Aa
I Can't Function Anymore.
I don't know where to start. Since I'm a biology major, I've always been conscious of STDs and STIs - and I refused to kiss anyone with a cold sore. I ended up meeting a guy that was like me, who wouldn't kiss anyone that had cold sores in the past. Every time we'd be intimate, he'd wash his genitals with alcohol and hand sanitizer. If I ever kissed his eyes, he'd wash them out with Listerine (to prevent ocular herpes).
At one point, I decided to get tested for HSV1 (which causes cold sores) and found out I was a low positive - could always be a false positive.. Since then, I've been a wreck. Not only did I sabotage our relationship (to protect my significant other) but now I can't function anymore. I've never had one sore nor symptom.
I can't touch anything, doorknobs, keyboards without washing my hands furiously afterwards. I can't touch my eyes, I can't touch myself. All I think about is herpes and how I'm a disgusting monster for having it. I cry everyday and have seriously considered just ending it because my life is ruined. I would never date anyone with cold sores, but I'm just as bad. Yet at the same time, I could never be with anyone negative lest I give my disease to them. I can't kiss anyone, not even on the cheek. I can't share glasses, I can't share food. My mother (who used to get cold sores) used her fork to take some of my dinner once and I wouldn't stop screaming at her because she contaminated my food. All of my family is sick of me because I can't talk about anything other than herpes. My friends won't even talk to me. I'm terrified that the HSV-1 I have could even be genital herpes. So since I saw my results a few months ago, my lips won't stop tingling. I use abreva 5X a day. I obsessively check my face and genital constantly for sores or bumps that could be herpes. I can't stop reading about it. When I got my blood results, I swallowed more than 15 lysine pills because they're supposed to help with out breaks, but when I realized each one was 2000mg - I threw up until I was seeing globs of blood. I can't be happy anymore. When I do have my fleeting moments of happiness, I remember that I'm a diseased sesspool of herpes and I become sad again.
Which is why I'm here. My friend with a psychology BS said that I've gotten to the point where I need to see a mental health professional because this is beyond normal. She said that the guy I was dating triggered me into these behaviors, and I need some serious help.
So help?
At one point, I decided to get tested for HSV1 (which causes cold sores) and found out I was a low positive - could always be a false positive.. Since then, I've been a wreck. Not only did I sabotage our relationship (to protect my significant other) but now I can't function anymore. I've never had one sore nor symptom.
I can't touch anything, doorknobs, keyboards without washing my hands furiously afterwards. I can't touch my eyes, I can't touch myself. All I think about is herpes and how I'm a disgusting monster for having it. I cry everyday and have seriously considered just ending it because my life is ruined. I would never date anyone with cold sores, but I'm just as bad. Yet at the same time, I could never be with anyone negative lest I give my disease to them. I can't kiss anyone, not even on the cheek. I can't share glasses, I can't share food. My mother (who used to get cold sores) used her fork to take some of my dinner once and I wouldn't stop screaming at her because she contaminated my food. All of my family is sick of me because I can't talk about anything other than herpes. My friends won't even talk to me. I'm terrified that the HSV-1 I have could even be genital herpes. So since I saw my results a few months ago, my lips won't stop tingling. I use abreva 5X a day. I obsessively check my face and genital constantly for sores or bumps that could be herpes. I can't stop reading about it. When I got my blood results, I swallowed more than 15 lysine pills because they're supposed to help with out breaks, but when I realized each one was 2000mg - I threw up until I was seeing globs of blood. I can't be happy anymore. When I do have my fleeting moments of happiness, I remember that I'm a diseased sesspool of herpes and I become sad again.
Which is why I'm here. My friend with a psychology BS said that I've gotten to the point where I need to see a mental health professional because this is beyond normal. She said that the guy I was dating triggered me into these behaviors, and I need some serious help.
So help?
Hi Gina,
I know that probably nothing anyone says will make you feel much better, but I just wanted to say the amount of people who actually have HSV1 is astronomical. I have it, my husband has it, my parents and his parents have it. I think everyone I know has had a cold sore at some stage, and due to the fact that I have recently gone through a similar obsession with HSV2 I know that you do not shed the virus unless you have an active cold sore or are just about to get one. So kissing, sharing utensils etc is not spreading the virus to everyone unless you have an actually coldsores.
Anyway as I said I was obsessed with HSV2 for nearly 2 months, I've since gotten over it but it was a very depressing and lonely time for me and you are in my thoughts, I hope you feel better soon, and I think you would benefit from chatting to a psychologist or psychiatrist :)
Xx
I know that probably nothing anyone says will make you feel much better, but I just wanted to say the amount of people who actually have HSV1 is astronomical. I have it, my husband has it, my parents and his parents have it. I think everyone I know has had a cold sore at some stage, and due to the fact that I have recently gone through a similar obsession with HSV2 I know that you do not shed the virus unless you have an active cold sore or are just about to get one. So kissing, sharing utensils etc is not spreading the virus to everyone unless you have an actually coldsores.
