765828 tn?1306267468

Lock the doors

It's funny reading the topics listed because I can apply myself to practically all of them.  But I want to write about my current situation that involves my OCD.  I am a kleptomaniac.  It is an impusle that comes and goes.  I don't understand why i do it, though.  I never want what I steal and there isn't any emotion tied to it.  My normal state of mentality is disassociation.  This is something I can't talk to people I know except a select few.  It's hard to let people know that aspect of my personality because trust is a big issue.  I would never steal from my friends ... ever.  

But this is about my sister, Abby.  I recently took her credit card, activated it, and let it sit in my apartment.  I used it three times before I cut it up.  I feel extremely guilty, disappointed, and ashamed.  Now she's charging me with theft.  I think it's a little extreme, especially since my foster parents pay for the credit card.  Abby gets away with everything.  I know it may sound like there is jealousy between us.  I don't have jealous feelings towards Abby.  She's a mean, mean girl and I wouldn't want to be anything like her.  I think she's jealous of me because I took a different route in life and she followed in R and D's roles and she's faking happiness.  She's conformed to their vicarious ways and I refuse to so I've been told by D that everyone hates me and I should do them a favor and kill myself.  

No one wants to understand the things I do.  They just take whatever R and D tell them, which I believe is totally unfair.  No one wants the other story.  No one cares.  They just want to hate.  It's so much easier to hate someone.  They say people hate what they don't understand.  

The situation with Abby feels a bit extreme to me, but I'm trying to take it day by day.  She's made me angry (very uncharacteristic of myself).  I'm never going to get my teaching job because of her.  I accept my consequences but I mean ... that just ***** A LOT.  


Have you ever stolen anything?  What did you do?  How did you feel?  
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