HIV Phobia

[ParanoidAndroid8]

Can anyone else offer me some reassurance or at least sympathy on this battle I'm constantly fighting. Just go through my post history and you'll see what I mean....

Anyone else who obsesses over this who has learned ways to cope?

Kind words?

Anything? I'm constantly terrified.

[JGF25]

A lot of the SSRIs have sexual side effects. I take Klonopin as well but only at night to sleep.  When I took it during the day it only took the edge off the panic for a while and then I was back at it.  

This is my take on Meds.  Yes, they do affect the sex drive and do sometimes make people gain weight.  I have tried Prozac (worked well but yes sex stunk) and celexa and lexapro.  I basically went to my doctor and said I want the best of both worlds...controlled OCD and be able to have an orgasm.  So I tried Wellbutrin.  It is a SNRI.  It has the least sexual side effects and it works really well for me.  So something to consider because I do think that medication can and will work for you.  

Did you learn CBT?  I'm not sure if you answered that question.

[ParanoidAndroid8]

and just now re-reading my post. I read the part where I said it gave me sexual side effects and recently have read they could be permanent. And my mind goes "that sounded like you still have the sexual side effects" (which I don't) "and if you don't clarify that maybe you will start to have them again and they will be permanent....

So yeah, that's how my brain works. I have to go back and say that i had decreased labido while on paxil, and after stopping went back to normal, but I am now afraid to take the chance again that I could start the new meds, get the side effect and THEN it be permanent.

^ that's like a superstitious or "magic" OCD thing isn't it? Crap :(

[ParanoidAndroid8]

Thank you man... I really appreciate reading that. I actually have been doing the say it out loud method for the checking and it has helped tremendously... though it does tend to stress out my fiance' and makes me feel ashamed (could be in my head that she is "mad" at me)

You are a super kind person. And it's good to know there are people out there that have this condition who are managing it. Gives me hope.

I am currently on Clonazepam 1mg 2x daily... It barely helps me at all. I see a psychiatrist who is very knowledgeable, and wanted to put me on Celexa and explained the whole serotonin issue with OCD. But I refuse to take it because about 5 years ago I was put on Paxil and it totally ruined my life. It all of a sudden made me into a reckless, risk-seeking monster... I guess it "worked" but too well, I wasn't on a high dose and it did a lot of damage to the relationships in my life and my job. I also had sexual side effects (and have since then read the very slim chance that they could be permanent) and the only truly great thing I have in my life is my beautiful fiance', so I' am not going to risk either of those things Paxil did to me.

So basically I refuse to take SSRI's. It just is too scary to me.

I was also diagnosed with ADD. Which was a horrible combination to have when it was untreated, unfocused but obsessing at the same time, which lead to being scattered about a million things at once. I have gotten the ADD under control with 20mg of Adderall 2 x a day...

But thank you for the words, I unfortunately did not see your responses the day I was flipping out about my last "exposure", i got home from work and "turned off" (hid) until that fear finally went away.

I actually came here today to post in the OCD board about an incident I'm currently going trhoguh at this moment, and really need support on. So maybe you will see that post and offer some equally helpful advice. Thank you again

[JGF25]

Oh and I wanted to mention your checking disorder.  I know that one well.  This is what you need to do.  When you turn off the stove or lock the door or turn off the iron say out loud "The stove is off" or "The iron is off" That way when you are down the road and that moment of shear panic hits you, you will remember that you said the words out loud.  It is kind of like reassuring yourself.  So remember the words and then do this breathing technique to calm yourself down.  You take a deep breath in through your nose, hold it for 5 seconds and count this out in your head, then let it all out through your mouth.  Practice this breathing technique lying down at first.  You can do it anywhere at any time and nobody will even know you are doing it.  I use it whenever I feel overwhelmed or am afraid of something.  

The other thing is once you do check the stove and you said it out loud, you are not allowed to go back.  You have to stop yourself.  Busy yourself with something else like a TV show or a book or even meditation videos on YouTube.  Anything but DO NOT go back.  The more you give into the impulse to go back, the more the checking behavior is going to rule your life.  

[JGF25]

Hi there...so I did read what you put on the HIV prevention forum and the answers you were given.  You mentioned that you are taking medication but it isn't working?  Who is prescribing the medication -- GP or psychiatrist?  Also have you ever been to a psychologist to learn cognitive behavioral therapy?