Aa
HIV
Hello,
Since my early childhood, I had OCD. Always washed my hands many times, very picky about things I eat, get extremely worried and seriously depressed whenever i'm sick (whether it's a simple flu, or food poisoning). The illness always takes longer than normal to heal, because of anxiety aggravating symptoms.
OCD also applies in the fear of me "hurting" others. I always had a "fear" of me having "HIV".. so whenever i bleed (even it was just a few droplets), i always make sure i disinfect the area... fearing of contaminating others.
When driving, i'm always obsessed about the idea of me hurting pedestrians on the side walks, or hitting neighboring cars. I'm actually a very good and safe driver, but still.. i always have these hallucinations that i'm constantly hitting someone i didn't see. Same thing goes, when i'm driving backwards by car.. i always get outside the car, and check if i hit someone.
To challenge my "HIV" status, and to have piece in mind, I did the HIV test, and the result was negative. I was safe.
Few days ago, i had protected sex, with a woman of questionable HIV status (she's very sexually active). Since then, i'm freaking out big time. I can barely sleep, barely eat, sometimes barely stand. Even if the sex was protected, i always imagine there are some risks (on uncovered areas). When discussing with doctors, some say: very very low risk but get tested again. Some others say: no risk at all, don't get tested, but go see a psychiatrist to help you on your OCD. For me, i always assume worst case scenarios.. and in this case, the scenario (HIV contamination) is fatal.
4 days now, i'm lost some weight, barely spoke to friends.. I lost appetite, my heart hurts, and i often wake up at night with panic attacks. it impacted my job and daily life. I don't know if i can stand to wait till the HIV test window period (1 months).
I know that contracting HIV while having protection is so improbable, and that crossing the street would be more dangerous.. I know all the stats, i read all articles about HIV prevention, protection, ... But still, i can't overcome my fears. I'm in a very high anxiety status.
Any professional advice to help me?
Since my early childhood, I had OCD. Always washed my hands many times, very picky about things I eat, get extremely worried and seriously depressed whenever i'm sick (whether it's a simple flu, or food poisoning). The illness always takes longer than normal to heal, because of anxiety aggravating symptoms.
OCD also applies in the fear of me "hurting" others. I always had a "fear" of me having "HIV".. so whenever i bleed (even it was just a few droplets), i always make sure i disinfect the area... fearing of contaminating others.
When driving, i'm always obsessed about the idea of me hurting pedestrians on the side walks, or hitting neighboring cars. I'm actually a very good and safe driver, but still.. i always have these hallucinations that i'm constantly hitting someone i didn't see. Same thing goes, when i'm driving backwards by car.. i always get outside the car, and check if i hit someone.
To challenge my "HIV" status, and to have piece in mind, I did the HIV test, and the result was negative. I was safe.
Few days ago, i had protected sex, with a woman of questionable HIV status (she's very sexually active). Since then, i'm freaking out big time. I can barely sleep, barely eat, sometimes barely stand. Even if the sex was protected, i always imagine there are some risks (on uncovered areas). When discussing with doctors, some say: very very low risk but get tested again. Some others say: no risk at all, don't get tested, but go see a psychiatrist to help you on your OCD. For me, i always assume worst case scenarios.. and in this case, the scenario (HIV contamination) is fatal.
4 days now, i'm lost some weight, barely spoke to friends.. I lost appetite, my heart hurts, and i often wake up at night with panic attacks. it impacted my job and daily life. I don't know if i can stand to wait till the HIV test window period (1 months).
I know that contracting HIV while having protection is so improbable, and that crossing the street would be more dangerous.. I know all the stats, i read all articles about HIV prevention, protection, ... But still, i can't overcome my fears. I'm in a very high anxiety status.
Any professional advice to help me?
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Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Condoms are the most effective way to prevent HIV and STDs.
PrEP is used by people with high risk to prevent HIV infection.
Your OCD run along many lines and honestly you need to be in treatment for it. Have you seen a psychologist in the past? You have mentioned reading articles about HIV prevention, protection, etc. but what have you actually learned that you believe? It seems to me that doubt will always be there and doubt is a big part of OCD.
Check out this website:
http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=By_Illness&Template=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=142546
The bottom line is you need to see a psychologist. You need to learn about this disorder, you need to learn cognitive behavioral therapy. Unchecked OCD gets worse as you know. That is why you can't eat, have no desire to be with your friends, and can barely function. It leads to depression. Stop the roller coaster and get off finally. Seek the help you need and of course we will be here for you if you have any other questions. Remember, we cannot make you better, only you can do that.