Aa
My Little Sister
Hi, all. My name is Emily, and I'm 16 My sister Shannon is 11, a twin, and has been diagnosed with OCD. My mom, dad, and myself would like to know if there's anything we can do---therapies, groups, anything---to make her life a little easier for her, and how to help her cope. Here's a little about my sis:
She isn't the "neat" type of OCD, but she's a "lister", as her doctor calls it. Shan has to do everything a very specific way, the same way each day, or she'll be very mad. After about four or five months, she'll switch something in the routine on her own, and have to stick with that new routine until she tires of it. For example, she eats a single berry-flavored waffle every morning, has to put on a specific number of chocolate chips all in rows, and doesn't want the rows smeared. If something goes wrong and she can't have this, she'll get really mad.
We've also noticed her wringing her hands now when she's nervous, anxious, or excited. She'll do it so much she make her hands raw. The doctors have told us to make her alert of this, so we'll tell her and she will stop, but only for a little while. We literally have to try to "train" it out of her---as much as I hate wording it that way, that's how the doctor put it.
It's like this when she makes her bed, cleans her room, does her homework, everything. Even when she's playing, it all has to go in a specific order that she's made up in her head. She's gotten better now that she's older, being a little more flexible with her "schedules" and being open to small changes.
Shannon also has EBD (emotional-behavioral disorder) with boarderline autistic tendencies (but she is not actually autistic), possible ADD, dysgraphia (which is improving a little---she can tie shoes and do big buttons now), dysphasia (which has gotten a lot better thanks to an awesome OT and speech program!), and anxiety/depression. Bipolar runs on my dad's side of the family, so they're watching for signs of that in Shan as she reaches her teen years. There's a lot of mental illnes that Shan's doctor's are watching her closely for as she gets older.
Shannon does have good social skills, many friends, and future ambitions. Her twin sister, Kelly, doesn't have any problems apart from speech when she was younger and a need to keep certain things in certain places. My mom also has boardline OCD, her and Kelly are nothing like Shannon. They're more organized, where Shannon's "rituals" are very time-consuming.
We'd just like to know if there's anything we could do to ease her anxieties and help her work through this? She's been getting better for a while, but her "schedules" keep getting worse as she grows. She's noticing that she'd different from other kids and she's becoming more aware of her diagnosies, and worried people will tease her---from there of course, the anxiety and depression goes up, and her progress goes down. We're sending her to Writing Without Tears this summer for two weeks for the dysgraphia, but we'd like to know if there is anything else? Therapies, little things at home, vitamins for thew anxiety? (We don't really like medicating...)
I thank you all for your replies and suggestions!
God bless!
~ Em
(PS I'm writing for everyone. This is my account so I'm copying notes my mom wrote down to this ask. Thanks!)
She isn't the "neat" type of OCD, but she's a "lister", as her doctor calls it. Shan has to do everything a very specific way, the same way each day, or she'll be very mad. After about four or five months, she'll switch something in the routine on her own, and have to stick with that new routine until she tires of it. For example, she eats a single berry-flavored waffle every morning, has to put on a specific number of chocolate chips all in rows, and doesn't want the rows smeared. If something goes wrong and she can't have this, she'll get really mad.
We've also noticed her wringing her hands now when she's nervous, anxious, or excited. She'll do it so much she make her hands raw. The doctors have told us to make her alert of this, so we'll tell her and she will stop, but only for a little while. We literally have to try to "train" it out of her---as much as I hate wording it that way, that's how the doctor put it.
It's like this when she makes her bed, cleans her room, does her homework, everything. Even when she's playing, it all has to go in a specific order that she's made up in her head. She's gotten better now that she's older, being a little more flexible with her "schedules" and being open to small changes.
Shannon also has EBD (emotional-behavioral disorder) with boarderline autistic tendencies (but she is not actually autistic), possible ADD, dysgraphia (which is improving a little---she can tie shoes and do big buttons now), dysphasia (which has gotten a lot better thanks to an awesome OT and speech program!), and anxiety/depression. Bipolar runs on my dad's side of the family, so they're watching for signs of that in Shan as she reaches her teen years. There's a lot of mental illnes that Shan's doctor's are watching her closely for as she gets older.
