And the thoughts gets even deeper and my brain says things like “would a girl like this? Would this be something they would like?” And then I feel terrible and it makes me feel like I want to do these things. It makes me feel like if the other person is liking it then I would and I hate it! I hate this so much. Why and I thinking this ****. What is happening to me
Well, sorry, but you might very well enjoy it. That doesn't, however, make you gay. People in prison have sex with one another because there's no one else to have sex with, but when they get out they are who they are. Pleasure is pleasure, and sex just feels good. But the question really is, who do you want to be a romantic partner with? If you consider most people masturbate, well, that's not because we're autosexual, it's just because it feels good and lets off some negative energy. The only way you'll know for sure is to just go do it. But if you don't want to do it, you're not gay or bi. The problem isn't that you have these thoughts, it's that the thoughts bother you this much. That's an anxiety problem, a phobia about being gay. This is due to centuries of discrimination and condemnation of gay sex, and while you may have gay friends, that doesn't make you not have a bias against being gay. This afflicts all of us, even gay people. But your actions are those of a heterosexual person, as you've certainly had a lot of opportunities to have gay sex and never have. But again, if you truly wanted to do it, you'd do it and see if you liked it and it wouldn't bother you this much, it would just be another of those many things in life we have to figure out. It bothers you because you have a phobia about being gay, which is an anxiety problem, which you treat with therapy and, if it gets this much in the way of your life, perhaps medication.