What's wrong with me?

[unknown0099]

My whole life i was attracted to girls , but i was masterbating to all kinds of things, mostly i liked forbidden things (incest,lesbian,gay,tranny) but i also masterbated to straight things.In real i am fully attracted to women and i love them, how they act,look and i simply want to kiss them xD. I only watched lesbian,incest,straight porn (i didnt want to watch gay/tranny because i thought it will turn me gay) so i did only gay/tranny fantasies.Recently i started thinking that i am gay, i was so depressed ,but after reading a lot of other people's cases i realised i am not only one,so i was a lot better. But still sometimes , when i think of having girlfriend my mind tells me "No , you can't have girlfriend, you are gay". My mind is kind of in mess now ,i never used to think i am gay before until now .In front of girls i am shy and excited , i am so happy if they even say hi to me :D At men i look only as friends. But when i start thinking of having gay/tranny sex it excites me too because its forbidden. I've watched tons of lesbian/incest/straight porn so it doesent excites me really lot (it does ,but doesent a lot) Please tell me what am i? Thanks.

[123tushar07]

ur problem is not big at this time but remember untreated ocd will never leave you  with a normal life, at the time of stress it will hit u hard, so its better to get treated and learn cognitive behavior therapy so that u can control ur ocd

[unknown0099]

Sometimes i am not even anxious and depressed about beeing bi, cause i know i am not, i am anxious about feeling good, sometimes i feel like the problem is gone, but my mind tells me it cant be gone, its a disease for God's sake, it will be here always..

[unknown0099]

Oh i see, i am not in an opportunity to visit psychiatrist. I dont think my problem is rhar bigbtho. As most people with hocd say, they started avoiding they male friends, i didnt, i am with them all the time and i feel nothing scary, i can control myself to stop thinking about gays. So i dont think i suffer from severe hocd, i'd say it's mild hocd, i am not really that anxious about beeing gay anymore , since i know i am not, in worst case i could be bi. Now, thing that messed me up most is looking for answers online! It's an addiction!! I beleive eveything i read and it affects my mood.. If i read something positive about hocd, i feel awesome and if i read something bad i lose myself.. Quit looking for answers? Btw. My attraction for women is back, i stopped masturbation. How to look at things from now on? How to threat which thought?

[123tushar07]

its just ur ocd playing tricks with u , consult a psychiatrist, u will get better

[unknown0099]

But all of sudden when i imagine having gay sex or relationship with man it seems that i would enjoy it same as straight sex or relationship, is that supposed to be like that? I really ,really don't want to be gay or bi..

[123tushar07]

its just another form of ocd which is called hocd, in this the person doubts on its sexual preference , gay person dont doubt on their sexual preference, they love being gay, if u are feeling shame and ur excessive doubting then
definitely it is ocd, but ocd doesn't go on its own, it would take a combined treatment of therapy+medicine to get treated, also with ocd depression also comes , the first effects will be visible in 3 weeks and to get free from symptoms it would take around 6 months-1 year