I will also say that I have question if anything I have done is gay and I have wondered if my voice is gay and all of these other things. I’ve wondered if I get excited by gay guys. I’ve wondered other things too like was i homophobic and oppressed thoughts or was signs of affection in public by gay people really just something I looked away from. I’ve thought about my manuerisms, clothes, and voice. I want to be straight and genuinely love my girlfriend but I was looking for insight from other people. With my friends I did what teenagers do and talked about other girls and how they are attractive. Like this one girl since second grade and I don’t ever recall doing that with a guy. I just get stressed and I like being sure. I want to know what other people have to say. Please be honest and I want to be straight but if you think I’m just in denial please let me know.
For one thing, my voice on here is there is no such thing as HOCD, it's a label designed by pharmaceutical companies to sell drugs. But others disagree, which is good. Everything you say shouts hetero, but if you were gay or bisexual, so what? That's the question you have to ask yourself, why does it bother you? And that's an anxiety problem based on a current bias against gay people (this wasn't always so -- most older civilizations were bisexual). Actions speak louder than words, and all your actions are hetero. But you do seem to have a problem, as you state, with self esteem and obsessive worrying, so that might be a problem you could work on in therapy if it's getting in the way of your life. These kinds of thoughts are incredibly common and normal, if that eases your mind. Many of us go through a period of time when we're young wondering especially when relationships aren't working out. And remember, you're in high school. Any relationship you're in now is unlikely to be the one you're going to be in for life. Could happen. Probably won't. Time will show you that. Lot of pain and stress and insecurity in sexual relationships, and there's no avoiding that unless you avoid those kinds of relationships, which is boring. So you're perfectly normal, going through something many go through, but you want to take a good look at how often you do this kind of worrying to yourself. Peace.