HIV Ocd I am really going crazy

[ocdocd1234]

Hi
I went for HIV test at GUM Clinc.
The old lady who took my blood was extremely good and she will never use a needle again I am sure
I think I also think needle had no visible blood. But after 2 days OCD kikcked in.
The green needles stack were lying in a tray and could be openly seen.
The old lady was coming and going out of the room and the rrom was not locked.
What if some lunatic/criminal hiv patient or technician picks one of the needle and pricks him and keep it back
in the tray or draws some blood using the needle and vacutainer and keeps the needle back. The seal is there but what if the old lady innocently picks the needle without noticing the seal and uses on me.
I have to go through the window period again and next time ask her to open the seal in front of me.
I am really going crazy.

[JGF25]

I'm confused here...you say "it is going to get me eventually"  Why is that?  The guilt of going to the strip club and touching another woman?  Please....you need to just say ENOUGH already.  Go and pick up the following books:  Self-Coaching by Joseph Luciani and The OCD Workbook:  Your Guide to Breaking Free of OCD.  Then sit down and read them and commit to getting yourself better and stop putting yourself in situations that obviously cause you distress.  

[ocdocd1234]

Hi
I am getting an attack now and cannot stop thinking ,what if someone purposefully kept the needle there and the nurse ignored the seal , will hiv live in the needle for long time or may be dies in 30  mins assuming that the needle was lying on the tray for 30 mins. i dont know what to do and cannot concentrate on anything. please help, i cannot get out of mind and think hiv is going to get me eventually

[ocdocd1234]

Thanks. I absolutely cannot tell my wife about the incident. Last time I cheated on her and had confessed not to do it again but she trusted me. This time I have cheated her again by going to a  a strip club where I did not touch the girl there but the girl rubbed my face with her breats  after touching her vagina and it manifested into hiv fear whether the blood or something came into my eyes. I told myself not to go there but thought it is safe but why did the girl rubbed her breasts on my face when I was not even having a private dance. If I do this things I get punished indirectly.
I was also not suppose to do an HIV Test suggested by the helpline but ended up doing.
But you are right I need to see a professional asap.

[nursegirl6572]

I agree with JGF completely...you should listen to her.  She's a wise woman who has been there.

I agree that guilt is probably playing a big part in this for you.  Like JG said, whether or not you decide to tell your wife is up to you, but if you want to do that, want to do it for the RIGHT reasons, not to unburden yourself of this secret.  You also have to be realistic and expect the very worse scenario if you DO tell her.  My advice is to not make any decisions on that until you've gotten some help and can think it through with a clearer mind.

You definitely need to reach out to a professional.  You don't have to suffer needlessly when there is so much help out there.

Take care.

[JGF25]

Cheating on one's spouse is a big deal to be sure but I don't think there is some higher power out there making people pay for their mistakes, at least not here on this earth.  I think it is your own guilt that is making you feel this way.  Whether you tell your wife or not is up to you but I do think that if this thought process continues it will not turn out well for you.  There are many things that trigger OCD irrational thinking and now that you have put yourself in this position, it is up to you to get out of it.  I think the real question is why did you cheat?  That is something you need to examine closely and then maybe you can come up with some steps for the future.  Take care.

[ocdocd1234]

Thanks for your comments. Why I feel that someone is there somewhere to punish me because I cheated my wife. I always feel we have to pay the price of our wrong deeds one day in this life itself. Yes you are right that I have to see a psychologist soon and has to do it without telling my wife as she will leave me immediately. What if, what if things come in my mind always and I have become completely weak inside

[JGF25]

Hi there....so it sounds like you have been diagnosed with OCD and it has kicked into high gear.  What you have to remember is that OCD makes us think really stupid irrational thoughts that wouldn't happen in a million years.  Honestly, some of the thoughts I have managed to conjure up just make me laugh now because they were so completely absurd.  But I know, at the time, they are very real and cause great distress.  

So let me assure you that there are no documented cases of people getting HIV from a syringe that somebody snuck in and tainted on purpose.  You need to make yourself believe this.  You don't need to go through a "window period" for testing because there is no possiblity you are HIV positive from this incident.  It is all a mind game you are playing on yourself.  That is where the problems lies.  You need to gain the control back.  Have you ever been to see a psychologist?  Have you ever learned cognitive behavioral therapy?  Have you ever taken medication for your OCD?