OCD fear of forgetting having sex?

[Sunflowers85]

I've had several episodes of OCD fears since I was 14. I'm now 32. It ranged from thinking I had HIV on many ocassions to thinking I was rsped and could not remember or that I slept with someone while drunk and don't remember. That lasted for 7 years. Also having to re-read emails or letters to make sure I wrote what I think I did. I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years now. Everything was fine until a week ago. When out of nowhere the thought popped in my head "what of you had sex with someone else and don't remember".

I can recognize the old thought and patern. Yet I know logic does work here. Now I even doubt what just happened yesterday. I was on the subway and stopped to talk to a homeless man in the middle of walkway. It was brief about 4min and my mind is asking the same question. I have begun to do compulsions. I know this is opposite of what I need to do.

I feel hopeless and scared that this mental loop will continue. I started seeing an OCD specialist today.

I just want to know that it gets better.

Has anyone had simlar thoughs? How did you get better?

[JGF25]

Things will get better.  Usually stress brings back the thoughts pattern.  Are you stressed over something lately?  Glad you are seeing a therapist again.  

[Sunflowers85]

Thanks for your reply. Yes, looking back over the last 3 months, I have been very anxious. I've been obsessing over my relationship and seeking constant reassurance about his love for me. I kept thinking this is obsessive and I'm seeking reassurance in the same way I had in the past. And I've had some obsessive thoughts one after an other, and each have seemed to be more concerning tHan the previous, serving to cancel out the one before. Now this one is all consuming.

I've been seeing a cognitive therapist for 4 years now, trying to understand why I fixate over certain ideas that to my logical self are nearly impossible. Now I started to see an OCD specialist. And from what I've been reading and interviews I seen with doctors specialized in OCD, this type of therapy is not the best. What is suggested us behavioral, ERP.

I'm so exhausted...

Thanks for your reply.

[JGF25]

What you need is to learn how to deal with the thoughts when you have them.  How to stop them in their tracks before they take on a life of their own.  How to recognize the thought pattern and change it.  Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.  Were you learning this with your cognitive therapist?  

[Sunflowers85]

No she has been trying to help me understand them at a deeper level. She recently suggested psychoanalysis. My new therapist is the OCD specialist. I meet with him next week for the second time. He said he will introduce some techniques. I've read a lot on the matter, but I'm not trying to do anything specific yet until I get his proper guidance. For now he said try to delay or prevent the reasurrance.

Part of me questions if this is even OCD. Even though this is not the first irrational thought I have obssessed about...

So overwhelmed...

But thanks for replying..

[JGF25]

Well it sounds like OCD to me but I'm not the expert.  The only thing I'm expert at is having OCD.