Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Community
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Hello, I have been posting in the anxiety forum and have came across this forum Witch seems to fit me better. I have had anxiety/ ocd for about two years now and have gone through CBT for different anxietys than today but basically I have nowhere to go or to talk and I'm feeling the most hopeless I have ever felt in my life.

I can't seem to stop obsessing about a night where I was very drunk, it's been three months now and it's getting harder daily. I am only a 16 year old girl from Ireland, over here we do exams and it's a big deal getting our results and stuff so I went to a disco (for everyone my age who did there exams) and everyone was drinking but I had just too much, on the night I was fingered by two guys (different times obv) which I remember who and when, I got home everything was fine I was quite disappointed I ,
Let the boys finger me.

But what triggered it all was when I got home I got a text from a friend who asked if I was okay and that people seen me getting fingered and that my underwear were quite low( witch ended up she over exaggerated) but that's when it all started I said to myself if I can't remember some conversations and and that people were looking could I have done something much worse like have sex? Only for that text is what made me think of the worst, the night was a slight blur but because of my OCD I had to write everywhere I was every hour from pictures,memories  and texts I could gather what I was doing nearly every hour witch was defiantly not sex.

If I was to have sex in that disco it would have had to be standing up and at the bar.. Also I was wearing a leotard with knickers and only one button at the bottom of the leotard was undone from going to the toilet, i am fixated at the thought of 'what if I had sex and I can't remember and nobody seen me' i am a Virgin Iswel so I think I would have defiantly remebered but the internet tells me different which worries me,

i didn't have a blackout I remember most things but at this stage I'm just making scenarios up in my mind very single day and my anxietys are causing me serious physical symptoms. Firstly I had ocd about HErpes Because few days later I had little scrapes on my perineum from the fingering which then kept recurring nearly every week but I think that was because of a yeast infection,  I then moved on to genital warts, now my concern is Hiv which is really really  bad.

I have so many symptoms of hiv like a tension headache that I have had for 7 days which began shortly after I moved on to hiv OCD I also think I've had recurring thrush since then because my discharge can smell quite yeasty at times and some times I develop an itch, and my main symptom is my neck and ears I feel like there pressure on the sides of my neck and great pressure  in my ears the pressure in my neck feels like a swollen lymph node but I can never find a lump of any temderness. At this stage I am fixated on HIV and that night, I am only 16 so I've kept this in for 3 months I am so hopeless and really don't know where I will be at in a few months..
7 Responses
9784446 tn?1421337046
it looks like ocd , as you can see you have dealt with ocd for last 3 months by yourself but the problem is increasing day by day, i think its the time to consult a psychiatrist ,  treatment of ocd is combination of therapy and medicine , you can also take help from the book"Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts: How to Gain Control of Your OCD" by christine purdon.
Avatar universal
Thank you for the reply and sorry for the post being so long.. I am only 16, when people tell me to just go get tested its not that simple 1: I'm terrified for the results 2: how do I tell my mom what I want to be tested for? Do you think my brain could of comepletly blanked any faded memories? The night is a little bit of a blur but I wouldn't say to that extent..
Avatar universal
I deffirwntky have recurring yeast infections, but I heard that is a late stage of hiv and if I did contract it, it is only 3 months ?? And I feel I have swollen lymph nodes that are hard movable but comepletly painless, I am shaking and crying with fear every night and can't even look into  my parents eyes I am so hopeless I don't know what to do
9784446 tn?1421337046
you don't have hiv, its ocd which is hitting you hard, you need to tell your parents that you have a fear of getting hiv, you need to consult a psychiatrist otherwise it will affect your life very much.
Avatar universal
So is recurring yeast infections not an early sign? It's just so odd because I only started to get them 2 weeks after this night ..
1699033 tn?1514113133
Your mind is playing tricks on you.  Are you taking any antibiotics, douching, anything like that that would mess with the pH or normal flora of your vagina?  These could cause yeast infections.  

Do you know HIV is contracted?  Here is a little bit of information for you regarding HIV.  If you were to take a needle with HIV tainted blood in it and stick yourself with it, you would have less than 1% chance of becoming HIV positive.  In order to get HIV from sex, you would have to have sex with an HIV positive person and that virus would have to get deep into the tissue to cause infection.  

You worried about Herpes before.  You have OCD but if you are worried about telling your parents your fears, then tell them you have generalized anxiety and that you would like to see a doctor to get some help.  A psychologist is best but if you have to start with your general practitioner, then do that.  It does not go away on its own.  You will continue to think up more scenarios to drive yourself mad with.  
My main problem is that I have pressure the side of my neck with swollen lymph nodes that are non tender and mobile, they are exactly the symptoms of a chronic infection such as hiv, I am terrified is this really happening there is no other reason they would swell I'm so so scared
1699033 tn?1514113133
Excessive anxiety can cause you to have "symptoms" of the diseases you think you have.  Or make you think you have symptoms.  If you are continuously palpating your lymph nodes they are going to get enlarged.  You need to see your doctor and I'm sure he/she will refer you to a therapist.  
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