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232975 tn?1189755828

Suffering from extreme anguish from a trigger stemming from a recent extreme bisexual fetish fear

[[[Just to clarify before people read this: I am a straight male and I've never thought sexually about men before, nor any body part of males for any sexual interest -- but because I was able to get myself turned on by a couple things, that I could become a bisexual foot fetishist -- I started looking at the stuff because I developed an obsession with that fear and the pictures/interest became an OCD "trigger]]]

I have a problem that I have been dealing with for over a month now, and I'm looking for help and advice, as I have been extremely miserable for nearly the entire period:

I am a male guy with OCD (diagnosed last year) and I have a female foot fetish, and near the end of last January when I was masturbating, I had the split-second thought to masturbate while thinking of male feet for a short bit. That action shocked me, and I decided to push forth by going to a male foot fetish site and trying to masturbate to pictures of male feet that night to see if I really felt anything, and I didn't really. For the next 3 or so days, I had some light anxiety, but nothing major.

During the next couple weeks, I would masturbate to a male foot fetish site because there were one or two pictures that DID give me a sexual reaction (though most of the pictures I ended up losing my erection to when I masturbated to them). I think the sexual reaction was partly due to the nervousness and tension of doing something "kinky" like that.

This February, there reached a point where I was masturbating to such pictures quite a bit because it gave me a tiny bit of a sexual rush and also because I was attempting to "expose" myself to a lot of it (a la cognitive behavioral therapy), and there soon reached a point where I was so consumed with misery that I immediately determined that I HAD to avoid (a ritual of mine when I have unpleasant OCD feelings) to get rid of the pain. Three weeks of 100% avoidance of looking at any pictures and thinking of anything regarding sexual thoughts of male feet and I felt great again.

So I have an appointment scheduled for this Friday with my cognitive therapist from last year, and when I woke up Monday I felt THAT anguish feeling again: extreme misery, no appetite, no desire to do anything fun, crying, etc., because of the anticipation of my doctor having me do cognitive-behavioral therapy to engross myself in these male feet site/pictures/thoughts/etc.

So here's the situation: I am STRAIGHT, and I NEVER had a single sexual thought for male feet before, but when I continued masturbating to the online male feet pictures to further "exposure", a FEW of them got me off a tiny bit, while the rest I lost my erection to.
My question is: what would you recommend as a strategy to combat this?

I see only two (other than full-scale avoidance): #1 completely engrossing myself in such male feet pics and thoughts to numb myself to them #2 get myself to CALM DOWN and STOP OBSESSING about whether I like male feet or not (and I don't, except that a few pictures were able to get me off - but I honestly think that was probably due to nervousness and a feeling of doing something kinky). I honestly believe this whole anxiety/anguish/pain is being caused by extreme obsession that has snowballed out of control since last January when I first decided to masturbate to the thought of male feet.

I really don't want to do #1, because if I numb myself to the male feet pictures and I no longer get anxiety, then I'm afraid of adding those one or two pics to my masturbation material (I'm aware that sounds lame). I really feel that I just need to do #2...just get myself to calm down and ONLY think of those thoughts or go to that pic(s) if and when I need to, instead of bombarding myself with pics when I don't personally want to have a male foot fetish picture as something I regularly masturbate to.

I understand this is a lengthy and probably confusing post, but I'm just looking for some advice. I've been so miserable the past couple months with extreme anguish/anxiety because of this (I lost 12 pounds in 2.5 week from lack of appetite/eating, and I love to eat normally), so if anyone has any advice on whether they think #1 or #2 is best, I'd appreciate it so much.

Thanks so much.
2 Responses
232975 tn?1189755828
EDIT:

To elaborate finally, my major source of anguish/anxiety is this:

I KNOW that I COULD get rid of the anguish feeling if I exposed myself to the source of the anguish for a while (the male feet sites/pics), BUT if I were to do so, I would be afraid that now I would be open to masturbate to those pics at will since there would be no anguish -- and yet I don't want to do so because I don't wanna even have a tiny crumb of bisexuality in my fetish, and so that thought brings MORE anguish and I feel like I'm in an unescapable trap of anguish, misery, and anxiety where I either have to avoid 100% or engross 100% and then accept any consequences that go with it like being open to masturbating to the few male feet pics that give me a small sexual reaction.

I think I'm suffering from aggressive obsessional thoughts and fears about this. I think what I need to do is "stop overthinking things, and let my thoughts carry me along no matter what, and don't push things". That's the advice I read from someone.

Again, any feedback on this would be so so helpful. Thanks so much.
Avatar universal
Dude, you gotta chill out about it.  You aren't gay, you aren't bi and there is nothing wrong with you.  You just like feet.  A LOT of people do.  I know I do.  So take a deep breath and enjoy your fetish.  There's NOTHING wrong with you. You're gonna be A-OK.  Peace!

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