Like many OCD suffers, I experience horrific, unwanted thoughts, such as, for example, of becoming a *********. In connection with these thoughts, I have developed the concern that if I do not perform certain elaborate mental rituals, the unwanted images will remain in my subconscious and cause me to do or become that thing that I am obsessing about. This was based on what I presume to be a half-baked conception of operant conditioning.
I also experience unwanted images of people I dislike - people who have harmed me or whom I otherwise find unappealing. I will have recurrent images of unpleasant situations involving these people and will worry that if I do not perform the appropriate rituals, my subconscious mind will meditate on these images and cause me to become like these people. In particular, I fear losing my intelligence in the process.
Anyway, at some point, these dual obsessions collided and I began threatening myself with "becoming stupid" like some particularly noxious person if I allowed myself to experience some horrific, unwanted thought. Inevitably, I would think that thought and would immediately begin to fear that my subconcious mind would make good on my threat and cause me to lose my intelligence unless I engaged once again in certain rituals.
My question is this: is there any scientific evidence for the existence of some kind of purely intellectual conversion disorder in which neurotic fears manifest themselves by inhibiting cognitive functioning. I know Freud has documented supposed instances of neurotic disorders that result in physical paralysis, but is there any reason to fear some purely mental equivalent?
One of the hallmarks of OCD is that sufferers are supposed to recognize that their fears are irrational. I cannot convince myself that this particular fear is misplaced. Thus, whenever I find myself encountering a task that I have difficulty performing or whenever I find myself struggling to remember some fact that should be readily available to me, I start to worry that perhaps I failed to perform the ritual properly. This is particularly the case where the obsession is of something I fear worse than becoming stupid, such as, for example, molesting children. I fear that my subconscious mind will make me stupid in an effort not to become a *********, as some kind of defense mechanism, or as some kind of punishment for thinking the unwanted thought. some punishment that I subconsciously (or otherwise) think I deserve?
Any thoughts on this matter would be greatly appreciated.