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Pregnancy Fear Obsession
Hi everyone!
A little more than two months ago I had an encounter with a guy. Although we did not have sex (I am a virgin), he did finger me. I had heard about people getting pregnant through fingering etc, so from what I can remember (I was a little bit drunk at the time), I took every measure possible to ensure that nothing had happened that could cause a pregnancy risk. However, I started freaking out that somehow semen had gotten inside of me, or what if I had sex and didn't even know that I was having sex.
The next morning when I got home, I instantly felt a feeling of dread. I felt like somehow I had gotten pregnant, even though I hadn't had sex. I told my fears to my friends and they assured me that nothing could have happened. I woke up the following morning (48 hours after the incident) and still felt freaked out - so I went to the pharmacist and took the morning after pill. The following week, on time, I got my period. It was exactly how it always is, lasted as long as it usually does, and this made me feel a bit better.
However, as soon as my period stopped, I started freaking out again. I would obsessively check the internet and found so many stories of women who still had their periods and were pregnant. Three weeks after the incident I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. However, I would feel better once I got the negative result and then automatically start thinking that the test didn't work properly. I also looked online and found stories of some pregnant women who said that they took pregnancy tests that constantly came out negative, yet they were still actually pregnant. I also started looking up pregnancy symptoms and started believing that I had them.
I carried on taking pregnancy tests once, maybe twice a week, every week up until the 7 week mark - all were negative. When my second period after the morning after pill was due - it didn't arrive. I completely freaked out. I have never missed a period in my life - and I had convinced myself I was pregnant. I looked online and some people had reported missing a period after using the morning after pill, plus combined with the fact that I was so stressed out and was on anti anxiety medication because of my thoughts of being pregnant. The only thing I could think about from when I woke up in the morning until I went to bed at night - was being pregnant. I had endless anxiety attacks, and started imagining having to have an abortion. I started saving my money for an abortion, as they are obviously very expensive, and have not touched this money in case I need it.
After my second period was late, I took another pregnancy test a week later (this being 6 weeks after the incident) and it came out negative again - yet I still did not trust the result. By this stage, my anxiety had gotten so bad, I decided that the only other thing I could do was book a trans-abdominal ultrasound to see if there was anything. A little after 6 weeks, I went for an ultrasound and the nurse assured me that she couldn't see anything. I felt better after going, but I very quickly started thinking 'what if it was too early to see anything? what if she didn't do it properly?'. About 5 days after my ultrasound, I started my period. It started off pretty heavy, but then got very light. My period isn't normally very light - so this made me freak out even more. My period lasted 5 days, which is the usual time, but was much lighter (except for the first two days where it was heavy). I don't know if this light period is a symptom of pregnancy, or whether it was due to the extreme stress that I was under (I was worrying 24/7 about being pregnant and was writing my final Uni exams).
A week after this I took another pregnancy test (now being 7 weeks after the incident) and it came up negative again. It has now been 10 weeks since the incident and my pregnancy fears are no better. I keep on looking if my stomach has gotten bigger, I compare it to other pictures on the internet. I also feel if my boobs are getting sore. If I get myself too worked up, I imagine every symptom that I read up on - and it feel as if I have it.
I really can't take this feeling anymore. I have never felt this helpless, depressed and alone. I never want to go out again, I never want to do anything with a guy ever again. I keep on imagining having to have an abortion - I still have my money saved, and I just can't imagine going through something like that. I read up on abortion stories online and then freak myself out even more. I am so scared that my period doesn't come this month. Please can someone help me out, I have never been so scared in my life, and I really have nowhere else to turn.
A little more than two months ago I had an encounter with a guy. Although we did not have sex (I am a virgin), he did finger me. I had heard about people getting pregnant through fingering etc, so from what I can remember (I was a little bit drunk at the time), I took every measure possible to ensure that nothing had happened that could cause a pregnancy risk. However, I started freaking out that somehow semen had gotten inside of me, or what if I had sex and didn't even know that I was having sex.
The next morning when I got home, I instantly felt a feeling of dread. I felt like somehow I had gotten pregnant, even though I hadn't had sex. I told my fears to my friends and they assured me that nothing could have happened. I woke up the following morning (48 hours after the incident) and still felt freaked out - so I went to the pharmacist and took the morning after pill. The following week, on time, I got my period. It was exactly how it always is, lasted as long as it usually does, and this made me feel a bit better.
