a lot, that means the bloodflow and anything that may have been on the tape measure would be washed away from your bloodstream. And the chances of live HIV viral particles being on the tape measure - zero (or pretty damn close to it). I have used tape measures a lot and have never once cut myself on one.
I know it's upsetting to have something like this happen - you are starting to calm down and suddenly this or that happens and your anxiety is back in full force. It's happened to me and I just felt "Aw come on, can't I catch a break here?!?" It's very disappointing, but it will happen occasionally. OCD is a chronic condition, but you can learn to deal with it and your anxiety attacks will become less frequent and less severe.
I know it's upsetting to have something like this happen - you are starting to calm down and suddenly this or that happens and your anxiety is back in full force. It's happened to me and I just felt "Aw come on, can't I catch a break here?!?" It's very disappointing, but it will happen occasionally. OCD is a chronic condition, but you can learn to deal with it and your anxiety attacks will become less frequent and less severe.
also I shouldn't have stopped taking the zoloft. But I was feeling good and had no worries. I hated having to take meds to sleep thru the night cuz zoloft causes insomnia and trouble sleeping and weight gain. big mistake on my part. I hate these triggers and cycles I go thru and the worry about HIV. thank you again!!!
Hi JGF25, thank you for responding. yes I'm back on the zoloft. Yes a part of me knows that you can't be infected this way. I'm on this site enough!
but the OCD and irrational thoughts just start to eat me up. like I said I was starting to put the events of scraping my knuckle away and I go and cut myself On a tape measure and the worry comes right back. the what if someone else cut themselves before me comes back and it makes me a mess! this fear has brought alot of stress to my marriage and my wife also started to get hives on her arm and I start thinking its from me!! I haven't done anything risky and have been tested 6 times in the last 16 months or so. I just had a cracked knuckle on some equipment and now this tape measure incident yesterday! I wish they didnt take my question down. I know how ridiculous it may sound and I don't like being this way it destroys your life! Thank you for responding and helping me cope!!!
but the OCD and irrational thoughts just start to eat me up. like I said I was starting to put the events of scraping my knuckle away and I go and cut myself On a tape measure and the worry comes right back. the what if someone else cut themselves before me comes back and it makes me a mess! this fear has brought alot of stress to my marriage and my wife also started to get hives on her arm and I start thinking its from me!! I haven't done anything risky and have been tested 6 times in the last 16 months or so. I just had a cracked knuckle on some equipment and now this tape measure incident yesterday! I wish they didnt take my question down. I know how ridiculous it may sound and I don't like being this way it destroys your life! Thank you for responding and helping me cope!!!
I believe I read that you were taking Zoloft and that it was working for you? Sparky suggested you go back on it. Well I agree. What do you think?
That is an absolute no risk situation. Think about this okay....what about all the people that saw you bleeding all over the place? They are not worried they are going to get HIV from you. Of course they don't have HIV anxiety so it is easy for them to let things go. Or think about women who use restrooms. How do I know when I go into a restroom that the person before me wasn't on her period? HIV can be in period blood. But I don't worry about it because HIV cannot live outside of the human body. This is not a method of transmission. If it was, OMG, everybody would be HIV positive.
I cant believe my luck! I'm just settling down with my OCD and I cut my self on a tape measure that i used from a worker. I borrowed the tape measure and pulled it out and it sprung back and sliced my thumb good. it did bleed alot. I posted on the HIV page and it was taken down and I was emailed for exsessive posting! it really did just happen and I'm trying not to loose my mind and worry! I can't believe this!!
Thanks for the support. Believe me, I know how irrational and ridiculous my thoughts are but thats my mind. I did start taking the zoloft again,. I stopped cuz of the trouble sleeping and I hate having to take drugs to stay asleep. OCD is a horrible thing to live with, just when your doing good there is a trigger or event that brings it right back. all the irrational thoughts and BS. I know theres nothing wrong w me and that a cracked knuckle isnt a way to transmit and that all my tests are conclusive! OCD plays w the mind!! thanks for the support> I appreciate it.
Well, you say you know that your fear is irrational, but that's OCD for you. One part of your brain knows that the odds of becoming infected with HIV are pretty much non-existent, but the little "yeah but what if..." part of your brain won't shut up.
