hocd??

[knick33]

My entire life i was attracted to women. I remember my first crush, my first kiss, and the true feelings that came with each of them. I am now 21 years old and going through an extreme case of anxiety and depression. I cannot stop wondering if i am gay or not. I dated a girl from when i was 18 to 20, and had a totally normal relationship with lots of sex. Now the thought of having sex with a girl scares me, because i do not envision myself being able to perform. Furthermore, my fear of being gay has led me to successfully masturbate to images of men, but when im finished i just feel terrible about myself. I walk around all day with this lingering feeling in my head that im gay, and it is really having an effect on my social life as well as my mental health. This has to be HOCD, it just has to be. What can I do to calm myself down and end this misery that has lasted in me for the past year and a half?

[MyName101]

I've been scared that I might be gay/bi for months now and it ruined my 14th birthday and also ruined my freshman graduation. I think it could be possibly HOCD because I do have thoughts like "what if i'm gay" "i dont wanna be gay" "im scared" etc. but before i thought i was gay i had sex with a girl snd thought i had HIV/AIDS and got very depressed about it for months what MIGHT have triggered it was when I looked at her vagina it was a little dirty and stuck together... But when i finally did it with her i fell in love. I tried lookinf at gay porn and i had groin responses and got half a boner...... Then i started gagging and almost puked. I reaalllllyy dont wanna become gay and if i think im sitting gay i'll change how im sitting. I have so much to say amd the thoughts never get out of my head. Yesterday i convinced myself i was truly gay i looked up "naked guys" i didn't get a boner but my stuff felt all tingley... Then i watched gay porn had my heart was beating super fast and it started to feel good... I really don't wanna really have sex with a guy in real life though. It actally sounds gross... And if i try to masterbait to a guy in my head it just doesnt feel right... I start feeling less aroused but why did i like the porn with two gsy guys havinf sex??? I feel like im straight but im so scared that im gay or bi because i dont wanna lose girls...... I loved them forever and still do could it be puberty??????? Hocd????? What is this it hurts me soo bad!!! I dont see myself being gay in the future or anything like that but if i had a choice to have sex with any guy in the world or to have sex with any girl in the world i would never choose the guy only the girls. I still have SO MUCH to say CAN I PLEASE GET HELP THANK YOU

[Aspic123]

I'm going through the same problem I was with a girl for three years and halfway through our relationship she dumped me out of the blue thought a text I was pissed/depressed/anxious I tried to be with other women which I was successfully with three while we were apart but I could not perform for the third after this I was convinced I was gay me and my girlfriend got back together and everything was how it should've been but the thought still lingered "are you gay" we broke up for the last time this year and its only gotten worse ive tried watching same sex porn nothing happened no arousal or anything I even still watch girl on girl more but this thought still sits there telling me I'm gay idk how idk why but it does and basically I know I'm not but I don't feel ill ever be happy again with these thoughts bouncing around my head it effects my everyday life and I really hate it. I mean it's not like I didn't really love this girl I know I did I lost weight over thinking about her constantly I just would really like some clarity like you if you could slip me some advice that would be appreciated I'm seeing a therapist an I mentioned the possibility of hocd an he totally disregarded it.

[Hardware444]

Same with me

Questions
So basically what you are all saying, what makes us not a homosexual is that we do not want to, even tho we have the attraction and disgusting gronial response
(was not there before the ocd)


One last thing regarding HOCD, since the attraction and disgusting gronial response are a symptom of the OCD, when the OCD gets better will it start to fade and the fear of being attracted to the same sex reduced. This all started when the OCD started (hopefully is OCD) so i assume it is a symptom of the OCD...

Any Thoughts would be welcome

[VeryWorriedFather]

OCD works by giving you disturbing thoughts on the most precious things to you, for example a devoutly religious person will get disturbing thoughts about religion. A caring mother will get thoughts about harming her baby. The best way is not to respond to these thoughts. Don’t reassure yourself that you are not gay.. and these feelings and worries will gradually reduce and go away. The more you try to reassure yourself, the more intrusive thoughts you get. (Although I don’t think the masturbation is helping matters).

[MrFoo]

I have the exact same problem as you knick33, I must admit I did always find a bit of gay porn a turn on, but not really enough to keep my attention.  I was always into girls my entire life, I never looked at a man and thought I could be with them, never.

Up until a few weeks ago my sex life with my gf was fine and dandy, then bang this hit me full on, now  I can't peform in bed and am scared I am going to lose her because I might be gay.  I love her and always have, but now I am questioning myself its ruining my life.

Sorry this is no answer to your post, I hope someone can answer this but I am seeking professional help in the hope that I can be calmed and learn to deal with this mess that has ruined me.