HIV stress

[Lucija13]

I spent some time on HIV prevention forum and I found many people facing fears and anxiety such as I do. There are many questions where people are concerned about events that are low or no risk situations for contracting HIV.
I'm also one of them and this is why I decided to seek some help or any support here.
A month ago I met a guy out in the club and the night ended up just with kissing. It was very short beacuse I didn't like his approach, he was not so kind and gentle, he didnt do anything special but I didnt like it and was scared a little. Next day I felt awful, guilty and stupid...Probably had a need to punish myself so somehow I started to think about catching HIV from incident night before. I did a research on the Internet and after it became scared to death. Information like HIV could be transmitted through kissing, toothbrush, body piercing upset me a lot. I didn' t sleep whole night, started to analyze past events in my life. Even slightest possibility for contracting HIV caused anormously fears. Few days later I decided to get tested, and I did...Results were ready next day and I tested negative. I felt much better and everything was ok, but then few days later I was at the beginning of the story, worrying about kissing event and using roomate's toothbrush..(as I know that HIV is not detectable three days post exposure) I read posts on this forums and some other forums with similar opinion that I was not at risk. I respect people working here and trying to help and I believe them, but can't stop worrying anyway. I convinced myself that I could be infected and I can't stand the fact that there was even theoretical risk for me. I lost interest for other things, I spend most of time on this forum what reflected on studying habits. I cant stop thinking about HIV. I'm quite sure that I dont have it, but I feel fears and think about worse possible outcomes like I will be the first to catch it through kissing and that in my case there were perfect conditions to catch it from kissing. When I sometimes convince myself that I didn't get it from this event I find something new to worry about. I would appreciate any advice from you guys here and I know that I should visit counseling. Thank you!

[lola099]

I would also suggest seeing a Dr about your OCD symptoms. From what you describe your fears are causing an interuption in your daily life and that is a problem. OCD can be treated, and it can be overcome and we can live life the way we would like to stress free and free from this OCD monster. However, if you do not get help for it there is the possibility that it can get worse and I am sure that you notice that it is getting there. Nip it in the bud before it becomes something that feels too big t handle.

We are all in the same boat, and we understand, we do not judge and we are here to help. But again we are not professionals. I really think you should go to a Dr and talk about these symptoms.

[RainLover71]

Only read the facts & stay away from the wrong information.Sites like wiki are no good because silly people post stupid information there just to make people worry & panic.The facts about HIV transmission are basic,just accept them & you can't go wrong.

[Lucija13]

many people told me that I should stay away from internet and I' ll try, but when I get panic attack I try to find information here that tells me I'm ok. Than I need some time to convince myself that it's like that. Like at this moment I feel ok. But it varies from time to time.

Thank you for support and your willing to help. It also makes me feel better :-)

[Lucija13]

Thank you for your answer, I feel better. I was concerned about events that happened shortly before testing. I read so many times that it's not transmitted via kissing, but there are always but and what if questions. I'm pesimistic, I always think negative and that worse possible scenario will happen. So I started to think and believe (no matter  I read that kissing is not a risk) in worse scenarios and feel bad about myself especially when I see other people hanging out, enjoying their lives and I stay home and think about HIV even I shouldn't be concerned.Im also affraid that worse scenario could happen to me not to them, my friends....I spent too much time on internet and read as you said misinformation, but even I'm aware that information are incorrect I cant calm this fears or stop thinking. I cant stand the fact that there was even slightest risk as I could find somwhere. I feel better now, but few hours before I had a panic attack. Yestrday I was ok  until I became worried about cutting myself with the razor immediatley after I put it at the edge of tub where it could be some blood, Then again I started to analyze past events. I feel better here, I read posts multiple times. Anyway Im not diagnosed, but Im sure that I have OCD beacuse this is not only about HIV. I waste my emotional and physical energy on unimportant things in every day life and I am affraid of many things. Thank you on your willing to help, it really helps and I feel better.

[FightagainstOCD]

I know what you are going through.Please stay away from doing lot of research on internet. You have no risk and you are fine. Pleas calm down and stop thinking.

[lola099]

HIV is a fragile virus outside of the body.

A very good website, that has very reliable information is : www.****.com
Typically I would recommend staying off of the internet and not researching this again and again, but it seems that you have read some misinformation.It is important to know the facts and then to end it there.

If you were tested  for HIV and it came back negative, good for you. That is great news. Anything that you did in your past, high risk or no risk, has not lead to infection. Leave your past where it belongs and move forward knowing that you are free from HIV.

You cannot catch it from kissing, you cannot catch it from a toothbrush (but seriously don't share one, cause ew) you cannot catch it from a toilet seat, you cannot catch it from blood on a surface.. the list of how you cannot catch it is infinately larget than the list of how you CAN catch it.

Also please keep in mind that we are not professionals, and that is the case on many forums and websites and this is how you get wrong information an begin to worry.

OCD is an awful thing. Have you been diagnosed or are you just starting on the stress and fear?

[RainLover71]

There is absolutely no risk from kissing or using someone elses toothbrush for HIV transmission.You have nothing to be concerned about at all.Reading outdated or incorrect information on the internet can often make anxiety worse.

[Lucija13]

I dont want to be annoying with too long posts here but I would also add that I usually analyze different, totally unimportant situations in every day life. I worry too much and this have to do something with extremley lack of self confidence even I know from people around me that I dont have reasons to feel inferior. I'm generally pesimistic about everything. This feelings lead to depression and ruin my life and HIV thoughts really gone too far. Furthermore I think from all my friends and their risk for infection (that are higher) I'm in the worse position.