HIV OCD

[sunshine3191]

Hi,

I'm 20 years old and was assaulted last year by an aquantiance. I closed myself off, got tested at 3 months and everything was negative. My worry and anxiety was still there so i got tested again 6 months after the assault and that was negative. At that point, i was still experiencing a lot of anxiety and worrisome thoughts. I started seeing a counsellor and also started going to a women assault support group. I convinced myself that one of the nurses reused a needle on me and freaked out. I waited another 5 months (11 months since assault) and tested again, everything was negative. I was getting to a point where i was finally starting to feel relief but i started getting scared almost 2 weeks ago that someone could break into my room through my balcony door. I' freaked out and started doing things to make sure i would know if the door was opened (putting small paper in the crack that i would check in the morning.) I woke up two days ago with a sore bicep for no reason. I couldn't recall doing any heavy activity or doing anything strenuous. Now i'm having the thought that the guy who assaulted me broke into my room and pricked me with an infected needle. I know it sounds ridiculous and i try to tell myself to calm down and that its just anxiety but another part of me is so scared and worried. I'm trying to brush the thought off but then i worry about it being real and what if i need to go to the hospital to get PEP? But then i worry that i have no choice but to wait and get tested because my mom will think i'm insane and i do not have medical insurance right now and pep is expensive i think. what do i do, i'm so tired of this and fed up. I also want to add that the person who assaulted me has a criminal record and i think that makes me more worried about my safety. He was charged with assault causing bodily harm.

[Dee1956]

Hi there, I am so sorry to hear about your assault, it sounds awful.  I'm not a doctor just someone trying to help.  Is it possible that you have Post Traumatic  Stress Disorder?  If you are worried about your sliding door, there are things you can place in the door that would prevent it opening unless you wanted it open.
I have seen devices at Home Depot.  Some people will get a block of wood to stop the door from opening or even a nail in the track to prevent it from opening.
JGF25 is on vacation this week.  She will be back next week but I didn't want to leave you hanging.
I am sorry you are so anxious however it is understandable and perhaps you could discuss with your counselor or doctor.
Take Care, Dee