To give you some reassurance, HIV is simply not transmitted that way. It does not survive very long outside that body (some say just minutes) and it has to get deep inside your tissue to make it into your bloodstream. A scraped knuckle does not qualify. To give you some quantifiable data, medical professionals who accidentally stick themselves with a bloody needle that has just been used on a known HIV-positive patient only become infected 0.3% of the time. 99.7% of the time, nothing happens. Hospitals keep accurate records of these events and personnel must report them for liability reasons, so the data is solid. What happened to you isn't close to being stuck be a bloody needle, so your odd are even lower.
And the test results can be trusted, especially after the 6 month mark. There is a tiny possibility that something could go wrong with a test once, but not six times in a row. You would have a better chance of simultaneously being hit by lightning while being attacked by a tiger after just having won the lottery.
Testing gives you temporary relief but without treating your OCD, you will have creeping doubts and feel the need to get tested again. Even if you were able to completely dismiss your fear of HIV, you would probably find something else to worry about. OCD is a lifelong medical condition, but you can develop the skills to deal with it when it does act up.
If Zoloft was working for you, I would recommend going back on it asap. However, you should not depend on drugs as a cure-all. Your best plan of action is to get your OCD under control and then work on the fear of HIV. I think phobias are a by-product of OCD. Your mind is looking for something to obsess about, and its centering on HIV. Talk therapy like CBT would help to reduce your OCD, which is the primary cause of all this. If your psychiatrist doesn't specialize in talk therapy and only wants to throw drugs at the problem, you may want to consult a psychologist.
Other things you can do are to meditate (or pray if you are religious), get daily vigorous exercise, get 8 hours of sleep a night, eat regular healthy meals (I know when you feel like this you can lose your appetite but starving yourself can increase your OCD - your brain doesn't run right without nutrients), keep occupied (its hard to worry if your brain is occupied) and be social - get out and be around people you like.
You want to try some self-therapy. There are several good self-help books out there. Two I like are "Worry" by Dr. Edward Halloran and "You Are Not Your Brain" by Dr. Jeffery Schwartz.
Hang in there, you are going to be ok.
To give you some reassurance, HIV is simply not transmitted that way. It does not survive very long outside that body (some say just minutes) and it has to get deep inside your tissue to make it into your bloodstream. A scraped knuckle does not qualify. To give you some quantifiable data, medical professionals who accidentally stick themselves with a bloody needle that has just been used on a known HIV-positive patient only become infected 0.3% of the time. 99.7% of the time, nothing happens. Hospitals keep accurate records of these events and personnel must report them for liability reasons, so the data is solid. What happened to you isn't close to being stuck be a bloody needle, so your odd are even lower.
And the test results can be trusted, especially after the 6 month mark. There is a tiny possibility that something could go wrong with a test once, but not six times in a row. You would have a better chance of simultaneously being hit by lightning while being attacked by a tiger after just having won the lottery.
Testing gives you temporary relief but without treating your OCD, you will have creeping doubts and feel the need to get tested again. Even if you were able to completely dismiss your fear of HIV, you would probably find something else to worry about. OCD is a lifelong medical condition, but you can develop the skills to deal with it when it does act up.
If Zoloft was working for you, I would recommend going back on it asap. However, you should not depend on drugs as a cure-all. Your best plan of action is to get your OCD under control and then work on the fear of HIV. I think phobias are a by-product of OCD. Your mind is looking for something to obsess about, and its centering on HIV. Talk therapy like CBT would help to reduce your OCD, which is the primary cause of all this. If your psychiatrist doesn't specialize in talk therapy and only wants to throw drugs at the problem, you may want to consult a psychologist.
Other things you can do are to meditate (or pray if you are religious), get daily vigorous exercise, get 8 hours of sleep a night, eat regular healthy meals (I know when you feel like this you can lose your appetite but starving yourself can increase your OCD - your brain doesn't run right without nutrients), keep occupied (its hard to worry if your brain is occupied) and be social - get out and be around people you like.
You want to try some self-therapy. There are several good self-help books out there. Two I like are "Worry" by Dr. Edward Halloran and "You Are Not Your Brain" by Dr. Jeffery Schwartz.
Hang in there, you are going to be ok.
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