OCD - HIV FEAR

[Deja_view]

Hi!  I have had OCD since I was young but only diagnosed 9 years ago. A major worry of mine is HIV. I am terrified I'm going to contract it somehow even though I don't go out and haven't had a partner for over 5 years (ended badly).

I had a few tattoos in my 20s and this was my initial HIV fear several years ago when I was 30 after finding out a HIV test was standard in a checkup. Negative but wasn't convinced - wrong test, mixed up results, Dr tired of me so made up the result - you name it my horrible OCD has scared me with it.  Several tests later I stopped. Must have been about 3 years since last test but since then I had a tattoo removed by a procedure where removed is tattooed into the skin - it didn't work but I regretted it as since I have messed up my negative confirmation from my last test in my mind.

I have recently been prescribed Seroquel (I have been on Zoloft for ages so taking too under psychiatric review at mental health department).  I don't know if it's because of starting the new drug but I feel mega anxious and now I find out I have to have regular blood tests to check cholesterol and lipids, I want an HIV test at same time so I can stop worrying about the tattoo removal treatment but scared Dr won't give me one. I can't go to the GUM clinic as last time I went they said no more as had too many. I really need one last test as I am sick with worry over it. Wish I never had the damn treatment, so cross with myself for putting myself at potential risk even though my Dad went with me and everything was sterile.

Can anyone help or relate?

[Deja_view]

Thanks for your responses. Unfortunately I have given in and had an HIV test along with my regular tests for the medication I'm on. I really couldn't overcome the worry

[123tushar07]

Testing wont help you, so please dont go for testing even if any clinic allows you, you are taking medicines already , so why dont you try cognitive behavior therapy from a psychologist

[meemoll]

I am a fellow OCD sufferer with a concern about HIV too. I would encourage you not to get tested and tested unless you have had an exposure such as unprotected vaginal or anal sex, sharing of needles with a drug user or mother to child via breast milk.  Other than that, you can relax, you are not going to get HIV.  Believe me I have had every fear about it just like you.  I don't get tested.  It only brings temporary - or sometimes no relief- and then you will feel like you want it again the next time you are triggered.  You have to hang in there, and let the anxiety pass.  I know it is horrible and feels awful.  I have been there a million times.  Even today I have felt that way.  

Dr. Jonathan Grayson has an excellent book about accepting uncertainty and risk as an OCD sufferer.  I highly recommend it.  Anything else I can do, just ask.