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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Community
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Help Me Please

I realized that I have had OCD for awhile, but I just recently came to terms that I do. It started out with checking all the time, the locks on my doors, my car windows, everything. That went on for about 3 years, then it changed. I did some of my own research online, and it stated that OCD can change from one form to another. It changed to Harm OCD, obviously it was triggered, and it was so mentally exhausting. I did hours of research and found out that everything that I was going through was Harm OCD. I was afraid of hurting someone, or anyone. I got put on medication (Sertraline 50 mg or better known as Zoloft). I soon was able to work through it within a couple weeks. Combining the medication with a session with a therapist I was able to regain my happiness. I had a buddy who helped me through what I was going through. He was someone that I could talk to the whole time. Everyone had always thought he was gay, and I gave him the benefit of the doubt, me and him had talked about if he was, he told me that he did not know. He said the sexual side of things did not matter to him, he just wanted to be with someone and be happy. It was soon easy to figure out that he liked me, and I always wanted to be friends with him and he turned into being my bestfriend. This may sound weird, but when I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me, all I wanted to do was figure out why I was feeling this way so I made the assumption that I was gay. I'm thinking he just wanted me to be gay because he had a thing for me. Let me also make it clear that me and him have never done anything ever, never a gay thing happened. I just recently started talking to a girl, and me and her have gotten extremely close and she's beautiful, smart, funny, and everything I look for in someone. My buddy saw this and sparked a huge fight, and we haven't really talked for a week or so, and i'm feeling a large amount of anxiety. I have a strong feeling my OCD is kicking in. I sit her and think, is this anxiety because I have a thing for him? Am I gay? I care a lot about the girl I'm with right now, but why do I still get this anxiety? I feel like i'm ruining everything between me and her. I just don't want to hurt her, and I just want to be happy and make her happy. I bought her flowers, write her cute love notes and leave them at work, anything to make her smile. But, my mind wont let me stop thinking am I wasting her time? Are these feelings because you are actually gay. Also, let me just reemphasize that this guy is in his 40's and I'm almost 20 but he does not act that old. Also, the dude was my bestfriend too, I guess ive never had a friend like him. Can anyone help me?
1 Responses
1699033 tn?1514113133
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi Daniel.....Ideally you should go back to your therapist and talk to him/her about this.  I can't tell you if you are gay or not.  Many straight people have gay friends, even best friends, but that doesn't mean they are gay themselves.  Personally I feel that it is genetic.  So I want to ask you this because attraction is not something one has to think about you know.  If I see a good looking man that I'm attracted to, my body tells me by the way I think, etc.  But when I see a really pretty woman, I think wow she is pretty and I would love to look as good as her.  There is no attraction at all just a bit of envy LOL!  So ask yourself if you have to think about it with a guy or does it come naturally and the same for this girl.  Was it without thought that you were attracted to her?  If so, then I don't think you are gay.  And maybe your friend was hoping but if you are not gay then you are not.  I'm sure if you tell him he will come back around and be your friend.  
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