Need to find a way...

[tschock]

My mom and I both have OCD.

I'm obsessed with death, and she's obsessed with everything else.
Not entirely true...I HAVE to have my towels, clothes, etc folded a certain way. I have to have all of the cupboard doors and drawers closed. Perhaps a few other things that I can't recall just now too. lol

I can control mine to only hurting me...she can't control her's at all.
All of my mom's old friends have now disowned her. No one talks to her. She can't understand why, so she finds ways to blame it all on them.
I have tried to talk to these people ( including her own family members ) and explain to them what's going on in her head. When I mention OCD, they of course claim it's just another excuse made up by doctors and pharma's to make money.  Ouch!!

Anyway, some of the things ( like sticking her chest out at people, lifting a breast, and shoving it in their faces ) freaks people out.
When the phone rings, I cringe...knowing full well that it's her...to tell me about yet another new disease that she was just diagnosed with, or how cold her feet are today, or whatever it is.
She is not happy unless everyone around her is in chaos. When things are great she will make sure they go sour.
If she's yelling she's happy. If she thinks for one second that she is not in control of a situation, she runs to her room and cries for hours on end. If you take your troubles to someone other than her...watch out.
She needs to be in control of everything...and every one.
She reminds me of that song I heard on the radio a few years ago " I'm only happy when it rains ".
For all of you that are my age and older, and don't want to ruin your hearing, just look up the lyrics. lol
It's by a band called Garbage. lol
This song explains my mom.

Anyway...I know how to deal with my own thoughts...to hurt only myself and not others, but how do I help her?
Do I apologize to everyone for her? Do I make sure to tell people that I don't really know, that she has this problem?
Do I call her doctor's office and demand that they let me talk to her doctor to tell her how bad things are getting?

You see, her OCD isn't just hurting her, it's hurting all of us. I hate going to visit them because people in small towns talk...and they love to talk about her...and this hurts me.

Anyone have any ideas? We all know how to deal with ourselves and our disorders, but how do you deal with people who have the same disorder?
If I was doing something that made everyone hate me, I would want someone to tell me...I would go to my doctor for help...but she isn't like that.
I need to find a way to make it look like it's HER idea to talk to her doctor about this.

And if anyone can tell me how to get over this death thing...everyone around me is going lately...buried my grandfather just before Christmas.
I'm not afraid to die...I'm just terrified about what will happen to my kids...and of course I worry about how much pain I will have before hand...even though nothing is really wrong with me...but...you all know how it is.lol

Maybe writing a will ( which I've started a thousand times, but can't decide what to leave to who...) will help?

[JGF25]

You know what...I have OCD and what I think is undiagnosed ADD as well.  I once went for a visit to my work's social worker...was having a particularly hard time and as I was walking there I found myself rehearsing in my head what I was going to say...I mean how stupid is that!  Then when I got there I told her and she seemed surprised.  I told her that "I don't have a quiet mind, there is an ever ongoing dialog going on in there."  She asked if she could borrow that phrase!!!  

I feel your pain, I really do.  I think that some things do work better for some than others.  All I can tell you is that without Wellbutrin and my mastery of breathing...I would be a basket case.  And what bothers some people doesn't bother others.  I really don't have a problem with death or germs and a few others things that drive other OCD people absolutely crazy!  But then again, the stuff that bothers me probably wouldn't make them bat an eye.  Take care tschock.

[tschock]

LOL!! Sorry...but that last statement got me going.

Okay...you're right. Stop worrying...I wish I could.
I worry about EVERYTHING! lol

Besides the OCD I have ADD...which is not a good combo.

I have bought every book, video, etc that I can find to try and turn my life around.
You know, all those " Stop the negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones every time you start to think..."
Easy enough for some...but having both conditions makes it stink. lol
Simply because I CAN'T stop thinking.
Many years ago, I had asked my doctor for a pill or operation that would make me quit thinking...he said he had a cure...it was called death.
" If you don't think, you don't breathe...if you don't breathe, you die".
That's all he said. That's when I started with all the positive books/videos.

Lately, I just tell myself that I could be hit by a car or an airplane any second now...and that usually quells the negative thoughts for a bit.

Anyway, I think I'll call my mom's doctor and leave it on her " doorstep ".

Thanks for the time...helps tremendously when I'm feeling down.

[JGF25]

I read your post yesterday but had to think about it really.  

First, you mentioned twice that your own OCD is only hurting you. I know we talked a long time ago on here but I can't remember what was going on or what you yourself was doing to help alleviate your own OCD.  I hate to see that you are okay with suffering.  I hate the suffering I did and I'm so happy that I don't have that anymore.  Your worry about your kids...that is normal although we probably do take it a bit further than most people.  I used to ask God to take me first if somebody had to go because my husband was a better parent in my mind.  I never did a will but it is always good to have just in case or at least talk to whoever you would want to take your kids should something happen to the both of you.  That in itself may make you feel better having those plans in place.  I had those discussions.  Now my son is soon to be 19 and the other one is 16 so I figure the 19 year old can take care of the 16 year old but I'm thinking we aren't going anywhere any time soon.  

Your mom sounds like she has more problems than just OCD.  Maybe some sort of mood disorder that is causing her to run hot and cold.  Her running to her room and crying makes me think this is the case.  

If she were my mom, I would call the doctor, tell him or her what is going on, all of the things you mentioned here.  Then perhaps find a way to tell her it is time for her annual checkup and then have the doctor address these things.  You know...How are you feeling?  Do you get out much with your friends?  Are you getting along with your family?  Questions that can get at the heart of the problem that hopefully she will answer honestly.  If not, the doctor will know anyway because you would have alerted him/her to the problem in the first place and hopefully they can do some convincing regarding the use of medication.  

I'm not sure how old she is...I'm guessing 70s?  If so, they can be stuck in old beliefs.  My own father-in-law who is 79 needs an aortic valve replacement or else he is going to die.  He has declined the surgery with the "nobody is going to take my heart out of my chest."  This is a stupid statement but we can't change his mind so the sad thing is this man is going to die of something that is totally treatable.  We have not given up nor should you.  I wouldn't apologize for her anymore because all it is doing is causing you more stress and probably exacerbating your own OCD.  If she can get on meds, get better, then she can repair her own relationships if she cares to.  

As far as your own death goes, you are 45 and the odds are in your favor that you will be here for quite some time.  We can't control everything in our lives even though we try like hell to.  For my own self, I have always laughingly said that if I ever have something terminal...they will find me sitting in the running car in the garage.