It stresses me out so much that I have been brought to tears over this subject
I'm also scared that if I see a therapist all they will do is tell me that I'm a lesbian
I also have a gay friend that said he didn't want to be gay before he came out so that makes me think I'm experiencing the same thing he did
Hi there Well, one thing is for certain--- that mom who called you a lesbian is insensitive. You are a young woman discovering who you are and don't need a rude older woman interfering!
I know it is easier said than done, but would try not to worry about this so much. Most that are homosexual KNOW and don't question once they are truly getting into relationships. They don't need a quiz to help them figure it out. And it is normal to be heterosexual but to still find the same sex attractive.
I would stay focused on school, your friends and am sure that your life ahead sexually and relationship speaking will reveal itself to you fully.
And definitely, talk to your parents about your anxiety and OCD. They do not need to know the specifics---- but perhaps can have you see a counselor/doctor. good luck hon
Is it normal to have the thoughts I'm having and still be straight because I do like boys and dream about getting married
Reading what you've written there doesn't seem to be anything about attraction to the same sex.
It seems to me that because your default position has always been to be attracted to men and one day wanting to be married, that the fear of being gay comes about because that presents a threat to how you identify as being.
It also means you attach incredibly unnecessary meaning to things, talking about marrying your friend as a child is in reality nothing more than the innocence of being a child, but because your mind is racing away and you are in a panic state it turns from something quite sweet, innocent and meaningless to a threat to your heterosexuality.
I don't know you so I can't determine what your sexuality is, but if I were to guess I think it's more than likely that you are what you have always assumed yourself to be and that is straight.
The anxiety is caused because you don't have 100% confidence over this and it's the uncertainty that's making you feel this way, at the risk of being presumptuous you come across as someone who can't convince themselves they are straight rather than someone who genuinely thinks they might be gay.
Sexuality is of course fluid, there aren't three settings on the dial.
This isn't going to sound reassuring and it's not meant to, but uncertainty is something you have to live with and its a horrible thing when you are of an anxious mindset, the mind has great power over us and can cause us to doubt everything we take for granted about ourselves.
Don't try and convince yourself one way or the other, your biological responses will tell you the truth and not an overactive mind.
Thank you for your kind words, they were very reassuring. I had a major crush on a boy in my school for the majority of this year, and I truly believe that what I felt for him was love. I was completely emotionally and sexually attracted to this boy. I have been known to take things way out of context and over think things to a very extreme level which comes with my anxiety. I think that not having a boyfriend has affected my thinking. I am only 16 years old and have always been behind because I was thrown into school at age 3 and didn't have time to completely develop physiologically. This message was very reassuring.
I watched that you have written more than once to here. I know you want some reassurance for that you are not lesbian. I have written also here because of HOCD. Think that HOCD is a rollercoaster. Im sure that you have some better days there. You write here because you felt anxious, uncomftortable or some thought which made you feel uncomftortable. When this happen you are top of the rollercoaster you would like to go down as quickly as possible. So you write here for reassurance to get down in rollercoaster and feel coftortable again. Im at your age and I know deep down that im straight like you but our mind is telling that we are not straight. When you feel uncomftortable or anxious dont watch like "what is this" or "is this HOCD" from the internet. Dont watch like dudes or girls for reassurrance. Try keep the thought in your mind. Let the anxiety burn down! I know its tough but if I did it you can! I felt really uncomftortable today. I tried to keep it in but I couldnt. I know I made a mistake but you learn from mistakes. Lets do this together. Send me a message if you are ready to beat this. Remember you have illness nothing else!