Anyway as I said I was obsessed with HSV2 for nearly 2 months, I've since gotten over it but it was a very depressing and lonely time for me and you are in my thoughts, I hope you feel better soon, and I think you would benefit from chatting to a psychologist or psychiatrist :)
Xx
I hope you've sought some help. This can and WILL get better, if you get some help, but to keep allowing yourself to spin in circles sure isn't helping you at all.
Did you read any of the helpful replies here? From people who have lived it? It's hard to tell, because after people put their thoughtful replies together, you don't acknowledge them, just come back with the same desperate comments.
You have to help yourself. You sound like a very intelligent person, you don't have to continue suffering. Go get yourself some help.
Did you read any of the helpful replies here? From people who have lived it? It's hard to tell, because after people put their thoughtful replies together, you don't acknowledge them, just come back with the same desperate comments.
You have to help yourself. You sound like a very intelligent person, you don't have to continue suffering. Go get yourself some help.
From my own ordeal with this,I ve found out after the first flare up of it,it usually just dies down to annoying back ground music in your head
You are obviously in crisis and at this point a trip to the ER may be in order. If you can make it to the morning, then call your general practitioner and make sure you can get in there tomorrow. We have all been where you are and yes it stinks but you do need to take some action.
You definitely 100% need therapy and help for this. This is not up for debate or questioning at this point. Your thoughts are way way out of control on this subject.
The first thing I am going to comment on is, washing his genitals with alcohol AND hand sanitizer? Hand sanitizer is essentially 60-80% alcohol so using both of these is needless and repetitive. Again not to mention needless. And I am in utter disbelief that someone would put Listerine in one's eyes! I am not going out on a limb here when I suggest that he also get help and himself into therapy because this behavior is not healthy.
You need to take a deep cleansing breath. I myself suffer from OCD and I do have a fear of contamination, I am no Dr, but I think it is safe to say that you are suffering from the same.
I apologize if this seems harsh, but you really need to stop being so dramatic over this issue. Your life is nowhere near over. Stop and think about this. There is a reason that your friends and family are no longer willing to listen to you talk about this time and time again and that is because it is irrational. And that is OCD. You should take the time to address this issue as this is the real root of your problem. You are obsessing over herpes to the point of depression and going as far as to say your life is ruined because of a positive test? Really stop and think about what you are saying here. This is not rational. You are way past all thoughts of logic and you must take the steps to help with your OCD.
You have come to the right place. We are here to help you. We are not Dr's but we are all in the same boat. We all suffer from irrational fears and doubts that cause distress in our daily lives. We are here to help with the OCD. And that is what you need to focus on right now.
The first thing I am going to comment on is, washing his genitals with alcohol AND hand sanitizer? Hand sanitizer is essentially 60-80% alcohol so using both of these is needless and repetitive. Again not to mention needless. And I am in utter disbelief that someone would put Listerine in one's eyes! I am not going out on a limb here when I suggest that he also get help and himself into therapy because this behavior is not healthy.
You need to take a deep cleansing breath. I myself suffer from OCD and I do have a fear of contamination, I am no Dr, but I think it is safe to say that you are suffering from the same.
I apologize if this seems harsh, but you really need to stop being so dramatic over this issue. Your life is nowhere near over. Stop and think about this. There is a reason that your friends and family are no longer willing to listen to you talk about this time and time again and that is because it is irrational. And that is OCD. You should take the time to address this issue as this is the real root of your problem. You are obsessing over herpes to the point of depression and going as far as to say your life is ruined because of a positive test? Really stop and think about what you are saying here. This is not rational. You are way past all thoughts of logic and you must take the steps to help with your OCD.
You have come to the right place. We are here to help you. We are not Dr's but we are all in the same boat. We all suffer from irrational fears and doubts that cause distress in our daily lives. We are here to help with the OCD. And that is what you need to focus on right now.
And the relationship is over, he doesn't know I have HSV1+, but if he did - he'd go running from me. He even admitted to OCD himself regarding HSV when he was my age and ended up being medicated.
Honestly, you won't want to hear this, but the two of you probably aren't a good match, you are just going to feed off each other's fears. Unless you BOTH get help, I can't see it working...for the reasons of the mental illness, not the herpes.
Honestly, you won't want to hear this, but the two of you probably aren't a good match, you are just going to feed off each other's fears. Unless you BOTH get help, I can't see it working...for the reasons of the mental illness, not the herpes.
