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Is this HOCD?

Hi guys. So I’m a 21 y/o female and I’ve been going insane! I’ve always liked boys! Always I’ve got a amazing boyfriend. One day I had a random thought “what if I’m gay” and from then on I’ve been to hell and back, my anxiety is through the roof! I constantly tell myself I’m not gay. I get freaked out when I’m excited to see my friends incase that means I’m gay. I’ve never once even had an urge to kiss a female, I’ve always wanted to be like some girls but never with them. Whenever I go to talk about my boyfriend it’s as if my Brain wants me to say girlfriend. I’ve had scenarios where I’ve randomly came out to my family, or my thoughts will say tell them you like females nobody would care, and I freak I don’t like girls in that way! What’s wrong with me is this HOCD? Please any answers are respected!
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973741 tn?1342342773
That sounds like anxiety.  Do you know that a heterosexual person can occasionally think that someone of the same sex is attractive or even have a sexual fantasy involving someone of the same sex and STILL be 100 percent heterosexual?  Our minds are our own playground of thoughts and we often don't act on what we think about.  Someone may be having money issues and think it would be great to rob a bank and walk away with a million dollars.  They may think about it in the most realistic way and have a longing. But they aren't ever REALLY going to rob a bank.  They aren't guilty of anything other than thinking. We all think.  You are doing that circular mind thing that anxious people do.  Overthinking, making everything into a bigger deal than it is.  Do you have anxiety with regards to other things?  
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Thanks so much for your reply! It’s just I don’t understand why my brain is doing this to me I get so so upset, even if I got to talk about my boyfriend I freak out thinking my mind wants me to say girlfriend! And I suppose I just worry a lot in general. I’ve always worried I’ll get cancer or something like that aswell
Since it really doesn't matter if you're gay or not, the fear of being gay is based on the historic bias we have against gay people.  It's been so inculcated in us over the last few centuries -- it wasn't always like this, bisexuality seems to be the historic norm -- that even if we have no overt bias it's just there.  That's why it bothers you.  But being gay isn't how you think, it's how you act, as Mom says.  You only have hetero relationships, and by now at your age you would probably have noticed if you were gay.  So it's a thought you found scary and to hooked on thinking about, which might indicate you have an anxiety problem in there that might benefit from some attention, perhaps therapy, if it is getting in the way of your life.  If this is just a random thing and it goes away quickly, well, life, as Mom also said, is full of thoughts.  It's what our brain does.  It's only when those thoughts become obsessive and chronic we start avoiding things because anxiety is getting the better of us that we have a disorder.  And the term HOCD really needs to be retired.  I think it was made up by pharmaceutical companies trying to sell more OCD drugs.  What everyone on here describes as that is a phobia, just like being afraid to fly or ride a roller coaster for those who have that phobia.  Often thinking we're gay follows a break-up or something that challenges our security about our sexuality -- anything like that happen?  
paxiled, different cultures and religion place that bias and while we may not feel that way, a large sector of the society does.  Living within that group needs empathy if someone struggles with it.  And not wanting to be gay because of that is understandable. I think everyone needs to be who they are but easy for me to say and harder for someone to feel what happens if they go against their family, church or society.  So, I'm very empathetic to the pressures of that.

winter111, again, you do sound like you have some classic signs of anxiety. Health anxiety is a common one and the obsessive worry about whether or not you are gay or bi is another example.  Therapy can be very beneficial.  Really.  Have you considered doing that?
I’m not saying I am homophobic or nothing, people can be gay/bi/pan whatever they want to be. But in myself that’s not what I want to be, I wouldn’t be happy being that. I enjoy being with boys! I’ve googled so much on this and it tells me sexuality is fluid etc, I never thought it was. I get worried when someone I know randomly becomes gay or bi. I dunno maybe I am just obsessively thinking. I get so worried when my thoughts want me to come out. I’ve not done therapy I can’t afford it
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