HOCD is taking control of my life.

[robson771]

All my life I've had fears that caused anxiety attacks. When I was young, I had fears about dying, or of being possesed by the devil. I learned to control my life after a while and it never got bother me again until a week before I was going to come from college and I thought that I was being possed by the devil. I had some medications for a ocuple of days and everything went away after a while. When I came to college I realized that I wasnt having much of a sexual life, due to the fact that I was in love with a girl back home. Ive always been into girls, but after my last break up there are times when I just dont want to think about girls. Then I felt that I lost my ability to be with girls. Then I realized that i was very metrosexual. Then I realized that a gay guy was cheking me out. This made me feel disgusting adn gay. Then i felt that everything I did meant that I was gay.  Then I came up with the idea that I might be gay. This went on and off for a bit, but than I got back into girls and everything went back to normal. I love spending my time with my buddies,and prefered to spend time with them just hanging out and laughing most of the time, than making out with a girl, but sometimes I come to the conclusion that this is becuase I am gay. Sometimes I do like spending time with girls but only sexually. After a while I saw that I was rejecting girls and started to be piky on most of the girls I analyzed. I thought this was a gay thing to do. I read about HOCD and most of the symptomes applied to my lifestyle, adn it made me alot more calm. But my anxiety attacks came back after a week when I thought to myself that maybey I was just in denial and that I am using the HOCD as an aexcuse. Masturbating in a daily routine would calm me down, also i qould be obssed about learning if I am gay or not, and I started to make gay tests and such. I appeard that I was gay and I freaked out. I also tried watching gay porn  right after I saw normal pornagraphy and I was aroused by it, adn this made me freak out even more. I cant even go out because I tend to see a hot girl and think to myself that I cant liek her because I am gay. Then, every guy I try picturing him and doing sexual acts and if i get aroused or anxious I freak out. I just wanted to know if I am gay or if I have HOCD? Please help!!

[j1money]

Heck I'd rather die then to be gay

[uzumaki1974]

im 35 year old .and i always been strai i love girls. and like 7 month ago i stating having these  homosexual thought in my head and i know im not gay but my brain is tellin me otherwise. i even watch gay por to see if im gay all i get is a weird feeling disguting at the same time.  i dont know this stuff happen to me but is killing me inside. im 35 i cant just turn gay like that  i dont see my self with a guy fisicly or romatic i rather die....

[gus22]

Guys I'm in the same boat, the same exact thing happened to me.  It happened to me first when I was younger, someone called me gay and I was filled with anxiety and fear that I actually was gay.  I've been attracted to women my entire life, and had never had any homosexual thoughts.  I mean I used to get erections just from hugging pretty girls.  The first time I was able to shrug it off, but a few months ago a girl who I didn't even know called me gay and again I was filled with anxiety and fear that I was actually gay.  It's definitely ocd/hocd buts it so hard to shrug off.  It keeps coming back each day its very frustrating.  I think the reason it came back with me is because I've had some frustrating sex with women; I suffer from premature ejaculation so I always felt like I wasn't pleasing my women even though thats all I wanted to do was please her.  But HOCD ***** because I started to anaylze everything, I mean every relashonship, every sexual encounter, every innocent thing from my childhood, it was hell.  I've calmed down since then I still think I'm gonna go see a doctor soon.  I really think I just have ocd and my mind is picking me apart and just analyzing everything.  Honestly robson711 I've felt exactly the same way you do...just checking my every movement if it was gay or not, I even looked at gay porn to see if I could get aroused(I couldn't).  I'm pretty sure I just have ocd because my mind used to do this to me when I was younger, I once worried I was fat when I was younger(I was very skinny) and I used to get panic attacks all the time about random ****.  Its frustrating I know but I also have a good feeling this will pass like all the other stuff did.  Seriously your definitely straight its just irrational fear and dread definitely ocd.  Its actually kind of funny how our minds **** with us.  But when I calm down I know I'm straight from the mere fact that I love holding a women in my arms and I love cuddling with them and being close to them.  But HOCD just preys on all our weaknesses.  Like my mind would look back at all my relashonships and tell me I never felt anything (sexual or emotional) for women, but I know I definitely did.  I remember losing so much sleep over it that I just dreaded going to bed each night because i knew my mind was gonna go nuts.  But thats ocd for you its all irrational fear, the actual topic that your mind picks is pretty random, for us its homosexuality for others its dying or being fat or whatever.  Even though hocd feels so real I don't think it is, I'm gonna overcome it and still have a good life.  It is difficult to be around women when all this happening too; there is this one girl I have a big crush on....some days I don't have that ******* voice in my head and I really love being around her, other days I can barely talk to her because my head is so ****** up.  God it ***** but I just gotta have some hope, it feels good to get this out and know there are others going through the same ********.  http://www.brainphysics.com/yourenotgay.php...this article really helped me put it into perspective he was saying that if you were gay you'd love your gay identity or whatever and you'd feel deep down good about it not disturbed by it...I've had maybe one or two homosexual dreams and they were very disutrbing to me but every other night I dream about women so deep down I know I'm good.  It ***** just hang in there I'm gonna do the same I'm gonna see a doc and hopefully get my life back on track
peace
nick

[milanfc10]

dude read the article in wikipedia on Sexual Obsessions.....your fear gets you aroused and can make you orgasm. Its not the content your watching(gay porn/thoughts) its the fear that makes it happen...its so much deeper though. your not gay. But me telling you that wont matter, you'll still worry about it.  Your Hocd distracts you from whats really bothering you. You have to get some therapy and figure it out . its simple dude youll get better

[fnslayer_1]

Okay im 20 and one day these thoughts just popped up it has been eating me a live I was nearly suicidal at one point because I was scared of being gay I have never found another man attractive or had any desire  to sleep with one, I went nuts completely Crazy and I was looking online and I came a across this article saying im gay your not and I read it very carefuly and then I realize whoa I have almpst all of these symptons of this then I learned more about ocd then I realized that I was always full of unrealistic Fears andI would have raging thought go threw my I would get suspicious of everything  

[AHawkins]

Everyone reacts differently to HOCD. Im willing to bet that yours is causing these thoughts but then again its hard to diagnose over the web. Go see a professional and tell him exactly what is going on.

[robson771]

This is isnt a double post. I just wanted to tell you my experience. WHen I found out about HOCD I became alot more calm, but i had doubts wether that was my mind accepting that I was gay. I tried cheking it out for my self and decided to watch the gay porno and I felt aroused but I felt disgusted of this feeling. I have been freaking out since then and now i cant seem to get images of men having sexual intercourse and it freaks me out but it arouses me at the same time. I used to love women but now I dont. Just tell me if HOCD can cause men to have arousements on something that they seem to be seen as wrong?

Please help!!

[AHawkins]

Dont double post!