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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Community
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Avatar universal

HOCD or denial ITS Hell

The past week has been absolute hell for me.  I have been thinking that i all the sudden turned gay.  I have a girlfriend now and have had one for 2 years.  The question is in my head 24/7 doesnt stop, am i gay.  I never ever had any sexual feelings towards a man i always noticed a good looking guy who doesnt. im in college for 2 years now and i have had sex with like 4 girls and never thought i wish this was a dude or anything.  Sex now was decreased although i did do it 2 nights ago it felt great. but then the question still comes.  I recently masturbated to lesbian porn about 2 weeks ago and wonder how the hell did this come about.  my mind tells me im gay, its like trying to force me to be gay.  I am willing to accept it but i have never been like this my whole life. i cant take it.  It is like i am loosing attraction to women now because i seem to try so hard to look at them.  I have slept with over 15 girls my life and all the sudden i start thinking like this.  i dont know what it is, i know i will never act on homosexuality i just dont see it right for me.  its like i look up stuff everyday to find relief, but then i try to loook at a girl and dont see it anymore. AHHH help seerious help
23 Responses
Avatar universal
I HAVE EXACTLY THE SAME SYMPTOMS AS YOU!  i need help 24 ******* 7, i dont know about you but when im with my girlfriend and we are doing somthing really good together and its perfect and you realise how much you love her then afterwards it comes right back.!!!!! i need it to go!!!!! do you know anything what gets it out of your head??
Avatar universal
I dont know dude, i am on these forums all the time.  I was at the movies with her and i was grabbing her leg and got a boner and i was like babe were doing it tonight.  but now it is appearing again, im relieved when i talk about it, but who wants to hear it 24/7.  I would defnitaly be willing to accept it if i had questioned it my whole life but damn all the sudden that is not, how i was brought up and came about.  I force myself to eat everyday because i am never hungry.  it ***** dog.  i dont enjoy doing anytime anymore.  i read peoples problems and find some relief.  I think to myself DUDE ARE YOU REALLY GAY COME ON JUST SAY IT, and im no way how come i be.  At first i was looking up on how to please a girl quicker and make her have an orgasm faster, then i looked at erection dysfunction then gay came to my head, and hasnt left for a week.  I read other peoples and say they have had it for years, that scares me even more.  I want my old self back so bad i would do anything for it.  i would look at girls and be like damn i would so you know, now im confused when i look at them. WHAT the hell.  I play soccer and my favorite player is cristiano ronaldo, everyone thinks he goodlooking i do too, but i never thought of kissing him or having sex with him but before i would kim kardashian and think damn i would love to. now i just wanna punch both of them in face because i hate my mind so much.
Avatar universal
I admitt i do get jeolous or see when i think a guy is better looking then i am, but never thought so sh*t i wanna kiss him.  i dont think i will ever get over this. I think to myself how could this happen to me i was fine loving life.  Now i feel like im in my own little world.  i love going to sleep now.  I feel bad for my g/f because she doesnt deserve this sh*t i told her about it because its only fair and she says i know your not gay.  and says i will get over it,  i make her promise me. thats how desperate i feel.
Avatar universal
anyone out there. that can give me some advice. its like im always looking for reinsurance
Avatar universal
anyonee???
Avatar universal
Ok Soccer
it will be ok. I am positive it is OCD. I went through a similar situation and I got through it. It was hard but you cant focus on it- when you focus on this you are only feeding into the anxiety believe me... next time it comes to your head think of something else right away- now it will come back but you just need to keep changing the subject in your head. its exhausting but it works. I dont get the thoughts anymore. I havent had any thoughts since high school. Just remember IT IS YOUR OCD- nothing else. Let that be your focus! Hope this helps Good luck
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