Could you explain a little bit more? I am not sure I understand your post, but I will try to respond anyway based on what I gathered from your post. Many people suffer terrible emotional turmoil and feelings of guilt after an abortion. Do you also have OCD? Are you becoming religious also? Perhaps you should seek medical help so you can talk about and maybe receive some therapy to help you deal with your stress. Perhaps you feel badly about your decision 30 years ago. Try to take comfort in knowing that we all have made mistakes but you can't change the past. The only thing you can do is work on your future. A lot of people have made mistakes. Try to keep moving forward in a positive direction and get help if you need to. Many of us here have had to seek help.
OH people always think im feeling guilty or that I feel I mad e a mistake,i dont. I d wish things had been different ,and I hadnt gotton pregnant, but the abortion was not a mistake. this is something my ocd has latched onto. the devil thing came out of nowhere, i am not religious and never have been, I was reading someones post and I felt so much empathy for his pain, I thought of what that would feel like and the fear stuck, the reason I dont feel it was a mistake is because back then I was really sick, with no diagnosis and no meds, a drug addict husband who was abusive, no goood could have come from it. I resent that I was stupid, and let him impregnate me. Ive done the whole therapy thing. thanks anyway.
Oh okay, can you explain in more detail what axactly you are having difficulty with? Your OCD could be focused in on that time in your life just because it was so traumatic not that you feel any guilt but because that event was so stressful? Maybe with more info me or someone else might can help you. Sometimes I know I have to be careful about reading about other people's obsessions because I may pick them up myself. As long as my meds are working though that is usually not the case. Best of Wishes! Have a good day!