Shannon does have good social skills, many friends, and future ambitions. Her twin sister, Kelly, doesn't have any problems apart from speech when she was younger and a need to keep certain things in certain places. My mom also has boardline OCD, her and Kelly are nothing like Shannon. They're more organized, where Shannon's "rituals" are very time-consuming.
We'd just like to know if there's anything we could do to ease her anxieties and help her work through this? She's been getting better for a while, but her "schedules" keep getting worse as she grows. She's noticing that she'd different from other kids and she's becoming more aware of her diagnosies, and worried people will tease her---from there of course, the anxiety and depression goes up, and her progress goes down. We're sending her to Writing Without Tears this summer for two weeks for the dysgraphia, but we'd like to know if there is anything else? Therapies, little things at home, vitamins for thew anxiety? (We don't really like medicating...)
I thank you all for your replies and suggestions!
God bless!
~ Em
(PS I'm writing for everyone. This is my account so I'm copying notes my mom wrote down to this ask. Thanks!)
Yes...I get it. If she doesn't give into the urge, it causes her anxiety. That is why she "has to." The child psychologist is your best bet and really look for someone who specializes in CBT. Also, she has to like this person otherwise she will gain no benefit. She needs to feel comfortable. So if for some reason she says she doesn't like the person, then keep looking.
Also, give the book a look and hopefully you can find some useful strategies for her to try in there.
Good luck.
Also, give the book a look and hopefully you can find some useful strategies for her to try in there.
Good luck.
Thanks :)
Shan describes it as "I need to do this". I don't know how that translates in her head, since I don't have OCD, but that's how she always describes it. When you try to get her to not do something, her response it always, "I have to do this." Well, why do you have to do it? She'll usually stare at you and repeat, "Because I have to".
Shannon's current doctor is just her GP, along with the OT and speech-therapist at school. Its the GP who said we should finally take her in to see a psychologist for now, just to see how things go and what this guy thinks. They were going with behavioral specialists for a while but they said now it might be a good idea for her to see someone who specializes in OCD outside of the school.
I'll make sure to keep everyone update,
~ Em
Shan describes it as "I need to do this". I don't know how that translates in her head, since I don't have OCD, but that's how she always describes it. When you try to get her to not do something, her response it always, "I have to do this." Well, why do you have to do it? She'll usually stare at you and repeat, "Because I have to".
Shannon's current doctor is just her GP, along with the OT and speech-therapist at school. Its the GP who said we should finally take her in to see a psychologist for now, just to see how things go and what this guy thinks. They were going with behavioral specialists for a while but they said now it might be a good idea for her to see someone who specializes in OCD outside of the school.
I'll make sure to keep everyone update,
~ Em
Hi there and welcome to the OCD forum.
First let me say that I am sorry that your sister is going through this. It is hard enough having it as a late teenager and then into adulthood like I have had it. Although my sister had it very young...7 years old. She has a Master's degree in Nursing so OCD doesn't have to hold anybody back.
Your sister has been diagnosed and it sounds like the doctor has a good handle on OCD, what to look out for, and some strategies that he/she has given you, but is this person a psychologist or psychiatrist?
When your sister performs these rituals, she is doing it because she is assauging an urge. She may feel that if she doesn't do something a certain way, something bad may happen. Also, if she doesn't do it, she will become anxious and as you have seen this leads to her getting angry. I mean really, who wouldn't get angry feeling like this all the time. The key is to slowly decrease the ritualistic behavior while at the same time employ strategies to deal with the resulting anxiety. This is where learning cognitive behavioral therapy comes in. There are psychologists that specialize in teaching CBT.
This is my take on rituals. And I don't have the ones that your sister is expressing but rather I had a checking ritual...still do to some extent. I had to limit the times I checked. If I checked the stove, I would say out loud "the stove is off" and then walk away and NOT let myself go back. That way when I was in the car driving to work and I had that moment of shear panic that I left the stove on, I could remember my verbal cue to myself that I had turned it off. It is also part, I think, of having ADD as well. We just don't pay enough attention to what we are doing to really remember if we did something. You can do the same thing for the "ordering." Start off slow and gradually decrease the rituals. Have the waffle but drop a chocolate chip a day for instance.
