Also sorry just wanted to add one more thing! I’ve always been confident enough to look at half naked pictures of girls without feeling anything because I always wanted to BE them not with them. Now I can’t even look like any attractive pictures of girls without second guessing myself. I used to be inspired by women but now I fear them in a way because of all this. Thanks again
Lets put aside the fact you're not describing OCD, as is so often the case here. You list a history of phobias, or strong irrational fears, which is an anxiety disorder. Have you ever considered therapy, as there seems to be a pattern here? As to the bi thing, maybe you are. Maybe you aren't. It might be bothering you so much because something happened somewhere along the line that caused you to become very insecure about yourself. Some people, for example, when they suffer a bad breakup early in their sexual lives start masturbating compulsively, which convinces them they're gay. The only reason for this to bother someone is if they have a judgment that being gay or bi is a bad thing, either because of a religious upbringing or some other reason to develop a bias. The more important thing is that it causes you so much grief and anxiety, and I'd suggest seeing a therapist before it gets worse or spreads to lots and lots of things. Get this taken care of sooner rather than later. Again, it doesn't matter if you're gay or bi or straight, it only matters that you're driving yourself nuts over it. That's what you need to work on. Peace.
Hello! I just wanted to say that I 100% feel what you are going through. I feel as if I just read something that I could’ve wrote myself. I am the same age and never in my life have ever wanted sexual relations with the same sex. I have never had any desire. But since this “hocd” or “phobia” what ever it is started my mind keeps making me constantly check everyone everywhere I go. I can’t hang out either my friends without getting thoughts snd I hate that because I know I’m not attracted to my friends. I feel like my brain is only noticing or paying attention to how girls look or if they are pretty now and I hate that too. It’s says “oh she had nice lips you want to kiss them” when before all of this started I knew I was repulsed by these things, but now all I feel is great anxiety. And now I can’t even think of guys because my mind says “it feels the same” and then I get extreme anxiety again. I hate this so much because I knew I was straight before all of this. But now my mind makes me feel as if my who like had been a lie. This has been the worst year of my life. My heart aches because anytime I think of a girl who is pretty my mind says I feel attraction. I can’t do anything without this **** popping into my head. It makes it feel so real that my heart just aches because I don’t want this. But the thoughts seem so real anymore I just feel lost. My mind says “this is who you are now, you want to think like this and do these things, you know that feeling is attraction” when really I know it’s just anxiety. I hate this all and I cannot wait for it to end. I hope you are feeling better and have been able to overcome this a little bit.