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Is this OCD or just denial because it feels SO real
A while ago I thought I had Hhttp://www.medhelp.org/posts/new_with_new_subject?forum_id=231#OCD or gay OCD due to the constant flow of intrusive sexual thoughts I was receiving on a daily basis. It's been 3 to 4 months since these thoughts started and I am very fearful/anxious because now I'm starting to doubt that I have OCD and I really might be gay. I spent hours on the Internet searching and researching this issue which seems to give me temporary relief. I feel like I'm constantly at war with myself and I am very fearful/ anxious that these thoughts might be real and that I am in fact gay and saying I have OCD or HOCD is just me being in denial!! I go to a therapist and she has diagnosed me with anxiety and I've began to fall into a depression because of these thoughts! They make me very upset and it's all I can think about, I have no control at all!!
I have always liked boys but lately I have felt the need to confess every thought to my mom and I know that is very hard for her to constantly be listening to me! I often "check" my self by comparing my reaction to thinking of a boy and thinking of a girl, I will have a conversation and then question weather I did something to act gay, I even recall things that happened up to 8 years ago and analyze the situation to see if what I did was gay or could be considered gay behavior. Do you know if there is anyway to know if I have OCD or if I am just in denial?
If it helps I have had a past history of irrational thoughts such as me having cancer, my mom dying, someone breaking into my house, that I would cut all my hair off if I touched scissors, the zombie apocalypse would occur and I would be the only human left, the world would freeze and I would be the only one left, and that I would wake up in the middle of the ocean! I don't realize that these thoughts are irrational until they have passed and my current fear feels very real.
It's very scary to me though because I guess I have always found being gay weird and kind of interesting but I certainly don't want to be gay, I don't mean to be offensive to anyone!! It just feels so real I am actually starting to think that I am and I'm very afraid. A while ago i started master-bating and i saw a lesbian porn video pop up and i got aroused so fast it was frightening to me! Ever since then I have been terrified!! I don't know whats real and what isn't. My mom and therapist both say that it is very clear that i have OCD like tendencies but I'm worried that its just being in denial tendencies!! I don't want to be gay but there is a part of me that genuinely feels gay and I don't like it but at the same time i don't know if i want it to go away. Its like caring and not caring all at the same time. My anxiety has been severe and debilitating lately and I can't live like this anymore. I NEED some answers, I NEED to be okay again. Its gotten to the point where when I look at a girl I will stare at her boobs or butt for a second to see if i will get aroused or attracted and i do the same for guys. I hate it!! Im so young, only about 15 years old. My mom keeps finding forums online about kids going through the exact same thing I'm going through and the comments say they have OCD but this dosnt feel like OCD it feels REAL!! Please help me.
I have always liked boys but lately I have felt the need to confess every thought to my mom and I know that is very hard for her to constantly be listening to me! I often "check" my self by comparing my reaction to thinking of a boy and thinking of a girl, I will have a conversation and then question weather I did something to act gay, I even recall things that happened up to 8 years ago and analyze the situation to see if what I did was gay or could be considered gay behavior. Do you know if there is anyway to know if I have OCD or if I am just in denial?
If it helps I have had a past history of irrational thoughts such as me having cancer, my mom dying, someone breaking into my house, that I would cut all my hair off if I touched scissors, the zombie apocalypse would occur and I would be the only human left, the world would freeze and I would be the only one left, and that I would wake up in the middle of the ocean! I don't realize that these thoughts are irrational until they have passed and my current fear feels very real.
It's very scary to me though because I guess I have always found being gay weird and kind of interesting but I certainly don't want to be gay, I don't mean to be offensive to anyone!! It just feels so real I am actually starting to think that I am and I'm very afraid. A while ago i started master-bating and i saw a lesbian porn video pop up and i got aroused so fast it was frightening to me! Ever since then I have been terrified!! I don't know whats real and what isn't. My mom and therapist both say that it is very clear that i have OCD like tendencies but I'm worried that its just being in denial tendencies!! I don't want to be gay but there is a part of me that genuinely feels gay and I don't like it but at the same time i don't know if i want it to go away. Its like caring and not caring all at the same time. My anxiety has been severe and debilitating lately and I can't live like this anymore. I NEED some answers, I NEED to be okay again. Its gotten to the point where when I look at a girl I will stare at her boobs or butt for a second to see if i will get aroused or attracted and i do the same for guys. I hate it!! Im so young, only about 15 years old. My mom keeps finding forums online about kids going through the exact same thing I'm going through and the comments say they have OCD but this dosnt feel like OCD it feels REAL!! Please help me.
Hi Jessica,
What you are going through sounds definitely like anxiety and OCD, I've had exactly the same symptoms and compulsions when I was younger (eg. having to "confess" to my Mom) and I have been diagnosed with OCD and anxiety.
On the other hand you're quite young and it's totally normal for someone your age to doubt their sexuality (beyond OCD), most teens do, it's just not something anyone talks about because they think they're the only one feeling that way. Getting aroused by lesbian porn is A, totally normal even for straight girls and women, and B, intensified by your fears, as in you're afraid that you're going to feel this way and lo and behold, you do. If I can give you one piece of advice, it's to stay away from porn sites, not only to avoid feeling more anxious and "convinced" that you are something you're not, but also they tend to give out a somewhat skewed picture of sex altogether which can affect your self esteem.
Rest assured that it's your mind playing tricks on you, and if you really were gay, it would feel natural and good, and most importantly, you wouldn't be scared of it.
Take care, you'll get over this.
What you are going through sounds definitely like anxiety and OCD, I've had exactly the same symptoms and compulsions when I was younger (eg. having to "confess" to my Mom) and I have been diagnosed with OCD and anxiety.
On the other hand you're quite young and it's totally normal for someone your age to doubt their sexuality (beyond OCD), most teens do, it's just not something anyone talks about because they think they're the only one feeling that way. Getting aroused by lesbian porn is A, totally normal even for straight girls and women, and B, intensified by your fears, as in you're afraid that you're going to feel this way and lo and behold, you do. If I can give you one piece of advice, it's to stay away from porn sites, not only to avoid feeling more anxious and "convinced" that you are something you're not, but also they tend to give out a somewhat skewed picture of sex altogether which can affect your self esteem.
Rest assured that it's your mind playing tricks on you, and if you really were gay, it would feel natural and good, and most importantly, you wouldn't be scared of it.
Take care, you'll get over this.
1 Comments
Thank you so much!! You have no idea how appreciative i am!!
These symptoms indicate towards ocd,but you need a official diagnosis, your therapist had diagnosed you with anxiety only but i think you need to consult a psychiatrist.
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