In any case, I understand not wanting to medicate her. She is 11, but remember she is going to be going through some serious hormonal changes and that can send an OCD person into a spiral. So be sure to watch for that.
Personally, I take medication at the moment. There were years when I was medication free but not OCD free. I was older though and had already learned CBT and was able to control it to the point that it wasn't taking over my life. Your sister on the other hand, it sounds like much of her life when she should be out playing with friends, etc. is taken up with OCD rituals. So try to get her to somebody that can teach her CBT, but at the same time don't shut the door on medication because honestly, I am living a very normal life on medication whereas about a year ago I was a complete hysterical, crying mess and had to go back on meds.
Also, try to pick up the book The OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. You can get it from Amazon pretty cheap. I have not read this book but others think it is great. I keep meaning to pick it up.
Your sister is very lucky to have a family as loving as yours. I think it is great that you are sending her to Writing Without Tears. That you are trying your very best to help her with her OCD and other differences. Remind her that being different is okay. My son has ADHD/dysgraphia and yes he is different but I term it a learning difference. He just learns differently than other people but that doesnt' mean he cannot learn. Your sister is her own unique individual. Good luck and I will keep her in my prayers. I know her pain and it is awful.
Please post again so we can keep up with her positive progress!
First let me say that I am sorry that your sister is going through this. It is hard enough having it as a late teenager and then into adulthood like I have had it. Although my sister had it very young...7 years old. She has a Master's degree in Nursing so OCD doesn't have to hold anybody back.
Your sister has been diagnosed and it sounds like the doctor has a good handle on OCD, what to look out for, and some strategies that he/she has given you, but is this person a psychologist or psychiatrist?
When your sister performs these rituals, she is doing it because she is assauging an urge. She may feel that if she doesn't do something a certain way, something bad may happen. Also, if she doesn't do it, she will become anxious and as you have seen this leads to her getting angry. I mean really, who wouldn't get angry feeling like this all the time. The key is to slowly decrease the ritualistic behavior while at the same time employ strategies to deal with the resulting anxiety. This is where learning cognitive behavioral therapy comes in. There are psychologists that specialize in teaching CBT.
This is my take on rituals. And I don't have the ones that your sister is expressing but rather I had a checking ritual...still do to some extent. I had to limit the times I checked. If I checked the stove, I would say out loud "the stove is off" and then walk away and NOT let myself go back. That way when I was in the car driving to work and I had that moment of shear panic that I left the stove on, I could remember my verbal cue to myself that I had turned it off. It is also part, I think, of having ADD as well. We just don't pay enough attention to what we are doing to really remember if we did something. You can do the same thing for the "ordering." Start off slow and gradually decrease the rituals. Have the waffle but drop a chocolate chip a day for instance.
In any case, I understand not wanting to medicate her. She is 11, but remember she is going to be going through some serious hormonal changes and that can send an OCD person into a spiral. So be sure to watch for that.
Personally, I take medication at the moment. There were years when I was medication free but not OCD free. I was older though and had already learned CBT and was able to control it to the point that it wasn't taking over my life. Your sister on the other hand, it sounds like much of her life when she should be out playing with friends, etc. is taken up with OCD rituals. So try to get her to somebody that can teach her CBT, but at the same time don't shut the door on medication because honestly, I am living a very normal life on medication whereas about a year ago I was a complete hysterical, crying mess and had to go back on meds.
Also, try to pick up the book The OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. You can get it from Amazon pretty cheap. I have not read this book but others think it is great. I keep meaning to pick it up.
Your sister is very lucky to have a family as loving as yours. I think it is great that you are sending her to Writing Without Tears. That you are trying your very best to help her with her OCD and other differences. Remind her that being different is okay. My son has ADHD/dysgraphia and yes he is different but I term it a learning difference. He just learns differently than other people but that doesnt' mean he cannot learn. Your sister is her own unique individual. Good luck and I will keep her in my prayers. I know her pain and it is awful.
Please post again so we can keep up with her positive progress!
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