ROCD about past events and false cheating?

[OCDfanatic22]

Hello, so first off my name is Jake, I am 18, and having been dating the love of my life for almost 3 years. A little background information is I grew up in a conservative family in the South and so did my girlfriend; I was diagnosed with OCD and anxiety after having panic attacks at 11.The doctors concluded my anxiety and OCD came from Scarlette's Fever that I got when I was 9.Throughout our relationship I have had many different obsessions from typically ROCD if I love my girlfriend or not, Health OCD/Hypocondria, fear of losing my mind, and recently fearing that I cheated on my girlfriend at some point. Naturally I know that I've never had an physical relations with another woman or emotional affair with another woman; it's my memories before our relationship I mainly have problems with. So first off when we first started dating I no longer talked to any girls flirtingly but still held onto some as friends, this lead me to panic attacks recently that "what if I tried to hit on one of these girls and don't remember or tried to cover it up?!" The second problem of my OCD is before I started dating my girlfriend I talked to MANY different women in an attempt to cover up the pain of being cheated on in a previous relationship; I waited 9 months until I started dating my girlfriend from my last relationships. During these 9 months I talked to many women and went on many dates but never committed to any of them, my ROCD and anxiety now makes me believe that some of these events really happened after I got with my girlfriend which isn't true. I get so nervous about these thoughts and so upset that I panic and go to my girlfriend for reassurance, she reassures me then I think of another time that makes me believe I cheated when it was before my girlfriend. This cycle is killing me and I'm on the verge of messaging these women and asking them individual if I talked to them while in a relationship. Has anyone ever experienced this? Please help me. -jake

[OCDfanatic22]

Glad to hear he is alright! I don't plan on it but I hope you and your family have a merry Christmas and thank you for the help!

[JGF25]

PS...don't drink and drive.  My son survived an accident that should have killed him.  Not worth it.  

[JGF25]

He has scars but he is all healed up now.  Thanks for asking.  

[OCDfanatic22]

By the way, how is your son?

[JGF25]

Yes

[OCDfanatic22]

Thank you, you are you right it does switch. Mine started off with one thing and then kept going to another once that one was ruled out. I guess I have trouble convincing myself it's OCD messing with me but I would think since it came out of the blue and also kept switching it is correct?

[JGF25]

For ROCD...I have only seen a few posts.  HOCD and HIV OCD/Anxiety are the big ones on this forum.  But hey...OCD is OCD and it is different for everybody.  Like you said, you have moved from one thing to another.  OCD changes.  It only took a failing Septic system to send me over the OCD cliff last time.  We never know what will cause it and when it will happen.  My son got hit by a drunk driver, flipped over in a convertible, and injured.  You would think I would have lost my mind but I didn't.  There is no rhyme or reason to what we get stuck on.  

[OCDfanatic22]

Thank you so much for your help! I've really learned a lot just from your words alone and I'm going to take your advice on trying to find someone who specializes in CBT. You're right about the reassurance that it is addicting and it's never truly enough. My anxiety over the years has moved from one thing to another for some time but this seems to be the one that hurts me the most.. Thank you for your support. BTW, am I the first you've seen on here with this issue?

[JGF25]

Thoughts really all fall into the same category and that is that they horrify us.  Having this relationship go south is horrifying to you and so that is what you are keying in on at the moment.  If it wasn't this, it would probably be something else...sad to say.  Things that happen in our past and present are all fodder for our mind to plague us about.  I once spent months thinking I was going to go blind while I was driving...talk about absurd!  

You definitely need to learn CBT and whether that is from a book or from a therapist you need to decide.  It is so very important.  You can't rely on people to always give you reassurance.  You need to learn how to get rid of these thoughts on your own and the way you do that is by getting to the "WHATEVER" attitude as I like to call it.  Your mind says black and you know it is white "WHATEVER!"  Because really these are only thoughts and they cannot hurt you.  

[OCDfanatic22]

Thank you for the article and no I never learned much breathing techniques unfortunately :/. Even though I honestly agree with you about the physical part of cheating my mind still won't let go of trying to "make sure" that I didn't talk sexually to another girl while with my girlfriend. The thing is it seems absurd that I would randomly remember this almost 3 years down the road, like how and why would that happen? Also my cousin and girlfriend both assured me I rarely played it when we first got together.. I'm just terrified this is going to ruin my relationship and that will kill me. Have you ever heard of anything similar to what I'm describing?

[JGF25]

You have to stop beating yourself up.  Doubt is a big part of OCD and that is what you are doing.  In my book it isn't cheating unless you physically touch someone else.  I don't care if my husband eyes up some woman in a bar as long as he doesn't take it any further he can look all he wants.  I think it is actually natural to look.  

What did you learn in therapy?  Part of treating OCD is learning CBT so I'm surprised that you have not learned that.  

Here is a good article on OCD

http://www.wsps.info/index.php?catid=0:&id=82:ten-things-you-need-to-know-to-overcome-ocd&option=com_content&view=article

[OCDfanatic22]

First off, thank you so much for your reply it helps me tremendously! Yes I am currently attending college and working as a FedEx Employee as a package Handler so I do hard physical labor. At this point my college is on break and I am still working. This time around Christmas I should be so happy but instead I am worrying to the max. My ROCD and anxiety has switched onto another target though, when I was I believe either 15 or early 6 months before I met my girlfriend I used to play this game online and part of it was people could talk innapropiately to one another yet it wasn't the soul purpose of the game. Well I still played this game the first couple of weeks of our relationship but from my memory did not engage in in appropriate behavior and focused on other aspects of the game. My OCD is now doubting when this one particular conversation I had with some girl on there happened and deep down I know it was before I met my girlfriend but I keep getting doubt and spikes of anxiety. I keep trying to reassure my self that I would A.) Remember B.) I wasn't into that game that much anymore and only logged in on rare occasions, my girlfriend said she remembers me saying this and C.) that I wouldn't do that in a new relationship in reality. I've gone so low as to ask my own cousin for reassurance who used to play it with me and ask my girlfriend. My mind has a hard time differing what happened when and what's real guilt or emotion. I've never done CBT but I have done therapy. I'm terrified this will cause extreme guilt and ruin my relationship with a girl I love of almost 3 years. My question is how can I know when it's anxiety and how can I combat it? My girlfriend says to ignore it and not think but it's so hard!

[JGF25]

Hi Jake.  This is just another form of OCD.  You have doubt and doubt is such a big part of OCD.  YOu wanting to call up those old girlfriends and ask is you wanting to get rid of this thought and we tend to try to do this by blurting things out and asking for reassurance.  

You know you did nothing wrong and so you need to practice your CBT (hopefully you have learned cognitive behavioral therapy).  Also, it could be that right now there is more stress in your life.  At least for me stress makes my OCD worse.  So being 18 are you in college, applying for college?  Stress doesn't have to be right on the tip of your tongue.  It can be in your subconscious.