Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Community
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Avatar universal

recent out of control fear of blood and hiv/hepatitis - need help

i dont know if this will really help me, i have tried other places with no help or responses. i have had ocd since i was a teenager and it went way for some reason but came back 5 years ago with avengence. it is mostly obsessing about my health and thinking i have every disease there is but i have been battling a really bad obsession the last few months, blood and getting diseases from it. i twould be nice to just call my doctor, but i cant do that since i have ran to my doctor for every little thing and they all probably think im crazy so now when i have questions like the ones ive been worried about i feel i have no where to go to ask them. i try the cdc hotline, etc. for help but it usually doesnt help anymore. i have been worrying that i will get hep b and c from anything mainly surfaces and then i touch my eyes, nose, etc. and getting it that way. it has gotten so bad that i have thought that my own boyfriend and cat were contaminated too. then because of all this i have been searching the internet for information and have come across people with ocd scared that they will get hiv from someone purposely pricking them with hiv infected needles. now all of a sudden last night i realized something that happened to me more than a year ago and now i am terrified that has happened to me and cant call my doctor or anyone else for help. i was walking down the street and a lady walked passed me and she scratched my finger and i looked right away and as far as i can remember it was a scratch and not a ***** and that it didnt bleed, but now i am sitting here thinking she tried pricking or scratching me with a needle that had hiv infected blood on it and because it was so long ago now i cant remember everything about what happened. i feel like im losing my mind over all this crap and getting desparate for help. i wont take meds because i also have bipolar and dont like the side effects and cant take antidepressants because they make me manic and give me more panic attacks. i live in a small town and have no mental health insurance so i cant get help from an ocd specialist (have been to many counselers who dont help worth ****), so pretty much living in hell......
14 Responses
Avatar universal
Its simple , see, AS u know u have OCD , the thoughts are because of OCD. So you dont need to worry. Dont think on that .Divert ur mind in some producive work ,or hobbies .
You can do that , be positive , nothing bad will happen ,ok, not only u many people in this world ,have such feeling and thoughts ,beacause of OCD.

thanks, be brave
Avatar universal
I know EXACTLY what you are going through. I still battle with these obsessive thoughts everyday.

Have you ever been tested for these disesases? Although some may argue that testing only feeds the OCD and makes it retreat for a momentary amount of time. But, maybe if you got tested once for HIV and have a Hepatitis panel done, and you can see that you don't have them, your fears may subside.

Once that happens, simply educate yourself on how you can and cannot acquire these diseases and stay away from risks. :)
Avatar universal
hi, thanks for the replies. it is nice to know im not the only one with these thoughts and thanks for the encouragement.

im one of those people who are terrified to even get tested. i have been tested many years ago for hepatitis for another reason before all this stuff and was negative but even if i wanted to get tested for hepatitis now i would have to wait a few months since these
just happended but i do know that if anyting was wrong my liver enzymes would be elevated.

with the hiv thing, i am extremely terrified to get tested for that and was pretty much looking for reassurance that i shouldnt worry about it so i wouldnt have to go get tested. i got myself feeling somewhat better about it knowing that even if that lady did try infecting me or something like that as far as i can remember i didnt bleed and remember just seeing a superficial scratch so im pretty sure i couldnt catch it without bleeding, BUT, then there is the little "what if im wrong" thing in my head telling me what if i did bleed and didnt remember, but i will hopefully get through this and stop worrying.  when i told my boyfriend he laughed about it so that should tell me right there not to worry but i do anyway.

