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What went wrong?

I have been dealing with OCD and Health Anxiety for the better part of 8 & 1/2 months now, and I feel that I'm beginning to go down the road towards insanity. For all these months I have been scared ******** by the idea of being infected with HIV, by any means imaginable.

It began reasonable. I had been a bit of a, pardon my french, 'f*ck boy' and decided I needed to go get checked, and so I did and everything came out negative. Then while surfing the web I found out that sometimes tests are wrong and from there it began. I have gotten STD test after STD test for the last 8 months and it drives me insane. When I ceased having real contact with girls and quit partying as much, suddenly the thought went well, it's happened while you were drunk, from there it went to I couldn't trust the food I ate when I went out, even though you can't get it by digesting it. It has caused me to become isolated and anti-social and depressed. Now it has come full circle and the intrusive thought has shifted and evolved to the idea of me sleepwalking and having sexsomnia or getting assaulted and not remembering because I was sleepwalking and being infected that way. I have heard that described as having your brain stuck in a gear that it can't get out of. I have not had a real relationship with anyone for 8 months and its turned my life upside down.

I don't know how it spiraled. I was never really depressed or afflicted with OCD as a child or as a teenage. I wasn't SpongeBob enthusiastic, I had anxiety, but it was about real sh*t. I was mean and sarcastic but never really depressed.

IS it possible that I could I have been sleepwalking and been sexually assaulted and infected? Or is it just a cruel dream? I can hardly tell anymore and its driving me off the walls crazy. What do you guys think I should do?! Thakn you guys for your time. God Bless.
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Avatar universal
I have been formally diagnosed, but I feel that is largely because I have not gone in to a professional to talk about this.
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15580560 tn?1441524359
my TOCD got worse now whenever I see a women its you want to be like them you will never feel like a guy again its just ocd I think for me see a psychologist if they say its ocd then its ocd.
my tocd thoughts a changing and morphing I think because I was trying to just accept them and now it got worse message me and we can talk
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