Aa
Hocd or denial?
Hi.
Okay so having gay thoughts is totally scaring me. I use to have them like a month ago but they stopped, and now are back again when I have nothing to worry about. Only this time I'm not fighting them away with much force I did before. There really exhausting and I feel like crying(cried in somecases) thinking that I am a lesbian. I remember all these thoughts starting when I felt like I'm never going to find the right guy for myself or I'm never gonna to find a guy at all. I admit I have high expectations and there are a certain type of guys I dont like at all, due to past happenings( was sexually harassed by uncle). Now every thought that occupies my mind is a lesbian thought and I don't like it. When ever I look at a female, I always get thoughts like"would I turn lesbian now? Is she pretty? You should be a lesbian." and so on. I sometimes even believe that I am a lesbian and I absolutely hate it. I feel like no matter what i would do, therapy or even medication, nothing will make these thoughts go away. I do get a relief from these thoughts but there like 5 minutes or less. When I'm talking about boys to my friends, I get thoughts like" why am I talking about guys? I'm gonna end up a lesbian" and this really scares me. I don't want to be one. And with people being gay a new norm, I'm even more scared. I feel like if that's happening I should go ahead and say I'm gay. Like WTF? No! If I knew that being gay was the new norm before all these thoughts happened I would have been happy for all the gay people and totally supported them. And now I'm scared of being near them or anyone in general. One of the new thoughts that scared me was that I imagine my future with a guy I'm happywoth and I love it but then my brain changes it to a woman and shows ms more happy with her. I don't want that. I sometimes even begin givin in to be a lesbian and then I take it back immediately. I'm right so confuses on what I am. And in all honesty I do not want to be gay. But I am scared that I will turn out to be gay. I'm scared of that and I do not want that. Please help. I'm 17 if that helps.
Okay so having gay thoughts is totally scaring me. I use to have them like a month ago but they stopped, and now are back again when I have nothing to worry about. Only this time I'm not fighting them away with much force I did before. There really exhausting and I feel like crying(cried in somecases) thinking that I am a lesbian. I remember all these thoughts starting when I felt like I'm never going to find the right guy for myself or I'm never gonna to find a guy at all. I admit I have high expectations and there are a certain type of guys I dont like at all, due to past happenings( was sexually harassed by uncle). Now every thought that occupies my mind is a lesbian thought and I don't like it. When ever I look at a female, I always get thoughts like"would I turn lesbian now? Is she pretty? You should be a lesbian." and so on. I sometimes even believe that I am a lesbian and I absolutely hate it. I feel like no matter what i would do, therapy or even medication, nothing will make these thoughts go away. I do get a relief from these thoughts but there like 5 minutes or less. When I'm talking about boys to my friends, I get thoughts like" why am I talking about guys? I'm gonna end up a lesbian" and this really scares me. I don't want to be one. And with people being gay a new norm, I'm even more scared. I feel like if that's happening I should go ahead and say I'm gay. Like WTF? No! If I knew that being gay was the new norm before all these thoughts happened I would have been happy for all the gay people and totally supported them. And now I'm scared of being near them or anyone in general. One of the new thoughts that scared me was that I imagine my future with a guy I'm happywoth and I love it but then my brain changes it to a woman and shows ms more happy with her. I don't want that. I sometimes even begin givin in to be a lesbian and then I take it back immediately. I'm right so confuses on what I am. And in all honesty I do not want to be gay. But I am scared that I will turn out to be gay. I'm scared of that and I do not want that. Please help. I'm 17 if that helps.
I agree with you completely. You may disagree with me but I happen to think that who we are attracted to is due to our genetic makeup. That is also why I think there is a sense of who you are attracted to pretty early on in life. This is also why I think that people who are gay, bi, straight just know. Now I'm straight so it is kind of hard for me to relate to being gay or bi simply because I'm not programmed that way. But at the same time, thinking it is all genetic, I am not offended by seeing gay people together. If I see two women holding hands or two guys, why should I care? I'm sorry that the world dosen't hold the same view as I do. There is someone in my extended family who I'm pretty sure is gay but he hasn't "come out" as of yet. I really feel for him because for some reason he doesn't feel like we will be able to love him the same way and he is soooo wrong. We will love him no matter what. But of course I can't just walk up to him and say just get it out so you can move on and be yourself.
