is it hocd or am i really a lesbian?

[bay1500]

Im 16 I've always been into guys i broke up with my boyfriend like 3 days before all this happened and my grandmother passed away but I was watching this show like a month ago that this guy came out
And I had the thought what if you were gay?  It freaked me out and I couldn't get it out of my head it went to your attracted to women. Even though I've never been. I prayed about it and was fine for a day and the I got bored and the thought came back and I just want them to stop I want my life back and to know that I've always wanted to be with guys because I have but it's like I can't convince myself that its hocd my mind keeps saying that I have desires to be that way even though I don't and I've started going what if you really do? But I've never been attracted to women or never desire to be with until I started having these thought my mind is on it 24/7. I don't want to be that way I've never pictured myself that way every time I think of my life I see myself with guys. I just want to stop worrying about this. I know I'm straight but every time I tell my self I am my mind goes you know your not. But the thought of being with a girl isn't appealing. I'm just worried that if I don't stop thinking this I'm going  to become that way. And that I'll never have a husband or kids of my own. Every time I try to stop thinking about it I freak out and think if I stop thinking about it I'll become that way or find out I've always been that way. I know its stupid but that's what I think. I just need help and advice on what to take or whatever to do to stop this.

[blahwhatdoido]

Same to you!

[bay1500]

At least I know I'm not the only one going through something like this and i realized that I'm not attracted to women but its like my mind won't let me believe that I'm not gay I know to be gay I'd have to be attracted to women and I'm not. And now I've started feeling like I'm actually gay but I don't like girls so I know I'm not.  I know it has to be ocd but then its like i cant let myself believe it .This is so stressful. But I hope you start feeling better and actually get some sleep. I'll pray for you. Good luck.

[blahwhatdoido]

You're not alone! This *****:( I get how you feel. My mind does the same pattern. I can't even sleep sometimes. Or I'll wake up in the middle of the night and as soon as I do it's like my mind automatically starts to go in the mode and I panic. My sleeping is horrible now bc of it.  And not getting good sleep makes it feel even worse bc my body is tired.  I feel you on not knowing what to do and if you're gay or not.  Is like no matter what someone says you still think you are...it *****:(

[bay1500]

Thank you for that it helped a little bit. And I don't really have the time or money to see a counseller but I have my family that been trying to help as much as possible they don't think I'm gay the say I don't act the way around girls. But This has been going on for so long that I'm starting to feel like I'm becoming attracted to women I know that I don't want to be but I'm worried that I am. And worried that the only option is to be with a girl even though I don't want to its like the second I get better my mind starts freaking out again and I get nauseous its kinda like a panic attack I just want to feel normal again. And stop overthinking things. I still se my life with a guy though. But At times I think its ocd then my mind tells me its not and it making me feel weird where I don't even know how I feel about guys anymore... but have you taken anything to calm down and not think about this stuff? I've been taking valerian it doesn't seem to help but I do notice when it where's off everything gets a little worse.