Ok i know where you are at right now,its not fun,get help ASAP! I know this is going to fuel your OCD but this what helped me,pure logic! I beat my ocd fears with pure logic.Go on the herpes forums and post a question,and I bet they ll tell you the same thing I ve told you.
You need to get help. Your feelings of devastation are so disproportionate to the reality. Almost the entire population would test + for HSV1. You are WAY blowing this out of proportion. You will go thru your life and likely never have an outbreak, let alone a genital one...and usually, the two are different.
PLUS, blood tests are generalized. It's when people have actual LESIONS tested that there are more confirmatory results. All your results mean, at some point in YOUR WHOLE LIFE, you were exposed to the virus (as were the rest of us). Honestly? SOOOO not a big deal, but your brain (and likely OCD or an anxiety disorder) is making it the end of the world for you.
Get yourself some help, you don't have to live like this.
PLUS, blood tests are generalized. It's when people have actual LESIONS tested that there are more confirmatory results. All your results mean, at some point in YOUR WHOLE LIFE, you were exposed to the virus (as were the rest of us). Honestly? SOOOO not a big deal, but your brain (and likely OCD or an anxiety disorder) is making it the end of the world for you.
Get yourself some help, you don't have to live like this.
School starts in August, so I should really go. It's gotten really difficult to get through the day. I mostly just cry in the bathroom alone because I feel so diseased. My family won't hear it anymore. And the relationship is over, he doesn't know I have HSV1+, but if he did - he'd go running from me. He even admitted to OCD himself regarding HSV when he was my age and ended up being medicated. It hurts so much that I am a monster and can't be with the love of my life because of it. How many people are going to be disgusted with me in the future? I can't ever kiss anyone without thinking about. I think about it 24/7. All I can is imagine little hsv particles falling off of me all the time. They're everywhere.
I wish I could just crawl into a cave and die, or never have gotten tested for it in the first place. The CDC advised against it because of psychological damage from results, but I scoffed and did it anyway, now I've lost it. I'm falling apart completely.
I wish I could just crawl into a cave and die, or never have gotten tested for it in the first place. The CDC advised against it because of psychological damage from results, but I scoffed and did it anyway, now I've lost it. I'm falling apart completely.
Your psychology friend is right. You need to get into counseling like yesterday because you are so off the hook right now with these thoughts. It sounds like you are in college, if you cannot afford a psychologist, then please plan to visit one of your college counselors.
Listen to Michael, he is giving you good information. It sounds as if you know EVERYTHING there is to know about HSV-1 so stop Googling it and make an appointment with a psychologist or counselor. Googling stuff over an over again when in OCD crisis mode is NEVER a good thing.
And your life is far from over and you have not ruined anybody else's life. If you really like this guy and he likes you and you are driving him completely nuts (because that is what we do when we have out of control OCD) then make the counseling appointment. It is the least you can do for yourself and it just might save your relationship. Actually, now that I say this your boyfriend needs to be in counseling too. His actions that you described are not normal by any means either. So make him go as well.
Listen to Michael, he is giving you good information. It sounds as if you know EVERYTHING there is to know about HSV-1 so stop Googling it and make an appointment with a psychologist or counselor. Googling stuff over an over again when in OCD crisis mode is NEVER a good thing.
And your life is far from over and you have not ruined anybody else's life. If you really like this guy and he likes you and you are driving him completely nuts (because that is what we do when we have out of control OCD) then make the counseling appointment. It is the least you can do for yourself and it just might save your relationship. Actually, now that I say this your boyfriend needs to be in counseling too. His actions that you described are not normal by any means either. So make him go as well.
Thats not true. I found people on reddit that have outbreaks for GHSV years later. Even if 80% have it, I am still a monster - the disease is in my blood. I'm even more of a monster especially since I put the man I love at risk - he tested negative last week, but god forbid he becomes positive later on because of me. How awful of a person could I be? And its too late, it's already out of control.
no your not ruined,and thats for hsv1 on the lip,on the genital symptoms appear 2 to 30 days after infection on the genitals. trust me you can not miss it,you ll know it. Re read that part about around 80 percent has it on the mouth. Its not even considered an std. My OCD kicked in at 23,one wrd of advice nip this in the bud as soon as possible,if you do not it will spin out of control.
He's negative. And 90% of people don't show symptoms for HSV1+.
For the past three months, I've been obsessively reading about HSV. I know every number, every case study, every exception, every statistic, every fact.
To think I used to be a happy and free person. I'm ruined.
For the past three months, I've been obsessively reading about HSV. I know every number, every case study, every exception, every statistic, every fact.
To think I used to be a happy and free person. I'm ruined.
