HOCD! Please read!!:)

[bluebirds141516]

Hello all!  here's today's big question- should I give up? Should I accept my homosexuality, or bisexuality, and stop the fight? I've been fighting this for 3 years.
I still get thoughts- but no more anxiety. I can't tell if I want to be with a girl or if it's just my mind tricking me. I got some attraction back to boys recently and it felt great. That's all gone now. I feel like this is too real and I want this. I hate waking up at 6, obsessing until 11 and then going to sleep. If I give into my thoughts will that all go away. Of course then I'll be gay...
I read that if you've never felt attraction to the same sex then there is no way you are gay. Well I experimented online with another girl at the beginning of puberty. I don't know if it was curiosity, hormones, or attraction. Is that who I truly am?
Thanks for reading. I'll try not to post again, however these days my googling and checking in a lot worse and I get no relief. Not even for 10 minutes. Thanks again.

[Sweetheartgirl]

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[benny3399]

What helps me cuz I've been suffering for 4 months now. I had it for 3 months last year and it went away cuz some other form of OCD consumed me. But what helps me currently is just telling myself to stay confident and don't do any compulsions because that's what feeds it. Before your HOCD started you obviously felt as if you were straight. That's what you are. Gay people don't worry this much about sexuality because they know what they are and accept it. You've been aroused by the opposite sex and like it. Secuality should be based off of what you like doing. If you are this upset about these thoughts do you think you like these thoughts? Of course you don't your mind is trying to tell you you don't like it. The anxiety and spikes are spikes in the mind telling you not to act on it. I know for me I have a girlfriend I'm a 17 year old male and I'm so happy with her. But when I'm not with her my mind plays tricks on me. You just have to tell yourself (if you've ever been in a relationship with the opposite sex) that it is irrational because I enjoyed the relationship. You think gay people would enjoy a relationship or love someone in a sexual way that is not their preferred lover? Of course not hey never had that feeling. They can't cuz it's nkt who they are. I'm sure if any straight person who fought about being gay all day would freak out too if it was in their head cuz they know it's not who they are. Just keep your head up and keep battling. I'm sure you've seen the chart of the difference between gay and HOCD. I'm assuming your symptoms are lenient towards HOCD.so keep your head up as lmk if this helps.

[benny3399]

You're born the way you are you can't just be straight your whole life and wake up and be gay after loving your hetero life. It doesn't work like that

[benny3399]

How are you doing? Just checking in.

[bluebirds141516]

Not well at all right now. I'm spiking and my anxiety is so high rn it's insane. I was in another support group and I just feel like I'm gay and these people who have no idea what they are talking about are posting in my posts. I feel Ike I lost the battle and I'm very very on edge and irritable. I don't want to be gay but everything makes me feel like i am. When someone doesn't tell me I'm straight and says "wait and figure it out over time" then I spike. What should I do?

[JGF25]

I really think you should see a therapist.  They are trained to teach you how to deal with the thoughts.  If you have no idea what to do with them when they come, then you will be stuck.  You will develop some of your own coping skills but it may not be enough.  Sometimes when we are in this mode of thinking for so long, we can't remember what it feels like to be normal and that is where the professional help comes in.  

[bluebirds141516]

Hi again. I think I may be having another spike although I just had one...I feel like I am gay or bisexual now. That's just who I am??? But it makes me so sad, I usually am not anxious but yesterday  I had butterflies. I think it was because I watched something with two girls I had a response?!!?!!!? Does that mean I'm gay!! Also I know I like boys to some extent, so am I bi then??? I don't want to be but i feel like my mind wants me to be. I am so irritated and I just feel like taking showers can wash my thoughts away but it doesn't. I hate getting out of bed... Do the thoughts intesify during PMS? It's about that time and I always feel similar to this before my period. Thank you :)

[benny3399]

Just because you have those feelings doesn't mean you are gay. You are thinking about it too much. Whenever you think about anything sexual you will get a response. If it makes you sad your mind is telling you you don't want it. Your romantic life should be happy and filled with excitement. If you are not happy by these thoughts and are sad to have them you are not gay. Are you sad when you have straight thoights? No. how many times did you freak out when thinking about being with someone of the opposite sex. Never because it's natural to you at a young age you liked it and you still do. You're born the way you are you are what you always were when you were younger.

[benny3399]

Also could you picture yourself in a relationship with either sex? Cuz ultimately that's what it is all about. I could say a guy is attractive but feel so weird when thinking about being in an intimate relationship with one. So I know I can't be gay. If you are not sexually or romantically attracted you are not gay.

[JGF25]

What was your take on my answer to your last question?  Also, have you seen a therapist?

[bluebirds141516]

Hello. Yes, your advice on my last post was helpful. However, I can't tell what's real or not anymore. I can't tell who I want to be with. I know I don't want to be gay  or bi. That's all.  I can't tell my natural response because I feel it's forced.
No, I haven't seen a therapist. I want to.