However, as soon as my period stopped, I started freaking out again. I would obsessively check the internet and found so many stories of women who still had their periods and were pregnant. Three weeks after the incident I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. However, I would feel better once I got the negative result and then automatically start thinking that the test didn't work properly. I also looked online and found stories of some pregnant women who said that they took pregnancy tests that constantly came out negative, yet they were still actually pregnant. I also started looking up pregnancy symptoms and started believing that I had them.
I carried on taking pregnancy tests once, maybe twice a week, every week up until the 7 week mark - all were negative. When my second period after the morning after pill was due - it didn't arrive. I completely freaked out. I have never missed a period in my life - and I had convinced myself I was pregnant. I looked online and some people had reported missing a period after using the morning after pill, plus combined with the fact that I was so stressed out and was on anti anxiety medication because of my thoughts of being pregnant. The only thing I could think about from when I woke up in the morning until I went to bed at night - was being pregnant. I had endless anxiety attacks, and started imagining having to have an abortion. I started saving my money for an abortion, as they are obviously very expensive, and have not touched this money in case I need it.
After my second period was late, I took another pregnancy test a week later (this being 6 weeks after the incident) and it came out negative again - yet I still did not trust the result. By this stage, my anxiety had gotten so bad, I decided that the only other thing I could do was book a trans-abdominal ultrasound to see if there was anything. A little after 6 weeks, I went for an ultrasound and the nurse assured me that she couldn't see anything. I felt better after going, but I very quickly started thinking 'what if it was too early to see anything? what if she didn't do it properly?'. About 5 days after my ultrasound, I started my period. It started off pretty heavy, but then got very light. My period isn't normally very light - so this made me freak out even more. My period lasted 5 days, which is the usual time, but was much lighter (except for the first two days where it was heavy). I don't know if this light period is a symptom of pregnancy, or whether it was due to the extreme stress that I was under (I was worrying 24/7 about being pregnant and was writing my final Uni exams).
A week after this I took another pregnancy test (now being 7 weeks after the incident) and it came up negative again. It has now been 10 weeks since the incident and my pregnancy fears are no better. I keep on looking if my stomach has gotten bigger, I compare it to other pictures on the internet. I also feel if my boobs are getting sore. If I get myself too worked up, I imagine every symptom that I read up on - and it feel as if I have it.
I really can't take this feeling anymore. I have never felt this helpless, depressed and alone. I never want to go out again, I never want to do anything with a guy ever again. I keep on imagining having to have an abortion - I still have my money saved, and I just can't imagine going through something like that. I read up on abortion stories online and then freak myself out even more. I am so scared that my period doesn't come this month. Please can someone help me out, I have never been so scared in my life, and I really have nowhere else to turn.
dont go for another ultrasound because it has become compulsion, you have to break this obsession compulsion cycle, you can learn cognitive behavior therapy from a psychologist or you can learn it from book"Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts: How to Gain Control of Your OCD" by christine purdon
Thank you so much. I am going to book an appointment next month after I have gotten paid. In the meantime, have you learnt any techniques that I can try in order to suppress these intrusive, doubting thoughts - or did you rely on medication? I started my period again today and everything seems normal, yet I can't get this fear out of my mind. I keep on imagining that my stomach is getting bigger and that I am pregnant.
I am contemplating getting another ultra sound done next week once I've gotten paid - the only problem is that they are very expensive and it gives me so much anxiety to go through that situation again. I know OCD sufferers get addicted to checking etc and I know I need to suppress my checking 'urges'. Would you advise against getting another ultrasound?
Thank you very very much
I am contemplating getting another ultra sound done next week once I've gotten paid - the only problem is that they are very expensive and it gives me so much anxiety to go through that situation again. I know OCD sufferers get addicted to checking etc and I know I need to suppress my checking 'urges'. Would you advise against getting another ultrasound?
Thank you very very much
Its ocd which has gone very severe , you are not pregnant you know it from start, but in ocd our mind keeps on doubting, and then we do checking, but we cannot get satisfied, so please consult a psychiatrist for ocd and also look for cognitive behavior therapy from a psychologist
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