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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Community
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Avatar universal

HIV and STD Intrusive Thought

Hi There,

I don't know whether this is an OCD or not but it is definitely an anxiety. So my story was, on December 11th i received an oral sex from a CSW, i was using condom by that time and i'm absolutely sure i was protected, the oral sex activity is actually quite brief only last for about a minutes or two, and i came in the condom, NO intercourse whatsoever anal or vaginal and it ended just like that. I have been tested for common STD (Syphilis, Gon, HSV 1 & 2, Hep B and Hep C) and HIV at the right time and all my test are negative and conclusive.

Trying to find closure and to leave this traumatic experience behind me, on April 1st, i went to location where i met the CSW from my exposure, to know whether she's around and i want to ask her myself if she had any diseases or any indication of a disease. I forgot her name unfortunately, so i ask around another CSW on that district. And i am scared, i don't know why but i am scared. I am afraid that they will give me HIV just by talking to me or even by breathing the same air, i realize that is ridiculous, because i don't even touch them and i just talk to them and that is. My heart is racing and i have an intrusive thought that i have lost control and do that stupid similar exposure again which will annulled all my test result and take me back to  where i started 4 months ago and forgot about it. I know that i did not done anything, i just talked to them, i was riding my motorbike that other day and i did not even get off my bike while talking to them. But i still troubled and still have doubt and i am scared that i have contracted diseases from it, even though I KNOW EXACTLY that nothing happen that day, i just talked to a couple of the CSW in that area, and when i did not get any information about the whereabouts of the CSW in my exposure, i immediately went home and never went to that district again and will never will.

I kindly looking forwards for your opinion and advice.

Kind Regards.
3 Responses
1699033 tn?1514116733
COMMUNITY LEADER
Where do you live?  Is therapy readily available?  Doubt is a big part of OCD or any anxiety for that matter.  It doesn't mean you have OCD but rather you could have HIV anxiety or perhaps you have health-related anxiety.  In any event, you need some therapy.  

Here is a good article about OCD and the stages of it and what you need to do to get help for it.  

http://www.wsps.info/index.php?catid=0:&id=82:ten-things-you-need-to-know-to-overcome-ocd&option=com_content&view=article
Avatar universal
Hi There,

I live in Jakarta, Indonesia. Therapy is not readily available here and it is quite costly, so i need to find another way to get help to alleviate my anxiety. the link that you give me is spot on. Guilt and Doubt are my main factors in my anxiety. I doubted myself what if i "accidentally" repeated my exposure without having any knowledge of it.  I KNOW FOR SURE that i did not done anything, i just talked to them, i was riding my motorbike that other day and i did not even get off my bike while talking to them. I don't know why i have this thought, i guess my mind just making this what if scenario for me. My nerves and anxiety have gone down, i hope i could get closure on my anxiety. Any other thought guys? It would really helpful and i appreciated it tremendously
Avatar universal
Hi there friend, i am sorry if i bother you guys again, i can't seems to really forget about my experience on April 1st, eventhough i know for sure and i am not drunk or anything at that time and i didn't do anything with those CSW, i still have some worries that what if i "accidentally" repeated my exposure without having any knowledge of it. Even though I KNOW i didn't do anything and i only talked to some of them and i dont even touch them. I am afraid that i have another lapse of judgment that day and annulled all my STD negative result, even though i know that nothing happen. I don't know why i even doubted myself right now or even having this anxiety. Please help me
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