Rebecca, my boyfriend has thoughts like that, it took him a while to start talking to me and his dr about it. It is part of his disorder. With meds they have calmed down but his real brake through can when he found someone to talk to about them. Not acting on them is a good thing, but beating yourself up is not. If you want to talk I am willing to listen. It may help.
Hi Rebecca. Have you been to a physician to get a diagnosis regarding these thoughts? I am not a physician so I cannot diagnose you on this forum but what you do seem to have are OCD thoughts. I have had these same thoughts myself. I thought I would harm the ones I loved not by choice but because it would just kind of accidentally happen. These thoughts are very, very dibilitating because you know in your heart this is not the person you are yet these thoughts just keep coming. Unfortuanely, the more you "fight" them so to speak, the worse they get becasue you are giving in to them as being "real" when in fact they are just fictions or irrational thoughts. The key is to not give in to them.
To really get a handle on this, because it seems to me that these thoughts are taking up pretty much every waking moment of your life, you need to make an appointment to see a therapist. There is nothing you can say to them, including the sexual thoughts, that they have not heard before. So there is no stigma attached here...they are there to listen, diagnose, and be supportive in any way they can.
Also know that the one good thing I learned fro my own therapy is the knowledge that people with OCD do not act on their thoughts. They are just that, merely thoughts.
Until you can see a doctor, there are a couple of things you can try. I do not know if they will work for you but they did help me a bit. Remember, these are just TEMPORARY until you can see a doctor and get the help you need. Also, you are not crazy, abnormal, or anything like that. Our brain chemistry is just different than other people's and so we need to find ways to fix it. And trust me, there are many avenues that you can pursue that will get you back to where you were before these thoughts intruded on your life.
The first way is a breathing exercise. You put your hands on your stomach, you take a deep breath in through your nose...feel your stomach rise as you do this. Count to five in your heat, then let the all the breath out through your mouth as you feel your hands fall back down as your stomach does down. Repeat this for as often as you need in order to calm yourself down, i.e., slow your heart rate back to normal so that you are no longer in that "fight or flight" mode. When you are more calm, you can think more calmly.
I did a type of exposure therapy. I went into a dark room and closed my eyes and actually pictured myself harming my husband, my mother, anyone that I was afraid I would unintentially harm. What I got from this is that I realized the person doing those things would NEVER be me. I couldn't and wouldn't do those things. Once you stop giving in to them, they stop being so intrusive.
Lastly, there is self-coaching. YOU are your best motivator. You need to say ENOUGH, STOP. Replace every negative thought with a positive one. "I have had these thoughts for a while and clearly I do not act on them therefore I will never act on them. This is just my OCD talking and I am not giving into it." Then distract yourself with something like reading a book, meditation, etc.
I hope these techniques help you in the short term but you really need to see a professional so that they can teach you CBT (congnitive behavioral therapies) of which the above is a part or perhaps pursue the medication route. I myself am on medication for OCD and these thoughts no longer rule my life.
Keep us posted as to how you are doing. Everyone on this forum is here to help you in the best way we can but there is nothing better than a professional therapist to get you on the right path.
You are not alone at all. The very same thing has been happening to me for the past couple of months and I find it to be completley unbearable. Like you, I know I would NEVER seek out those thoughts or want them in my brain, but they are just there repeating themselves because i keep giving them importantance. This meaning that the more i try to prove myself that i would never want or do any of those things, the more I'm thinking about it, and the simple sight of those images distress me even more. It's like a cylce for me that can last for up to 20 minutes until it dies down. However, it calms me down knowing that those thoughts could NEVER leave my mind and they could never hurt me or anyone else in the world, ever. When i put emphasis on this fact, the thoughts do die down a lot. Those things are irrelevant to me or my life, they are not real, and they could never hurt anyone.
Hey I have similar thoughts. But what really worries me is when I get angry (even over small things) the thoughts are a lot worse and a lot harder to deal with. For example, if my mum said something I didn't like an intrusive thought would come into my head to hurt her. Sometimes l get really scared because it feels like an urge/impulse and all I want to do is run away. Has anyone got any tips for controlling the thoughts - especially when angry?