Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Community
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Avatar universal

No Sleep.

Hi, I know I have been posting a lot here lately but mentally I have been going down hill. I really do not know what is going on in my head and why this has happened.
Over the past few days I have been finding myself sexually attracted to men when I have never been in my entire life and my libido for women is almost non existent. My mind has successfully convinced itself that I'm a homosexual. Really this has only happened to me over these past few days. It seems for some reason my mind blocks all the i images I want and puts unwanted images in my head and now I am getting sexually aroused when I never had.
I went to the crisis center yesterday. I was briefly seen by a psychologist who heard my story over some notes taken by a case manager that was there.
I was given trazodon for sleep and Prozac for OCD.

I really do not want to live anymore if I am going to be like this all of my life.
I cannot sleep, eat or even drink water my mind is just in a state of exhaustion.

My past few post can probably draw a bigger picture of what might be going on in my head.

10 Responses
1699033 tn?1514113133
Okay, glad you got some meds at least to help you.  Here is the thing though, the Prozac is going to take a good 4 weeks to build up in your system to a therapeutic dose.  You should see some improvement along the way but the "light bulb" won't go off until about the 4 week mark.  The trazodone is being used off-label here as a sleep aid but in reality it is an anti-depressant.  Take it as prescribed.  If it doesn't help you sleep, then you may want to see about a short-term benzo to help you sleep and to take away the anxiety...something like xanax or klonpin.  It is hard to deal with OCD when you are sleep deprived.  

Lastly, you still need to learn CBT because the medication isn't a cure.  Try picking up the OCD Workbook:  Your Guide to Breaking Free of OCD.  Practice the techniques.  If you don't think you will, then there is no point in buying the book.  
1699033 tn?1514113133
should be klonopin not klonpin
9784446 tn?1421337046
the medicines take time to react, it takes 3-4 weeks to medication to show some effect.
from ur post it looks like that due to severe ocd  ur under depression also.
it is the same case for every pure o ocd patients, due to weird and very bad images come in their minds everytime  they get depressed also.

now i will tell u about my battle with ocd,

my first ocd symptoms came at 17-18 years of age,before that i didnt remember any significant thoughts which disturbed me, i had anxiety most of my time during childhood, but they were not like ocd, they were like generalised anxiety, which goes away with time, now the actual thing
one day when i was in my 12th class , preparing for board exams, and engineering entrance exams, i was under bit stress and tension, and one day a thought striked me that "what if i have sexual feelings towards my mother", i instantaneously tried to stopped that thought, i tried reasoning with it, i tried to give reassurance to myself no i am not like this, but again the thoughts come what if u have, sometimes my heart beat got very fast, severe anxiety was there, but due to shame i did not go to pychiatrist, at that time i didnt have any knowledge about ocd, but i was realizing their is some chemical imbalance in my brain.

after i moved to college i thought that since i will be now away from home, these thoughts will leave me, but the ocd changed with situation, now thoughts strike what if u like guys, what if u like children, this continued for 1year-1.5 year, then these thoughts lost their strength, and i became symptome free , but these thoughts come back at times of stress but they go away easily then because i ignored them easily since i faced them before also.

but after 4 years again when i was under stress for getting a job ,ocd returned with breathing obsession, awareness of breathing for every time, i didnt know what is going own, is there some relation b/w this breathing problem with that problem, i struggled for 15 days, then i tried meditation it helped, breathing obsession was not giving much stress but i was under anxiety that what is happening to me, suddenly thought came what if i have fear of killing my parents, and within a second it become a obsession, then there are a large no of obsession striking my mind, sexual, harm,self harm,breathing,suicide etc,i struggled every second but didnt give up, i told my parents they said that i am under depression and thats why i am behaving like this, but i was not, i didnt wanted to end my life

one day when i was searching on google for these symptoms  i came to know about ocd, then the recovery process started, medication show immediate effect, but u have to be patient, ocd was losing strength but depression was there, i was thinking like why to live when my whole life is going to be like this.but i decided to fight, there are no pychotherapist in my area to teach cbt, but i took help from net,downloaded many pdfs, i have searched a no of websites related to ocd, but the therapy didnt go to desired path, i was frustrated, then i decided to purchase a book specially on pure o ocd , it helped a lot, i didnt jumped to exposures  right away this time , first i worked on my compulsive behaviour, then the cognitive part what appraisals we give to these thoughts, avoidance behaviours , then i did exposures, right now after 4 months of medication and 2 months of self help therapy i am recovered by 85-90% , and i am continuing therapy and taking medicines, basically after recovering fully u have to prepared for ocd when u r under stress, if u can handle ocd with therapy in stress situations
u dont have to take medicines also

