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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Community
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Avatar universal

HOCD or denial ITS Hell

The past week has been absolute hell for me.  I have been thinking that i all the sudden turned gay.  I have a girlfriend now and have had one for 2 years.  The question is in my head 24/7 doesnt stop, am i gay.  I never ever had any sexual feelings towards a man i always noticed a good looking guy who doesnt. im in college for 2 years now and i have had sex with like 4 girls and never thought i wish this was a dude or anything.  Sex now was decreased although i did do it 2 nights ago it felt great. but then the question still comes.  I recently masturbated to lesbian porn about 2 weeks ago and wonder how the hell did this come about.  my mind tells me im gay, its like trying to force me to be gay.  I am willing to accept it but i have never been like this my whole life. i cant take it.  It is like i am loosing attraction to women now because i seem to try so hard to look at them.  I have slept with over 15 girls my life and all the sudden i start thinking like this.  i dont know what it is, i know i will never act on homosexuality i just dont see it right for me.  its like i look up stuff everyday to find relief, but then i try to loook at a girl and dont see it anymore. AHHH help seerious help
23 Responses
Avatar universal
I HAVE EXACTLY THE SAME SYMPTOMS AS YOU!  i need help 24 ******* 7, i dont know about you but when im with my girlfriend and we are doing somthing really good together and its perfect and you realise how much you love her then afterwards it comes right back.!!!!! i need it to go!!!!! do you know anything what gets it out of your head??
Avatar universal
I dont know dude, i am on these forums all the time.  I was at the movies with her and i was grabbing her leg and got a boner and i was like babe were doing it tonight.  but now it is appearing again, im relieved when i talk about it, but who wants to hear it 24/7.  I would defnitaly be willing to accept it if i had questioned it my whole life but damn all the sudden that is not, how i was brought up and came about.  I force myself to eat everyday because i am never hungry.  it ***** dog.  i dont enjoy doing anytime anymore.  i read peoples problems and find some relief.  I think to myself DUDE ARE YOU REALLY GAY COME ON JUST SAY IT, and im no way how come i be.  At first i was looking up on how to please a girl quicker and make her have an orgasm faster, then i looked at erection dysfunction then gay came to my head, and hasnt left for a week.  I read other peoples and say they have had it for years, that scares me even more.  I want my old self back so bad i would do anything for it.  i would look at girls and be like damn i would so you know, now im confused when i look at them. WHAT the hell.  I play soccer and my favorite player is cristiano ronaldo, everyone thinks he goodlooking i do too, but i never thought of kissing him or having sex with him but before i would kim kardashian and think damn i would love to. now i just wanna punch both of them in face because i hate my mind so much.
Avatar universal
I admitt i do get jeolous or see when i think a guy is better looking then i am, but never thought so sh*t i wanna kiss him.  i dont think i will ever get over this. I think to myself how could this happen to me i was fine loving life.  Now i feel like im in my own little world.  i love going to sleep now.  I feel bad for my g/f because she doesnt deserve this sh*t i told her about it because its only fair and she says i know your not gay.  and says i will get over it,  i make her promise me. thats how desperate i feel.
Avatar universal
anyone out there. that can give me some advice. its like im always looking for reinsurance
Avatar universal
anyonee???
Avatar universal
Ok Soccer
it will be ok. I am positive it is OCD. I went through a similar situation and I got through it. It was hard but you cant focus on it- when you focus on this you are only feeding into the anxiety believe me... next time it comes to your head think of something else right away- now it will come back but you just need to keep changing the subject in your head. its exhausting but it works. I dont get the thoughts anymore. I havent had any thoughts since high school. Just remember IT IS YOUR OCD- nothing else. Let that be your focus! Hope this helps Good luck
Avatar universal
thank you. your the ****
Avatar universal
kristen what was your situation. im still having this. its killing me.  im 20 years old never had this problem till now im scared and need more input how can i ever get over this sh*t
Avatar universal
I've had a similar experience and it went away. One time I couldn't get it up with my girlfriend and it started then. Finally it stopped mainly I think because I convinced myself that people don't just turn gay or "catch gayness." If they did then they would be attracted to men they wouldn't be so anxious and confused.
Avatar universal
I know it's crazy though how my mind is just trying to focus on dudes now all the sudden. Trying to say I don't like girls but I had sex with 15 girls my life  and I  know I loved it. and all the sudden I'm questioning myself all day. I don't enjoy doing anything.  I don't have a problem with gay people at all. But I know my whole life I was never like this and Thats why it's so hard to get over and not think about it.  People can't just turn gay can they?  
Avatar universal
Was I lying to myself my whole life.  It's depressing as hel!
Avatar universal
Hey soccer
my situtation was I thought I was becoming a lesbian even though I had always been in love with guys since I was little. I remember having a crush on my daycare teacher Kevin when I was just 4 years old. Ever since then I have been obsessed with boys. In high school I was on the dance team and one day these girls were talking and staring at me and my first thought was that they talking about me and that maybe I was a lesbian. I dont know why that entered my mind and i guess thats why it freaked me out so much. But after that I felt uncomfortable being around my friends especially the "pretty ones" because I was afraid what if I felt something but I never did. But like you I would say what if it was denial what if im lying to myself. I began making myself sick because I was so confused and in my research I looked up girls who were lesbians and when they realized they had were attracted to lesbians. I didn't match anything like them. Thats when I knew it was my OCD. So when the thoughts would come I would sing a song in my head or think of something. Of course the thoughts of "your a lesbian" would come back but then I would just sing a song again and again or think of something else. I would list every guy I have a crush on and the list would be front and back. What you need to do is focus all your energy on something else. When the thoughts come sing your favorite song until it goes away. When it comes back 5 seconds later sing it again. Write down every girl youve slept with or crushed on. Another thing I did which is optional of course because I'm religious is pray about it. The point is focus your energy on other things so when the thoughts come you have something to turn to. Its not easy at all. It took me a couple months but I havent had the thoughts in over 4 years. Good luck
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