First off, I am so sorry you are suffering with this worry and anxiety. HOCD is an especially stressful and scary form of OCD...and also very common. I have been in your exact shoes, I was so terrified that I was a lesbian I had myself convinced I was. Although I knew deep down (as with most, if not all obsessive thoughts) that this was not reality and that it was simply my OCD getting a hold of me.
I think HOCD is stressful because it causes us to question ourselves on such an intimate level. I sometimes imagine my obsessive thoughts as whiny little brats trying to get under my skin, you just have to remember they are simply thoughts passing through your mind, they are not YOU. Every person at one point has had a thought “I wonder what my sexuality is? OR That person is attractive.” The difference is that most people don’t give these thoughts a moment’s time and eventually forget about them, treating them for what they are: just a random thought.
With OCD we grab onto these thoughts and give them far more credit than they deserve..in the end they are just silly whiny thoughts. Sometimes I even imagine my inner worry dialogue as a whiny childish voice, which helps me remember what value these thoughts truly have.
I could tell you that I know you are not gay, but I know that you already know this too.
When these thoughts come into your mind, pity them, treat them for the silly thoughts they are. Replace them with a nice walk or run, your favorite tv show, or sex with your wonderful husband!
As with other obsessive fears, this will pass. It will. Best of luck. Know that you are not alone!
Its just hard because sometimes I question my sexuality and it doesn’t help when I go to work or go to my psychologist because it’s like I second guess myself and almost feeling like I need to tell people the real truth and sometimes I have an urge to be with a girl but I know that’s not what I want but it’s like uuugggghhh!!! I don’t even know anymore
You’re right! I know who I am and that’s a heterosexual. I’ve learned from reading all these stories from different people and the comments that you’re orientation is never going to change. I know my orientation is going to stay where its at!
Hey krconnor19 if you here I sent you a message yesterday and I was hoping you got it?