Is this still HOCD??

[pvnda]

Please help! I came out as gay about 3 or 4 months before the thoughts started. I’m afraid that this means that I am bi seeing as though I haven’t been “sure” of my sexuality my entire life. People always say if you have been what you say you are for years, no thought is gonna change that. Before I came out as a lesbian, I had come out as bi (which was very difficult for me) because I thought everyone would be happy knowing that I could still possibly date, marry, and have kids with a man. About a year after of me coming out as bi I came out as a lesbian (which was very easy for me to do, and I was SO HAPPY). I had this feeling that I was finally on the path to finding myself. I was and still am happy being gay. I don’t want to bi, but because the thoughts came so early on after my coming out, what if it’s a sign?? I’m scared, I really and truly don’t want to be bi, and I don’t know what anything means anymore.

[Paxiled]

Sexuality is only one facet of our lives.  Anxiety is another.  Depression is another.  Confusion is another.  I'm never comfortable with the whole idea of HOCD.  OCD has been expanded to include just thoughts rather than behaviors, and the problem I have with this is that everyone has thoughts, doubts, and obsessions.  Every0ne with chronic depression and anxiety can only have those condition if they have obsessive thoughts.  More than focusing on a label, focus on the fact you don't reach a state of certainty no matter what you do, which means there is still insecurity and doubt there.  One of the reasons CBT was invented was the realization that in therapy you can talk for years, figure out exactly what caused you to feel troubled, and still feel troubled.  So they bypassed that part and just worked on helping people learn to stop thinking troubled thoughts.  Now, obviously this was too simplistic, but what it does teach is that just knowing you're gay doesn't necessarily eliminate all the angst you suffered getting to that point.  You might still need work on it.  If you are bi, yeah, being bi is harder, but if you are you are.  If you're not and are just afraid you are, that's not a sexuality issue, that's a phobia issue or some other anxiety issue that needs work.  If you're sexually active, who are you having sex with?  Are you actively bi?  Have you ever been?  Are you actively gay?  What you do is really the acid test, not the what ifs of thoughts.  Peace.