in the last i want to say that there  are many people who dont have limbs,many person are blind, many are retarded, many are suffering with bipolar,schizophrenia , many  persons with disabilites cant correct their disability with medicines but u can do, in bipolar and schizophrenia therapy doesnt works much, but in ocd it is  considered better than medication also, so fill ur life with pleasure, u will get better, u should learn cbt if u cant take help of a therapist

i would prefer "overcoming obsessive thoughts by  David A. Clark, Christine Purdon, this will give u confidance, u can a live a normal life without ocd , u have to just maintain ur ocd, life is very precious buddy
Avatar universal
But why am I being aroused by men now?
I just want to be able to eat sleep and by normal me again.The only way I can go to sleep is if that dissipate these thoughts but as soon as I do fall asleep they immediately comeback.
9784446 tn?1421337046
the level of anxiety and doubting behaviour in ur mind is such that u have accepted that ur getting aroused,i want to ask u a question  have u ever heard of any gay/lesbian person who feels really anxious and stressed due to his/her sexual preference, we feel anxiety and stress only for those things which we dont like.

basically u must be checking again and again ur erection when u see a male, and the little tingle will also give u a feeling of erection, ur sexual prefernce is what u like, u want to be with women, it gives u excitement,but even seeing gay word must be giving u severe anxiety, than how can u be gay

it is just high anxiety and doubting , which are the characteristics of ocd, ur believing that ur gay, it happened with me also when self harm thoughts were striking me, i was getting convinced by mind that i will do it, without any reason,but now after treatment i hv realised that it was due to severe anxiety only.

take ur medicines and learn cbt, as well as stop ur self checking again and again whether u getting erection on watching gay porn, or just simply looking at male, u know by urself that ur not a gay, but due to severe anxiety with getting thoughts of whether u r gay only u r very anxious at this time. if u were a gay u must have been enjoying these thoughts , not getting stressed by it

stop checking because u will not be satisfied , until ur anxiety levels go down by medicine+cbt.
now u have started the treatment wait for 3-4 weeks ur symptoms will become week. and all the things which u like gym,girls, ur hobbies will feel entertaining again
Avatar universal
As of these past few days I have actually gotten erections from men. I went from completely hetro To POCD and still hetero to harm ocd and still hetero to hocd and still hetero to homo?

I do not want to live like this anymore
9784446 tn?1421337046
u will not have to live like this for your whole life like this, first 8 weeks are most struggling in treatment, and after 3-4 months , ur symptoms will be almost negligible, try to self motivate ur self, u r giving up so easily, life is for once, u can enjoy ur life after recovering,

i can suggest u onething, ocd thoughts will keep you troubling for around 4 weeks, after then they will become weak, treatment takes time.
but due to depression u will get suicidal thoughts.
whenever these suicidal thoughts strike ur mind, dont give attention to them and try to involve in some work like study,exercise,household work etc.

this will ease out the effect of depression,and rather than just sitting
around lonely, buy a book on ocd and try to do cbt ur self.

in the end, its ur life , but if all ocd patients think like that  what will happen, because u had ocd,do suicide?dont give up so easily man, give  fight back
to ocd, strike it hard
make ur self strong internally.try techniques like yoga,meditation,mindfulness. the point is that i can only suggest, u have to help ur self if u want to become free from ocd
Avatar universal
Its just that I do not know if this OCD anymore or if something terribly wrong went in my head. I've only been like this for a few days.
Avatar universal
What is hitting me even harder is that mi mind is no longer fighting this and is tricking me into accepting this cruel faith. Does this usally happen in OCD cases or have I just lost my mind.
9784446 tn?1421337046
this is ocd , and it will keep on coming and going, but u can see it has make u severely depressed, so please get treated, its a mental illness that why some part of brain is not working properly due to chemical imbalance, thats why ur mind is not supporting , basically u know that all this  is ******** without evidence so ur logical mind is working properly, but the part which produce signals of anxiety are not working proparely  due to which this is happening, ur getting medication, and for cbt u hv been given dates, so in that time u can do self help cbt.

now i have given enough answers to u , now i am suggesting u a book here, Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts (English)
Author: David Clark, Christine Purdon , dont think any thing , purchase this  
book right now, read every line of this book, do every exercise in this book, and i will not reply to u again if u didnt start ur self help cbt

if after purchasing book and started reading u have any question u can ask
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