Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Community
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Avatar universal

OCD help please

OMG im so grateful I've found this forum, I've been so alone with this ocd eating at my mind for so long. I've had bad paranoia for a while but about two years ago i became obsessed with the fear of hiv. the most irrational scenarios would pop into my head, I'm only 18 and am not sexually active nor do i use drugs, and i know how hiv works yet my ocd would still put these thoughts in my head.

One day when i was 16 i was cashiering at work when i became convinced a man stabbed me because i felt pain when my hand touched his as i gave him his change and then saw a red dot on my hand later on. Its been two years and every time i get a flu, i get itchy or anything like that the anxiety and fear returns. This time it was due to a cold sore i got and because I've never had one before, I'm freaking out went to bed crying last night and canceled my plans to go out with my friends tomorrow night because how depressed i am internally (my friends dont know why i cancelled obviously). Since that time two years ago I've seen 5 different doctors about the fear and all have told me to take a test to ease my mind as they were all convinced I'm fine, and even i am yet the ocd thoughts still lingered trying to make me believe the worst. Please dont tell me to take  test because i can't. i honestly just can't do it.

so my question is, do you think this is ocd or a plausible fear? i honestly wish it was the ocd just so i could know that its something that i can treat myself for one day. I'm tearing up at the thought of all this.

Sorry for how long it is, i just can't tell anyone in real life.
3 Responses
Avatar universal
HIV is not transmitted the way in which you have described.It is so fragile once exposed to air that it becomes inactive and therefore can't infect you.There are very few modes of Hiv transmission and since you have not engaged in any of them then you can't have Hiv.This is a very common fear for many people however it's the OCD that is telling your mind to panic but it's not justified.
1699033 tn?1514116733
Hi there.  When you say "test" what do you mean exactly?  I think it is established you have OCD so what have any of these doctor's done about it?  Did they teach you cognitive behavioral therapy...ways to help yourself when these thoughts come into your mind?  If not, they have done you a complete disservice if they were psychologists.  You can let me know.  

The bottom line is that this way of thinking, even though it is irrational, needs to be dealt with because for you it is real.  It doesn't matter what others think...to you this is a real situation.  I can tell you you can't get HIV from the scnearios you are mentioning but your brain just isn't buying into it.  That is where the self-coaching comes in.  That is where the CBT comes in.  You need to learn to change those irrational thoughts that are based in the fictional world with positive statements of fact.  If you don't learn these techniques, then depression does set in.  I mean who wants to fight this thought day in and day out for years.  It would make anybody depressed.  

The good news is that there is help.  I don't think you have seen the right doctors.  You need a psychologist that teaches cognitive behavioral therapy.  That is where you start first.  There are medications that are helpful but that can come later after you have learned CBT.  A combination of both works really well.  It just depends on how bad your OCD is.  
Avatar universal
I actually think what the doctors said as in taking the tests of HIV isn't useful because it is just a compulsion for someone with OCD and compulsions feeds the OCD even more so you're gonna keep in this cycle I guess talk to someone close to you ? Maybe they'll know someone you could go for ?
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