HOCD people have just that...OCD. Now as I've always says I"m not a professional and so you really do need to go to a professional for a formal diagnosis and a treatment plan. Kately, you went to a GP and didn't even tell him/her what is bothering you. That is not going to get you anywhere. You need to see the right person, a psychologist, and you need to tell them the thoughts that are going through your head. Trust me, you cannot say anything to a psychologist that they have not heard already. There is no shocking them.
HOCD people have just that...OCD. Now as I've always says I"m not a professional and so you really do need to go to a professional for a formal diagnosis and a treatment plan. Kately, you went to a GP and didn't even tell him/her what is bothering you. That is not going to get you anywhere. You need to see the right person, a psychologist, and you need to tell them the thoughts that are going through your head. Trust me, you cannot say anything to a psychologist that they have not heard already. There is no shocking them.
You are too young to be panicing over thoughts in your head. Don't like it freack you out. Do what you think is right. Then when the time comes and you grow up a little more. You will figure it out and accept that no matter who is love is great guy or girl. Being gay is not a diease you are not going to die from your thoughts or actions. If you are so frecked about your feelings. The only way to find out is just kiss a girl you like and think about. If don't feel anything from it you will get your answer. But don't beat yourself up over it. The most important thing is being happy with yourself. Sociality has make being gay a disease against God.
I think killing, abusing, hate, lies and cheating are the real disease against God not love. Have you ever heard the song (IF LOVING YOU IS WRONG I DON'T WANT TO BE RIGHT)
Love is never wrong it is always right. Sharon
I think killing, abusing, hate, lies and cheating are the real disease against God not love. Have you ever heard the song (IF LOVING YOU IS WRONG I DON'T WANT TO BE RIGHT)
Love is never wrong it is always right. Sharon
The only part of me that feels straight is that acceptance I get with the world. I have a hard time not people loving me for being gay. I am a wonderful person. If I tell someone I am straight it is great. They will hug me and always there for me. If I tell them I am gay. Then they back off
wondering why I hugged them? Do I just want to have sex with them. I am not like that and I hate how people think just because your life style is not alway excepted. I hate not be able to kiss my partner in public like straight people do. Without people being sicken by my expression of love. That is the only part I hate being gay. But I hope things in sociality will soon change. I don't think it is going to be my generation. I hoping it will be great for the next. God bless and take care.
wondering why I hugged them? Do I just want to have sex with them. I am not like that and I hate how people think just because your life style is not alway excepted. I hate not be able to kiss my partner in public like straight people do. Without people being sicken by my expression of love. That is the only part I hate being gay. But I hope things in sociality will soon change. I don't think it is going to be my generation. I hoping it will be great for the next. God bless and take care.
Its so crazy that you said that last part about your mind changing the guy to a girl and being more happy!! That happens to me too!! And I just thought it meant I was bi and its killing me. I'm going through the same thing and I'm completely sick I have no problems with homosexuals my best friend is gay but I know I'm not so this is killing me hopefully well both get through this. :( good luck. Feel better.
So sorry Kately...my post was actually to DanceinAutumn and not to you. I should have written the name down. I absolutely DO NOT think you are gay. I was trying to explain to DanceinAutumn the differences.
Can you tell me what you read that made you assume I was gay? In the first post you told me I wasn't. And it's different. I went to my general doctor and she wasn't much help regarding the OCD medication. I didn't tell her what was bothering me though.
The thought of being with a woman freaks me out. I'm in a panic state right now telling myself that I'm not gay. Nor do want to be. I'm telling you this is on and off.
No. I think you read it wrong wrong. How could I be? I never questioned it before. Please I'm not gay!
The bottom line is you knew you were gay but tried very hard to be straight. If I'm reading what you wrote correctly, It wasn't that you were gay and were afraid you may turn straight all of a sudden. A lot of people post on here with HOCD where they are straight but are afraid that all of a sudden they are going to be gay or vice versa where they are gay and are afraid they may wake up and be straight.
Before I came out. I tried so hard to be straight to the point. I keep sleeping with every guy I knew to try to get the feeling of love and excitement. But it never came. I want to church, prayer about it. I got married thinking if I just stay focus the feelings will come. Well, after 30 yrs of trying and never feeling any emotion towards me. Just living out the emotion. Faking everything just to do what sociality expected of me.
After giving in to my uncontrolable will. I gave in and make love with a woman. I felf so real. All my emotions were there. The excitement, my heart beating out of my chest, my hands sweaty. Everything I never felt with a men all the years that I did what I thought was right.
