OMG im so grateful I've found this forum, I've been so alone with this ocd eating at my mind for so long. I've had bad paranoia for a while but about two years ago i became obsessed with the fear of hiv. the most irrational scenarios would pop into my head, I'm only 18 and am not sexually active nor do i use drugs, and i know how hiv works yet my ocd would still put these thoughts in my head.
One day when i was 16 i was cashiering at work when i became convinced a man stabbed me because i felt pain when my hand touched his as i gave him his change and then saw a red dot on my hand later on. Its been two years and every time i get a flu, i get itchy or anything like that the anxiety and fear returns. This time it was due to a cold sore i got and because I've never had one before, I'm freaking out went to bed crying last night and canceled my plans to go out with my friends tomorrow night because how depressed i am internally (my friends dont know why i cancelled obviously). Since that time two years ago I've seen 5 different doctors about the fear and all have told me to take a test to ease my mind as they were all convinced I'm fine, and even i am yet the ocd thoughts still lingered trying to make me believe the worst. Please dont tell me to take test because i can't. i honestly just can't do it.
so my question is, do you think this is ocd or a plausible fear? i honestly wish it was the ocd just so i could know that its something that i can treat myself for one day. I'm tearing up at the thought of all this.
Sorry for how long it is, i just can't tell anyone in real life.