i mainly get over these things by talking to my doctor and will stop worrying about when he says not to worry about it, but i was just there right before this hiv thing and some of the hepatitis things and because i bother the crap out of them i cant call and ask because they get irritated with me so i dont call or go unless i really need to and always have a billion questions for him, so that *****. i wish there was a nurse hotline to call when i had these thoughts because the answers to relieving my worries and anxiety is mainly reassurance from others. i guess thats why im trying this route to see if i can get help this way without going into the hole money-wise because of the doctor bills and everyone thinking im a nut job. im surprised im doing this because i get very paranoid about doing stuff on the internet but dont know what else to do....thanks again!
Avatar universal
Have you ever had the Hepatitis B vaccine shot?
Avatar universal
no, too afraid to get that too. ur right though about gettting educated and make sure i dont do things to put me at risk anymore. i thought everything was getting better but its not now. because of all this hiv stuff i started to worry about whether the hiv test i had years ago wasnt right because it wasnt long enough or something. ive been with my boyfriend for 14 years and we both have been faitful the entire time and i got pregnant on accident a couple years in the relationship and found out like maybe a month later and went to gyn and had the normal testing done including hiv and it was negative. well, i dont know how long before i got pregnant we were having unprotected sex and it was just the pull out method so im worried there wasnt enough time between then and when i got tested. im pretty sure it was at the very least 30 days and most people test positive by then, but then i start to worry because it can take up to 3 months. then i thought of getting tested, but then i found out that you can have falsely positive results and now im afraid to get tested. i found out it can come out like that because of other antibodies in your body and i have crohns disease and autoimmune diseases run in my family so that is why i think it might be possible to turn out falsely positive and that can happen for the elisa and the wb test. me and my boyfriend are fine and i would assume that one of us would be sick by now if we really did have hiv since its been like 11 or 12 years now but i will still worry. i even found a thread on this website with someone asking a similar question and the doctor said after 8 years that he didnt think this person was sick with hiv either but the thought still lingers. this is getting so bad i cant function anymore. its just never ending. hope im not bothering you with this stuff....
Avatar universal
No, no, you're not bothering me.

My suggestion? Get the Hep B vaccine. At least that way it may give you a little peace of mind knowing that you are doing something to keep yourself protected.

And if you don't want to, you don't have to! Don't let me talk you in to doing something your not comfortable with. :)

Aren't there at home HIV tests at Wal-greens? If so, would you ever try one of those?
Avatar universal
I have ocd too.. Here it my advice:

Talk to your therapist

Know that 95 % of people who get hep B(adults) clear out the infection and develop resistance. There are good anti virals for rest and they are likely to improve in future.

Get a vaccine for hep B

Unless you share needles or get a blood transfusion at places with bad health care and no blood testing you don't have to worry about Hep C.

HIV.. Get tested.. Even if someone scratched you or lightly pricked you,you are highly unlikely to get the virus..And that too without the Acute HIV symptoms. And its highly unlikely someone intentionally pricked you(do the match). But for your peace of mind get tested it would be negative. Peace of mind after one test..Totally worth it..
Avatar universal
Hi, thanks for all the feedback. I will consider getting the hep b vaccine. i did at least get over the hiv thing with the lady scratching thing pretty much by myself and called my gyn about the hiv thing and she said i would not need to get tested again so i stopped worrying about that too.

i wish these thoughts would stop though because it is never ending. and i think i do wayyyyy to much searching on the internet too. i did have another new thing though unfortunately. i had made an appointment with a hair person that i had gone to once or twice before and didnt think anything of it but then my boyfriend stupidly made a joke saying "make sure his scissors are sterilized" and then i started to think about that!! i even looked it up on the internet and of course there were people and websites saying it was possible to get hep b and c and other stuff from hair salons!!

i even told my hair person about it and he tried reassuring me but he didnt do it good enough or something cause i am still worried about the last time i seen him last december if he sterilized his crap or not and i could have gotten something then. im trying to let it go because he had all the sterilization crap that they are supposed to have this time so i have to assume i just didnt remember seeing it there the last time. i literally only get my hair cut once or twice a year.

it gets so tiring this stuff. i appreciate all the info though, it does make me feel better. cant wait to start therapy soon!
Avatar universal
I'd suggest you have a read over the thread about supplements for OCD.
Avatar universal
For one, I'm sure you didn't feel a knick on your head as he was cutting your hair did you? :)

If not, then hey! There's no way he could have broken through the skin to infect you ASSUMING there was a disease on instruments. (Unlikely)

Avatar universal
lol! thats why this is so stupid. im pretty sure i didnt get nicked on my scalp or anything but i did have him cut bangs for me and then my mind makes me wonder what if he nicked my forehead or something and then i cant remember for sure if that even happened because it was almost a year ago. i do feel better that you say it is unlikely there would be blood on the instruments though. and when i think realistically i know that even if i had been cut or something with dried blood on the scissors it would be really hard to get anything that way but then the ocd makes me think like there is fresh blood on it or dripping off the damn scissors or something which is even stupider. i just need to let this one go.....
Avatar universal
hi, thanks. i will definitley check that out. i like natural better than the crap drug companies have to offer.
Avatar universal
hi, thanks for saying that about the hep b and other stuff, that did make me feel better.
Avatar universal
I hope you can get over this. OCD is such a stupid, evil disorder. I'm here anytime you need to talk! :)
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