I wasted so many years listening to people who think they know it all because they are straight. There is nothing wrong with loving someone no matter what the rest of the world says. You need to do what you feel good in your heart. Other people are living their lives the way it feels for them. So you should to also. There is just too many gay people that are loving, kind and wonderful for it to be wrong. Just because they are nieve.
Do what your heart tells you. And you will figure it out yourself. Good luck with whatever makes you happy. God bless and take care.
PS" Just because you are gay does not mean you can't believe in God.
After giving in to my uncontrolable will. I gave in and make love with a woman. I felf so real. All my emotions were there. The excitement, my heart beating out of my chest, my hands sweaty. Everything I never felt with a men all the years that I did what I thought was right.
I wasted so many years listening to people who think they know it all because they are straight. There is nothing wrong with loving someone no matter what the rest of the world says. You need to do what you feel good in your heart. Other people are living their lives the way it feels for them. So you should to also. There is just too many gay people that are loving, kind and wonderful for it to be wrong. Just because they are nieve.
Do what your heart tells you. And you will figure it out yourself. Good luck with whatever makes you happy. God bless and take care.
PS" Just because you are gay does not mean you can't believe in God.
My general doctor. But I have called in to get appointed with a new therapist, there's just so much going on in my life that I can't take it anymore. Although I would like to hear your thoughts on it.
My general doctor. But I have called in a today to get appointed with a new therapist, there's just so much going on in my life that I can't take it anymore. Although I would like to hear your thoughts I this too.
Hello. Thank you for both your responses. I tried talking to my doctor about this,when she asked why I neede OCD medications, and well she didn't help much at all.
I have been looking around this forum, and I'm glad to know I'm not alone. But my hocd keeps coming back, and this time with even more scarier thoughts. I'm scared that when all of this is over, I would be a lesbian. Or that I would accept it even if I'm not accepting it now. And honestly I'm scared of that. I don't want that. And now I'm so tired of fighting it too. It's even messing up school for, I can't concentrate in my classes, I snap at my friends and family in anger. And I just want it to stop. Even when I Say no to these thoughts, I get more thoughts counter attacking me detesting this off. I notice my hocd spiking up a lot when im outside. I've been busy with school ( graduating early and had to give up my social life for it). Whenever i see a girl, i get thoughts like do you like, you should turn a lesbian now, etc. and i start saying "no" and "stop" to these thoughts multiple times.the girls i look at are pretty with great bodies that i wish i can have too ( working on it!) but my self esteem isnt that low. Now im scared of talking to girls, being their friends, or even looking at them. I have so much more to write, but I can't get anything straight right now. My mind is messed up with so much stuff going on. And a general question about HOCD or OCD in general, does everyone have a little bit of them inside of it? And is it a form of anxiety?
I have been looking around this forum, and I'm glad to know I'm not alone. But my hocd keeps coming back, and this time with even more scarier thoughts. I'm scared that when all of this is over, I would be a lesbian. Or that I would accept it even if I'm not accepting it now. And honestly I'm scared of that. I don't want that. And now I'm so tired of fighting it too. It's even messing up school for, I can't concentrate in my classes, I snap at my friends and family in anger. And I just want it to stop. Even when I Say no to these thoughts, I get more thoughts counter attacking me detesting this off. I notice my hocd spiking up a lot when im outside. I've been busy with school ( graduating early and had to give up my social life for it). Whenever i see a girl, i get thoughts like do you like, you should turn a lesbian now, etc. and i start saying "no" and "stop" to these thoughts multiple times.the girls i look at are pretty with great bodies that i wish i can have too ( working on it!) but my self esteem isnt that low. Now im scared of talking to girls, being their friends, or even looking at them. I have so much more to write, but I can't get anything straight right now. My mind is messed up with so much stuff going on. And a general question about HOCD or OCD in general, does everyone have a little bit of them inside of it? And is it a form of anxiety?
Hello,
I am Gay, And from a gay persons perspective,
You are NOT gay.
I promise, If you were gay, you would derive pleasure from it, and if you were in denial, you would be hiding it and putting with another dumb excuse like "Oh it's just a phase." Like I did for a long time, and it causes little to no distress like this.
It's okay, You're not gay, you would not be anxious like this if you were, and probably not posting about on this site would you?
I know, denial is a bit like,
"Hey, he's really good looking" (REAL pleasure)
"Wait.... that was really gay... nahhhh, It's just a phase, I'll grow out of it and find a girl that is attractive"
(never finds one)
"Okay... I think I'm gay.
