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OCD and Drinking

I have never posted anything like this before but I am drowning in this and need some advice. I have recently found out I have OCD and it’s been been a very difficult battle. I have also been in a really dark spot in my relationship for a while and trying to handle both has been extremely overwhelming.

My latest trigger has been around a night out drinking. I was out clubbing with my close friends and boyfriend, all drinking and enjoying ourselves. I was quite drunk but remember the whole night except for a couple pockets of time, but generally remember the whole night from getting ready to getting home. At one point in the night my friends husband and I were talking and he (knowing I was going through a hard time) was being kind and saying he was glad I came out, that our friends were happy to see us etc. I remember the start of the conversation, certain things said, and the end walking back to the club to join our group but there’s maybe 10-30 seconds of the exact convo I can’t remember. And now I’m terrified I kissed him or something bad but don’t recall. I’ve tried so hard to remember that blank 30 seconds or so but I can’t and it’s eating me up inside. I’m terrified to ask him because it’s my dear friends boyfriend and I don’t want to open up a can of worms for something that maybe didn’t happen. Is this OCD? I’m terrified this isn’t OCD and I’ve done this horrible thing. It would destroy a friendship I truly cherish and be the nail in the coffin for my own relationship with my boyfriend.  every time by friend reaches out to me or I see her I think what a ******, awful, horrible person I am for kissing her husband at a party that my own boyfriend was at with me. And then I circle back and think that it didn’t happen because I would remember... right? This cycle is exhausting. Even writing this out is so stressful and embarrassing . Please help.

Note - I am realizing that drinking and OCD do not mix well and will be cutting way back. It’s not worth this torment.
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I have to ask, what exactly does it mean you "just" found out you have OCD?  Generally an anxiety problem as severe as OCD would be something you would have been quite aware of.  It sounds like you're a worrier and have some sort of anxiety going on, but what you're describing isn't at all what OCD is so more info might be useful here.  For those of us with an anxiety problem, alcohol can be a really bad thing.  It can bring out anxiety attacks because it is disorienting and often also affects our balance, which can be a definite trigger for an anxiety attack.  But for those of us who are like that, we certainly couldn't drink enough to get "quite drunk."  That's a whole other problem if that's something you do on a regular basis.  If you're a binge drinker who drinks to the point of blanking out, again, that's eventually going to present problems in your life.  It may be worth it or not depending on your lifestyle.  But when we're that drunk, it's kind of hard to not end up doing things we regret later if we're the kind of people who regret things.  But again, that's also not OCD.  That's regret.
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You have completely misunderstood my question. I also didn’t say I had ‘ ‘just’ found out about my OCD but that I recently did - as in suffered my whole life from OCD and two years ago finally found comfort in learning I wasn’t crazy and in fact have a mental health disorder -  OCD.  Not everyone has the luxury of knowing they are suffering from OCD when they are suffering. It takes years to get the right help and therapist. And for people to really believe them.

I also noted that I know alcohol worsened symptoms and have cut back. I take accountability for that jus fluke the millions of OCD suffers who have also drank to much on a night out with friends. But to make a blanket statement that anyone with anxiety can’t get quite drunk doesn’t make any sense.

I appreciate your thoughts and attempt to help but please consider if what you are saying is helpful or hurtful before you post.
Let me explain why I said what I said, or clarify.  I'm an anxiety sufferer, so I know anxiety.  I've had it my entire adult life, and I've gotten old with it.  I've also had the misfortune of seeing a lot of different mental health professionals, so I also know that diagnosis is tricky.  A ton of people on this forum complain about their OCD and that's not at all what they have.  It matters because the therapy treatment for OCD is quite different than that for other forms of anxiety.  All anxiety and depression requires one to have obsessive thoughts, so although there is a lot of talk about OCD of a type that only involves obsessive thinking, a lof of the newer diagnoses were created to sell pharmaceutical products that got FDA approval to treat a certain condition, even when pretty much any med that treats anxiety also treats OCD or any other anxiety disorder.  When I said if you wouldn't like to drink if you had anxiety attacks, I meant if you were having panic attacks, because you have not yet been specific about just what it is you are suffering on a regular basis.  Alcohol is certainly used a lot by people with emotional problems, but specifically regarding panic attacks, alcohol triggers them quite often because it affects balance and is disorienting.  That's the specific case I was referring to.  Again, I wasn't saying anything about you because you didn't include enough detail for me or anyone else to do anything but give some general points you might or might not find helpful.  Because OCD is such a powerful anxiety, we know when we have it, and that's why I wanted you to give more detail, so others could give you better advice.  Now, others on here are more comfortable with mainstream psychiatry, I'm more focused on people actually getting help that makes them better so they don't have to suffer as long as I have.  So I didn't say anyone with anxiety can't get quite drunk, I said those who suffer panic attacks usually can't because the alcohol itself gives them a panic attack.  So at least we know that's not your particular problem most likely.  I'm personally not that interested in the event you described because it was a one and done and you were drunk so as Mom says below, that one you need to just laugh about and let go as one experience that didn't go well.  I'm more interested in that you are obsessing over it because you are suffering from a chronic anxiety or depression problem, and it might not be OCD even though you were told it was.  And again, why it matters is because the therapy differs.  Peace.
973741 tn?1342342773
Hi and welcome!  OCD is such a tricky thing to deal with.  I'm sorry you deal with that.  I think that whirlwind of obsessive thought can be very difficult.  The thing that some don't realize is that a mental health issue like ocd doesn't always fit neatly in a box and can be different for different people.  It's so hard when that inner dialogue just won't stop and you become obsessed with it.  I'm sorry you deal with that!  What is your 'worst case scenario' from that night?  That you kissed your friend's husband?  While your boyfriend was there?  Granted, that's not a great thing but in all honesty, you were drunk.  You probably didn't do it and if you did, it's probably forgotten by all parties.  I'd assume it didn't happen unless the other person (the friend's husband) and says to you it happened. But remember, they have a lot to lose by it as well.  Their wife might have a big issue with it, right?  So, this is one of those things that happened and we try to learn from it.  Oh my gosh, I've had a few of those myself!  Bitter lessons, right?  What can we learn?  To be careful when drinking.  That is not a criticism in any way!  I think most people learn this the hard way.  Really, I know I did.  It's so socially normal to drink.  And when you have ocd and anxiety, I think the tendency to drink a bit more to subconsciously help that can happen.  

So, for the ocd and anxiety, what do you do for that?  Are you seeing a therapist or anything?  Considering medication?  I know there are a lot of really great resources online for ocd.  Work books that help give coping tools.  Have you ever checked any of those out?
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I also know that when I say 'forget it happened' that this may be easier for me to say than for you to do.  I think with time, the image of that happening WILL begin to fade.  The other option is to hint at this to your friend's husband. There is some risk in that though.  If it didn't happen, he may think you are coming on to him!  If it did happen and he also wishes it hadn't, he may feel cornered.  Or if he liked it and wants it to happen it again, it's out on the table and he may go for it.  gulp.  So, there is some risk in approaching hi about it.  I'd personally distract yourself from the thoughts as best you can, work on quieting your mind, and let it go if you can.  hugs
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