Avatar universal

So... HOCD...

If you have read my other posts you know what is going on. Im done with this HOCD im about to do change. Yesterday was a good day. I didnt have any feelings. Today it was going to be good day also but I watched one music video which made me spike. I tried to calm myself but this thing in my head told other way. I felt uncomftortable and bit anxious. I tried to convince that im not gay with watching some gay stuff and I didnt get an erection and then I switched to lesbian. I got an erection and I wanked.
I have told myself not to watch any porn but I have addiction and its hard to me. Longest have been three days without watching because I told myself always that I have beaten HOCD so I can watch porn. Then always this bs starts.
So I have question before I start my journey to beating this.
Why do I like fear watch good-looking men? I like avoid them and then my mind starts say some bs things.
What is this feeling when I see good-looking men without warning? Its like big hit to my stomach and after that I feel uncomftortable and my mind starts to tell me some bs again which I dont like.
Im so envy to guys who dont have this HOCD. They are always so confident, they dont scare, they dont have these feelings.
I want my old feelings and thoughts back like watching women and stuff without being scared that im gay. I never had these thoughts before this bs started. Sorry English is not my native language.
5 Responses
9784446 tn?1421337046
have you taken any professional help?
Avatar universal
No I havent. I live in finland and here isnt many good therapists.
9784446 tn?1421337046
well not taking any professional help and fighting on your own will not do any good. Try to consult a psychiatrist for medicine first and then look for therapy.

First try to talk them, if you don't feel good then you can try other therapists.Its like hit and trial.

I took the help of book for cognitive behavior therapy, i also had the same problem of not having therapy available.

But the treatment of ocd contains therapy as well as medicine so first start medicine and then look for therapy.

If you can not find good therapist you can take help from the book"Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts: How to Gain Control of Your OCD" by christine purdon. This book is mainly for pure o sufferers.
Avatar universal
Should I tell my dad that I have HOCD? He could help me but im scared that he understand it wrong. Should I just tell that I have ocd?
9784446 tn?1421337046
I think you should tell him, it will be very tough to fight ocd alone.
It will be difficult for him to understand ocd if he had never experienced it, but he can help you in taking professional help as well as your family will understand that you are not well from inside although you look good on the outside.

You can tell him how much these thoughts are troubling you,how irritating are these thoughts.
Ocd does not get better with time, it becomes more of a problem if left untreated.
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