HOCD or Denial?

[benny3399]

Hi I'm 17 years old and I believe to e suffering from HOCD. All the symptoms match what I'm gong through and I can't shake it. When I was younger I've always loved the idea of having a girlfriend and throughout middle school I dated multiple girls. I never thought about guys and always thoights guys were gross until when I was 16 my ex gf was talking about if I thought some other dude was attractive and I was like how can a guy be attractive. Then I thought yeah I guess he's good looking so then I freaked for about 3 months. It went away until about 8 'months later and that is to this day. So for the passed 4 months I have even miserable depressed and hating all the ideas. I can't focus in school and an struggling because of it. I have a gf who I love and want these thoughts to go away. Some of them get me light headed and then eventually once I feel good another idea pops in my head that I don't like and my mind keeps telling me u like it when I KNOW I DONT. I ride watching gay porn but I realized that that does no do anything as it is erotic so it gets some people eroused anyways. I've never gotten a boner by seeing a dude but from gay porn sometimes I will but I hated it so much and it was nasty. I just want these thoughts to go away and worry about things that are important. Sometimes I will think of something that proves to me I'm not and I'll feel good for a day and then I'll have to think of something else to make sure I really meant it. THIS IS Torture I hate the thoights. I see gay kids in my school who are happy and I always think like yeah they're happy cuz they like the thoights. Any normal straight guy who had these thoughts would stress out too (I think) PLEASE READ AND HELP IM BEGGING YOU

[Paxiled]

Many young men go through a bout of this.  Recognizing that a guy is attractive to women doesn't mean he's attractive to you.  If you were gay, that would also be no big deal.  But you don't sound like you are in any way, so you've just had some insecurity aroused.  As you get older that kind of insecurity will go away -- although other insecurities will arise.  It's okay to think about things, but not be to obsessed by them.  If you can't find a professional to talk to, I can tell you as an old guy that I went through this when I suffered my first bad break-up, but it was just insecurity.  We are who we are.  You're fine.  This is normal.  Peace.

[Paxiled]

By the way, my own view is there is no such thing as HOCD.  It's just a name used by insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies to put treatment into categories for reimbursement.  True OCD is real, but this isn't OCD, it's obsessive thinking.  All anxiety involves obsessive thinking.  Don't let the fact a label exists make a normal rite of passage something more involved.

[AnxiousNoMore]

Is there a counselor in your school where you can have a one on one conversation?

[benny3399]

Guidance counselor but not like a therapist.

[AnxiousNoMore]

There is a teen section on MH where you can also post.