ocd? or anxiety? intrusive thoughts.

[gatorgrl12]

I am 22 years of age and believe i may suffer ocd but not sure. I have been diagnosed with anxiety but have chosen not to take medication.
I have intrusive thoughts about negative events.
For example my family dying. I constantly play out scenarios in my head that are so vivid i believe them and they make me upset to the point have anxiety attacks. If my husband is late from work he died in a car accident. And i believe this until he is home.
I have always had this since child hood. I can not shake it once i have thought of it. It can last all night. It seems to have worsened.
I am extremely precise yet not ritualistic. I am just getting over dealing with this every day. I am pregnant and have two children and this causes me a great deal of stress. I have not shared with anyone i have this problem. Though my husband has caught me in an episode a few times. And wants me to seek treatment for my anxiety.

[gatorgrl12]

I would say once i became pregnant it did become much worse. And i have been very stressed due to suffering a miscarriage 6months ago. I felt it was to soon to become pregnant but am very blessed and happy about it. I have not had it as bad in previous pregnancies i would say it was moderately what i would consider my normal amount. Once or twice a week i would maybe have these thoughts but only triggered by someones lateness or events. Now they come on at all times but extremely horrid at night. I fear a break in or i have imagined cars crashing into our home. I have not slept in few nights. I wake at every small noise. I feel alone with it and keep it to myself but at night want to wake my husband to console me from crying over events i imagine to be real in that moment. But feel strange and can not find away to explain the visions i see. Or how to approach the fact i may need help overcoming this. I have taken anti depressants as a teen and child. Mostly zoloft but have never considered medicaton in my adult hood. My husband has old me several times to get help for my anxiety because he is scared for my health. But he is unaware of anything but my panic attacks. Im not against medication. I just feel overwhelmed. I am a happy person nd happy with my life yet i have such vivid negative thoughts.

[JGF25]

Hi there....I notice you mentioned that you are pregnant.  Do you find that during your pregnancies, your possible OCD and anxiety tends to flare up?  Hormonal changes can do this to you.  I know because it happened to me when I was pregnant.  Also what i noticed is that my OCD flares up under times of stress.  So for those moments when you think that your husband has died on his way home, are they worse at certain times than at others?  Is it worse now that you are pregnant than before you were pegnant?   I guess what I'm saying is do you see a pattern?  We are never going to be OCD or anxiety free but we do learn to deal with it until a time that it becomes too much and then we tend to go into crisis mode.  So while you may have had this doom and gloom attitude attributable to OCD/anxiety your whole life and have probably found ways to help yourself for the most part, there are those times when you can't.  Are you anti-med because you are pregnant or just in general?  

[gatorgrl12]

Thank you for your help.

[anacyde]

I'm glad you decided to share this and post here.  There is a type of ocd, sometimes referred to as "pure O", where the obsessive thoughts (like you describe) exist, but you don't act on rituals.  Sometimes rituals are thought rituals, like silently repeating prayers or numbers or phrases to ease a frightening thought.  Sometimes ocd manifests as repetitive intrusive thoughts.  I don't know for sure if you have ocd, but what you describe is definitely in the same vein.  What you absolutely must do is confront the thoughts.  Allow the thoughts to be there, sit with them, and let them coexist with you.  It is the act of fighting the thought, trying to eliminate it, which will give it all the power over you.  It's like a game with your mind, and your intuition is not your friend.  Take care.