Ok i went through a herpes thing as well.IF you had HSV1 on your genitals ,you would have VERY OBVIOUS signs,you can not miss them. I am sure you got hsv on while you were a child thats how a majority of folks get it. I went through the same thing,wanting to protect the ones closest to me from my mistakes on my part,but it did nothing but cause problems. The only real way you can give HSV1 to you bf is if you have a present outbreak on the lip aka cold sore, get him tested and i bet he already has hsv1 as well,its that common to have.
Also the repetitive thoughts on this subject is a sign of OCD bc thats what I went through when I first had my first flare up of this
Also the repetitive thoughts on this subject is a sign of OCD bc thats what I went through when I first had my first flare up of this
I cannot believe I used to kiss people without getting them tested for HSV1+. But a jump from 1.47H to 16.06H within two days isn't normal. I don't understand it.
I got retested two days later with another lab and it showed up as positive. The reading was 16.06H. I need to get a western blot done to confirm it,but its too expensive.
No one understands though. My *ex* significant other is negative. If I kiss him, if I have sex him, if I ever give him oral, he could get infected. I don't even know if I have oral HSV1+ or genital HSV1+, just that is in my blood. He doesn't understand why I'm doing this to him, but I'm protecting him from the disgusting thing I am. All I can think of is how quickly he would run away from me if he found out.
My life is already ruined. To think, not even five months ago, I was sharing cups, cigs, utensils, anything with people who were HSV1+. How could I be so stupid? God forbid I ever think about my past, because the thought of it makes my bones cringe.
I have to go through everyday wondering where I'm going to outbreak. It could be today, it could be tomorrow, it could be five years from now, hell, ten years from now. Everyday, I live in fear that it could be genital. Everyday I wonder if I wake up and its the day that I'm going to have disgusting blisters all over myself. What if I transmitted it to my eyes? What if it's on my fingers? What if I'm shedding herpes all over my keyboard right now as I'm typing? The HSV1 is there, waiting, waiting inside of me, waiting to come out. And it never, ever, go away. It's lurking there.
I can't watch tv, because everytime someone kisses - all I think about is hsv - because that's how you get it. Do they know they have hsv at that minute? When couples go into have their cute little kisses, I cringe, because one of them could be spreading hsv. I loved romantic comedies, now they're a nightmare because of the herpes. You don't understand, it's all I ever think about. It's the only thing I think about. I even have nightmares about hsv, which are awful. I accidentally slept with an african american, and for the duration of my dream, I washed my vagina out with arsenic because I was certain he'd given me hsv2. It's making me sick.
No one understands though. My *ex* significant other is negative. If I kiss him, if I have sex him, if I ever give him oral, he could get infected. I don't even know if I have oral HSV1+ or genital HSV1+, just that is in my blood. He doesn't understand why I'm doing this to him, but I'm protecting him from the disgusting thing I am. All I can think of is how quickly he would run away from me if he found out.
My life is already ruined. To think, not even five months ago, I was sharing cups, cigs, utensils, anything with people who were HSV1+. How could I be so stupid? God forbid I ever think about my past, because the thought of it makes my bones cringe.
I have to go through everyday wondering where I'm going to outbreak. It could be today, it could be tomorrow, it could be five years from now, hell, ten years from now. Everyday, I live in fear that it could be genital. Everyday I wonder if I wake up and its the day that I'm going to have disgusting blisters all over myself. What if I transmitted it to my eyes? What if it's on my fingers? What if I'm shedding herpes all over my keyboard right now as I'm typing? The HSV1 is there, waiting, waiting inside of me, waiting to come out. And it never, ever, go away. It's lurking there.
I can't watch tv, because everytime someone kisses - all I think about is hsv - because that's how you get it. Do they know they have hsv at that minute? When couples go into have their cute little kisses, I cringe, because one of them could be spreading hsv. I loved romantic comedies, now they're a nightmare because of the herpes. You don't understand, it's all I ever think about. It's the only thing I think about. I even have nightmares about hsv, which are awful. I accidentally slept with an african american, and for the duration of my dream, I washed my vagina out with arsenic because I was certain he'd given me hsv2. It's making me sick.
Hey,I want to tell you that I think you are suffering from OCD and anxiety. I low pos for HSV1 is usually a false pos. The amount of caution you are showing to protect ppl for this"std" is what I went through with my OCD come on.I had no idea i had OCD until an event of drinking and waking up with someone triggered that OCD. Your family does not understand OCD and the fear that it can cuase,trust me a lot of ppl do not. HSV1 if you actually have it is not even considered an std,its so common around 80% of the population has it. The sooner you get counseling the better ,trust me i do not want to see you waste a few months of your life over an OCD fear,it happened to me,I do not want that to happen to you
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Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
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