You would not be resisting random thoughts like the ones you have, I am 17, Gay, Male, I know what it is to be gay. Please don't stress hun.
You would have TONS of REAL evidence to support being gay, too. Things would click from the past, you would accept it. I promise.
I would think to see a doctor if it keeps happening.
Thanks,
-J
I am Gay, And from a gay persons perspective,
You are NOT gay.
I promise, If you were gay, you would derive pleasure from it, and if you were in denial, you would be hiding it and putting with another dumb excuse like "Oh it's just a phase." Like I did for a long time, and it causes little to no distress like this.
It's okay, You're not gay, you would not be anxious like this if you were, and probably not posting about on this site would you?
I know, denial is a bit like,
"Hey, he's really good looking" (REAL pleasure)
"Wait.... that was really gay... nahhhh, It's just a phase, I'll grow out of it and find a girl that is attractive"
(never finds one)
"Okay... I think I'm gay.
You would not be resisting random thoughts like the ones you have, I am 17, Gay, Male, I know what it is to be gay. Please don't stress hun.
You would have TONS of REAL evidence to support being gay, too. Things would click from the past, you would accept it. I promise.
I would think to see a doctor if it keeps happening.
Thanks,
-J
Hi there....actually HOCD is pretty common. You have only to look on this forum to see the many posts people have put up regarding HOCD. Also, 17 is a tough age...lots of stress in your life...getting ready to graduate, college, etc and stress tend to put somebody that has a tendency toward obsessive irrational thinking over the edge.
You are not a lesbian. If you were, you would just accept it and that would be it. People that are gay know it and don't fight it because it is what it is. Honestly, I think it is genetic and that we are either born gay or not. I'm sure some people may disagree but that is what I believe. You on the other hand are fighting this thought, it is causing you distress, etc. and therefore I'm sure that it is a form of OCD.
OCD causes us to play the big mind game on ourselves. We come up with really stupid irrational things and run with them with no finish line in sight. You are taking what people do every day, comparing ourselves to others, and blowing it way out of proportion. What you are doing is natural...and yes when you don't want a thought to pop into your head, the more you think about it, the more it pops in. We do it to ourselves which means we can stop it too.
Can you talk to your parents about this so that you can get an appointment with a psychologist? They can teach you ways to combat the thoughts by replacing them with statements of fact and not the fictions that you are making up right now.
For starters do this. When the thought pops into your head imagine a red handle in your mind and imagine you pulling it toward yourself and say STOP in your head. You have to realize that if you don't even go there, the thought will leave you. You are giving it life just by giving into the thinking. You can use other statements as well such as "No, I'm not going there." Or "Been there done that." since you have actually stopped the thought previously and it went away.
And if you do decide to do therapy alone or therapy with medication, it will help you. I promise that you will not be like this for the rest of your life. But now is the time to act before more stress is heaped on you and other thoughts start to come around.
Take care of you and post again if you need anything else.
You are not a lesbian. If you were, you would just accept it and that would be it. People that are gay know it and don't fight it because it is what it is. Honestly, I think it is genetic and that we are either born gay or not. I'm sure some people may disagree but that is what I believe. You on the other hand are fighting this thought, it is causing you distress, etc. and therefore I'm sure that it is a form of OCD.
OCD causes us to play the big mind game on ourselves. We come up with really stupid irrational things and run with them with no finish line in sight. You are taking what people do every day, comparing ourselves to others, and blowing it way out of proportion. What you are doing is natural...and yes when you don't want a thought to pop into your head, the more you think about it, the more it pops in. We do it to ourselves which means we can stop it too.
Can you talk to your parents about this so that you can get an appointment with a psychologist? They can teach you ways to combat the thoughts by replacing them with statements of fact and not the fictions that you are making up right now.
For starters do this. When the thought pops into your head imagine a red handle in your mind and imagine you pulling it toward yourself and say STOP in your head. You have to realize that if you don't even go there, the thought will leave you. You are giving it life just by giving into the thinking. You can use other statements as well such as "No, I'm not going there." Or "Been there done that." since you have actually stopped the thought previously and it went away.
And if you do decide to do therapy alone or therapy with medication, it will help you. I promise that you will not be like this for the rest of your life. But now is the time to act before more stress is heaped on you and other thoughts start to come around.
Take care of you and post again if you need anything else.
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