Hi there. First of all you are 15 so no need to rush into anything here just to get closure on this thought. That is all it is anyway. Just a thought that has popped into your head. Now you are analyzing everything in your life to answer the question "Am I a lesbian or not." Well think about it this way. If you were a lesbian, you wouldn't be fighting the thought would you? You would just accept it and move on. The fact that you are fighting it tells me you are definitely not a lesbian. And yes, girls look at other girls as a comparison. At my age I still look at women...I want to look as good as the next 47 year old! So that isn't ever going to go away LOL
You are at that age when people say things that really don't mean anything at all but when you have OCD, and I'm not diagnosing you because I'm not a doctor, but let's just say you did have it, we tend to blow everything out of proportion and take it to the nth horrible degree.
I will be honest with you and tell you that I too thought I was gay once and at the time I was married. It is just a common thought that a lot of OCD people have at one time or another. It is a life changer and those are the thoughts that tend to stick in our brains like a bad dream.
So rest assured that you are not gay. Don't take what your friends say to heart..."you like guys with girly faces"...that is just stupid. Be the wonderful self that you are and move on. As I said before, don't do anything stupid just to prove this thought as false. You just have to know it and live your life. I wouldn't want to see you doing something stupid at 15. Your time with guys will come. I'm guessing you just graduated 9th grade? Plenty of time for boys in your life. Just wait and see...one will come along that knocks you for a loop.
Take care and just be 15.
thank you so much. I feel so calmed right now, you don't even know. I just wanted to ask you something. When I was reading your comment, and you said "You are not gay" I felt this BIG relief and I was really glad, but at the same time some part of my brain felt...I don't know, sad? I don't know if that is HOCD. Which is weird because I know I don't want want to be lesbian. My brain is just annoying. I do know I don't want to be lesbian and that I am straight, but the other half is bullying me about it.
I tell people that OCD should really be renamed OMG for Obsessive Mind Game. That is what this is. We are playing tricks on ourselves...how stupid is that but if we could turn it off, we would.
People think weird things all the time and they are able to let them go. When it gets to the point that you can't let the thoughts go, then it may be time to seek out the help of a psychologist. If you saw somebody, they could tell you whether you have OCD or not or maybe just some anxiety. From there they can help you learn to cope with the thoughts, how to get rid of them and what to do when anxiety does arise.
The next time this thought comes into your mind...try the following. Imagine a red handle in your head and imagine yourself pulling it toward you and say "STOP" in your head. Keep pulling that handle even if you have to do it 10 times. Then start controlled breathing...take a deep breath in through your nose, hold it for 5 seconds and count that out in your head. Then let it all out through your mouth. You can do controlled breathing in any situation and nobody will even know you are doing it. After a few minutes your heart rate will come back down to normal and then you can think straighter.
Don't beat yourself up for something that isn't your fault. You didn't wake up one day and ask to have these thoughts. They just are and you need to find ways to let them go.
I really want to talk to my parents about the OCD, but like I said, my mom won't believe me. I don't know why. I have cried to get three times but she won't budge. She thinks it's normal. Thanks for the advice. I will do that whenever I get those thoughts!
If it continues then you need to get your mom to understand. Ask her to take you to your regular doctor so that you can tell him/her what is going on. They can then be the mediator between you and your mom. When it comes from a doctor it is a whole different story than when it comes from a teenager. If you were my child, you would be at the psychologist's office but that is because I understand the disorder because I have it. People that don't have the disorder...well it is hard for them. It really isn't their fault. I mean they can just turn it off and simply don't understand why we cannot. Don't be mad at your mom. If the techniques I gave you don't work and you are absolutely miserable, then tell her you don't feel well and want to go to the doctors.
Take care and of course you can post on here anytime...I'm not going anywhere :)
I told my sister last night and I think she's going to tell my mom. I think that if she sees how my sister acted like night, she might give in. I have a question. I was talking to some people who also have HOCD and they told me that they feel uncomfortable around the same sex. I don't feel uncomfortable around them though. When I see them I just feel indifferent, the same way I feel when I see a guy I'm not attracted to. When I see guys that I like/think are attractive, I just get all weird and sweaty. Is that normal? I also get weird when I see a lot of couples, I don't even know why. I finally understood today that the HOCD is trying to make me think I'm a lesbian, which is why today it hasn't been as bad, but I have this horrible pain in my chest, which is probably anxiety. I really don't want any of this to lead to depression. I'm scared of not being able to enjoy my teenage years.