Hi, I don't feel like it's making my life problematic at all (right now) so I don't really want to go to a doctor about it and make a fuss.. I'm sorry if this is too long to read!
I've always had these kinds of thoughts for as long as I can remember, where if I think of something bad I think it'll happen if I continue to think about it. I remember when I was very little at school, and it was a mufti day (No uniform), but I was scared everyone and the school were lying about it to get me into trouble (the school even sent a letter to tell us it was mufti), and I was scared that now I had thought it, it would come true.
I've always had these kinds of thoughts, but just this past year or two it's become very apparent.
- I always have to walk on the right side of people, and if I'm not I end up getting in people's way when I'm walking to cross over to the right, being on the left is very discomforting.
- When ever I'm feeling scared about something (Most often when I'm walking downstairs in the night and have to turn on a light) I have to say "please don't, please don't, please don't. Just anything bad or scary or horrible." (Which sounds silly I know) until I feel okay about it. I think this sort of stemmed from when I was little I used to think the monsters could hear my thoughts so I'd ask them not to do anything in my head. Now I always say it, like if I think there's someone outside the front door with a gun that would shoot through the door (which I know there isn't but I still have to say it so it doesn't happen)
- If I think about someone's death it'll happen unless I say (Above ^ )
- If I'm writing and say, the pen didn't write properly and I trace over the letter/word, I then have to trace over all the letters/words until I feel okay about it.
- If I touch one part of my hand or fingers, usually the under sides of my fingers, it's like I can feel them, as if my body's saying "touch them touch them touch them" and I have to touch it to get the feeling away, I think this happens more when I'm nervous, like now.
- If I'm reading sometimes I have to read a word over and over because I feel like the word didn't register in my head properly
- If I'm aware I did something uneven, EG walking across a zebra crossing on the white lines, and my foot over steps a line a little, I have to go and re walk across it
- if I'm tapping my feet or fingers, I have to make sure each finger/foot gets an even amount of taps. EG I tap once with my left foot, two times with my right, I have to then tap two times with my left and once with my right.
- If I'm walking up stairs one step at a time (which is weird, I never really do it unless I'm being silly) then each foot has to go first an even amount of times. EG left foot first, right second, right foot first, left second. I think I've always done this.
I'm really sorry if this was too long. I guess the next best person to ask other than a doctor is an actual person with OCD. Thank you!