I am really sorry for all you have gone through. Are you working with a psychiatrist? This is essential here. A psychiatrist and psychologist to work on treating the obsessions and compulsions. Don't go it alone. You may need medication, most with severe ocd do. And there is no shame in this. You take medication for diabetes, right? This is a disorder just like that. Let me what your treatment has been thus far and we'll go from there. But I feel for you. I want this to get better for you. hugs
Oh dear I am so sorry to hear that. You are not alone. You just have to come out of your shell and to take a brave step. You have to fight for yourself. Don't feel embarrassed at all. It's not what u want. So please it's time to seek medical help. Doctors are there to help us. Just stand up for yourself now. Even if at first it might seem difficult but you have to start a new life don't look back. I have gone through much difficult times, as I have ocd too but I have learnt to manage it. But now u should go to a doctor so that he could help u..