Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Community
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Avatar universal

start to self-treatment

Actually I' ve been getting into HIV-phobia for nearly 15 months with four very low risk sexual behavior

-Oral job

-mastubration each other

-Slight penetration for one sec with condom

-Mastubrstion each other

For the recent time I am afraid of the partner who can inject HIV virus to me , (because he is a Japanese and I am a Chinese ). what worse is that I am starting to think what if the virus that in the needle can have  long-term window period. I think this can lead a forever scary. Even though I asked him recently he told me that it was a crazy is raw to think about he injected me.

I thought I can' t leave that way, for the past fifteen month. So from today , I am determinated to change myself.
The first way to self-treat is I am thinking the possibilities he injected HIV to me, I mean there are so many ways to inject other virus. So how come he intended to transmiss HIV but not other virus to me?  I think the reason that I am afraid hiv , is I have been caring about HIV all the time.

I am thinking do I need to test( in the five weeks of this exposure)

I knew that the road to the success is very tough, especially the very solid scary toward HIV, sometimes I may think about death, coz for the past month, I am always having a tough and suffered life.

14 Responses
Avatar universal
For me , it think I can use following thought to eliminate or minimize the phobia of HIV

what if , yes ,since I like using WHAT IF,  what if I was exposed some virus of can lead to cancer in three or five years, instead of HIV will be produced in five years.  

Will I remain to scare cancer phobia every single second like I am scaring HIV phobia?

I think the reason to pay excessively attention on HIV is because I've been focusing on it so many months, I think when I think about caner virus might be injected, I think I am funny, but if I thought about HIV that may injected is something may happened. Whoops, that was really a tough period for me.

The scary of HIV is really pain, sometimes it is difficult to wake up to face the world and workplace. Even I sit on the office and my brain is keeping thinking about the possibilities of HIV injection.

Tomorrow is another new week, I think I do need to set a positive attitude and tell me that I won't have. HIV

Avatar universal
This morning I had a very bad one. The thought: "if the window period of HIV could be lasted to 3-5 years" is surronding me all the time. I really can't help myself about it.

So I really need some professional assiatance from medical perspective. I have no idea what's it likes.

Generally, I think there are two kinds in China:

-public hosptial
-psychological clinic

Anyone who can advise me which kind of medical service that I should choose?

And one more question, do I need to have medication for this scary? From myself, I think medication is needed, as I have explained and tried to pursade myself for like many times, but it is uesless.

God, why life is such a pain..
Avatar universal
go to your family dr., and explain how bad this has become. Ask for a referral to a psychiatrist, and a cognitive behavioral therapist.
Avatar universal
I am from Beijing, China. It dones't have a home doctor or something here. Only way is to see doctor at public hosptial or private clinic.

Or I search from internet that my systom is Hypochondriacal neurosis. Is that correct?
Avatar universal
This appears to be the only therapist listed on the International Obsessive Compulsive Foundation website to practice in China. I would suggest contacting him, or her.

Yong Xu  MD
600 Wan Ping Nan Road
Building #6, 2nd Floor
Shanghai, Shanghai 200030
Avatar universal
***@**** is email address
Avatar universal
It's not letting me post email address, so call this person.
Avatar universal
Avatar universal
I went to one of the great public hospital today.

doctor offered two ways to treat

A. Only for medication
B. Stay hospital to attend sessions ( around 20days)

Anyone who have experience about OSD can I only take medication at  first?
Coz I think I don't have other symptom but only HIV-phobia.

Also, do you suggest I need to resign from my current job?:(
Avatar universal
You may think you only have the one obsession but chances are that you have many others. I tell the folks that I work with, that OCD is like an octopus with tentacles all around you, and you will find more things that it affects. I am constantly told, "Wow, I just realized this is OCD too." You can try meds but they will work only as long as you take them. The real way to freedom is to rewire your brain by doing cognitive behavioral therapy. Can you take a medical leave of absence from your current job and then return? What would it serve to quit your job? You would have OCD PLUS be unemployed.
Avatar universal
Yes, qutting a job is not a wise thing to do.

Do you think self-treatment is effective?
Avatar universal
Self treatment can be effective, but you must be very diligent. You need a guide like the OCD workbook by Bruce Hyman and Cherry Pedrick. That will have exercises to guide you through the process.
Avatar universal

Since I had another night's suffering, I knew I have to take this battle to go for the recovery.

As I mentioned, China, has very limited resouces on medical perspective which has a very unbalance medical resources, e.g. most of sufferer have to come to Beijing or SH to seek help. So seeing a experienced (expert) doctor is very difficult.

Also, there are some private-owned clinic can offer treatment like you mentioned (E&RP). But the quality can't be guaranteed.

So my option is to seek national hosptial's doctor asap to have physilogical treatment and medication plus.

I do hope this treatment is useful, as the terror of HIV-phovia sometimes is killing me. I knew this is one of the most diffiicult period to me, but I have to set the postive attitute toward this monstor.

-do you think I should let my parent know it? (I live with them, and fianicially shared).

-Do you suggest quit my job or I can remain ( I am feeling relatively not so bad when I at company and work)
Avatar universal
What would you gain by quitting your job? More time to obsess and no money coming in, it seems to me. And yes, of course let your parents know. Reaching out for help is the first step. If they need some educational articles, I have numerous ones about the role of the family in support.
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