Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Community
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Avatar universal

I'm so miserable help plz

Heres my story it's a little long but bare with me plz and help me before i hurt myself

One of my best mates was leaving Australia for 2 years so we decided to go out for some clubs when the last call came ive had a couple of yagerbombs I had a thought to give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and say goodbye but then I thought wow that's abit gay and I panicked I went to bed and when I woke up thinking why would I think that so I asked my mum what if I'm gay she said if u r that's fine your not tho do I asked my sister she do u watch porn and like it I said yes and she said there's your answer everywhere I would walk I'd get disturbing images and I'd start lookin at guys crotches to see if I get hard and then naked guy pics then I went to the coast and reassurance came I started askin people if they think I'm gay or bi then I went to the dr and told her stuff she said anxiety and gave me pills so I started takin em then I looked up random thoughts and found OCD and stuff do I went back and told her I think I got OCD I told her gay things give me anxiety a gay walked into my store and I avoided him like he had the plague she said sounds like OCD and she told my mum I know gays and he isn't gay so now I've been doing erp and cbt it went away for a week and now it's back I've only had 3 gay thoughts/urges in years gap in locker rooms I don't get erect gays kissin didn't get me horny I've had 3 gfs and lost my virginity to em but now it's come back it's saying I'm lying to myself and what if the 3 thoughts meant something I dont know what to think nemore
4 Responses
1699033 tn?1514116733
This has been going on for a while.  Talk to your doctor about possibly upping your medication.  It may not be working for you at the dose you are at.  
1981689 tn?1327519911
Now I read what you wrote and I personally think you might be gay. The only person who can honestly answer that is yourself. I know everyone goes through sexual confusion and different ages but all pretty much around 12-25yrs of age. How old are you?  What will happen in your mind if you are gay.  Do you have any gay friends you can confide in?
1699033 tn?1514116733
Continue with your therapy and medication.  Most people that are gay realize it very early on in life.  
Avatar universal
Hey -- bieng gay myself it was nothing I ever stressed over. It's a decision you come to very easily. Don't worry about it -- you're not gay. Best of luck.
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